


Everything Is Fine

by NamineNobodyKiari



Series: My All Time Low [2]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), All Time Low (Band), Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, One Direction (Band), Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Ashton and Luke are cousins, Cake only hooks up, Drug Use, M/M, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2019-08-26 20:37:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 44
Words: 58,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16688437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamineNobodyKiari/pseuds/NamineNobodyKiari
Summary: What happens after Ryan rushes Ashton to the hospital?





	1. Wake Me Up

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Rockstqr, your comments always make me smile.

**Ashton’s POV**

The first time I woke up, it was to the crushing disappointment that I had failed, yet again, at something I had tried to do. Why can’t I do anything right? I can’t even successfully kill myself. I called in a nurse who was quick to get me a glass of water and something for my headache before I was drifting back off. The second time I woke up, it was to voices that I could tell were trying to be quiet. I realized that it was Frank and Gerard talking, though I couldn’t focus enough to tell what they were saying at first. My body was fighting between wanting to wake up and wanting to go back to sleep. When I heard the door open, I fought to crack my eyes open. The brightness temporarily blinded me, but I still heard something drop to the floor with a small thud.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Frank asked angrily. I could hear him push up from a chair as he spoke.

“I heard he was in the hospital, I figured I’d check in on him.” Ronnie said sounding almost bored. Why did he have to come now of all times? It’s not like he even cares, no one does.

“Get the fuck out of here.” Frank said. As everything got clearer, I could see Gee shaking, obviously terrified. Frank was in Ronnie’s face and Ronnie was wearing his ever present smirk.

“I don’t fucking think so Frankie, you don’t have any power here. All it would take is one little phone call, and I can have you banned from visiting Ashton.” Ronnie sneered. “How would you like that? Knowing that you can’t see a friend of yours that’s stuck in a hospital bed.”

“What makes you think you have that right? You barely fucking know him.” Frank said. _Please don’t let him say anything._

“I know him better than you, I’m sure.” Ronnie said with a smirk before looking past him to Gerard who still stood frozen. “Looking good Gee.” When I saw Frank shove Ronnie, I tried to force myself to sit up, though I wasn’t having much luck.

“Stay the fuck away from him you bastard.” Frank said, staying between them.

“Just telling him he looks good. If you weren’t so focused on me, then maybe you’d realize he needs you right now.” Ronnie said getting back in Frank’s face. “I mean, even I realized when he needed me when we were dating. What does that say about you?”

“Stop.” I whispered, hearing how rough my voice sounded. All three of them turned their attention to me and Gee rushed to my side. “You promised.” I added, not taking my eyes off of Ronnie. Frank went to speak but Ronnie beat him to it.

“I know, sorry babe.” He went to step closer, and I felt Gee stiffen beside me.

“Please just go, I’ll talk to you later.” I said, hoping he would agree, I didn’t have the strength to fight.

“Fine, I’ll let the others know you woke up. They’ll be happy to hear that.” Ronnie said, leaving the room. I sighed in relief that he hadn’t pushed.

“You want to tell me what that was all about?” Frank asked as soon as the door was shut, attitude lacing his voice. I shook my head, feeling about to pass back out. “You said you were going to stay away from him.”

“You knew?” Gee asked, the emotion clear in his voice as he looked at Frank feeling betrayed. “You knew that he was in town and you didn’t tell me? You knew that he knew Ashton, and you didn’t think I deserved to know?”

“Gee, baby, it’s not like that. I just didn’t want to worry you.” Frank said, taking Gerard in his arms.

“It’s exactly like that.” Gerard said, stepping out of his grasp. I couldn’t hear the rest as I slipped back into unconsciousness.

The next time I awoke, it was to feeling something along my arm. Someone was trailing their fingers up and down my arm and whispering apologies. I cracked my eyes open and looked over to see Zack who was staring at my wrist. “Zack?” I asked in a whisper. His eyes immediately met mine and I could see the unshed tears in them.

“I’m so sorry Ashton, this is all my fault. I shouldn’t have. I mean, I knew you were dating Ryan and I still.” He started rambling until I cut him off.

“Shh, Zack. None of this is your fault. This was all on me.” I said, motioning to my wrists. “What happened between us had nothing to do with this. I promise you that there was nothing wrong with what we did, except maybe that we didn’t do more.” I reached over and laid my hand on his.

“Ashton.” I could hear the argument in his voice, so I pushed forward and placed a soft kiss against his lips before he could say anything else.

“Please don’t blame yourself.” I said before shifting over in the bed. “Please lay with me, I just want someone to hold me right now.” He nodded and climbed in next to me. I curled up to him, laying my head on his chest to listen to his heartbeat. His fingers were combing through my hair and I could feel myself drifting back off until I heard the door open and forced myself to stay awake.

“That doesn’t look like Ryan.” Luke said as he took in the sight before him.

“It’s not, this is my friend Zack.” I said, not lifting my head from his chest.

“Well he needs to leave, we need to talk.” Luke said, crossing his arms.

“Do you want me to leave?” Zack asked me in a whisper and I shook my head.

“He’s not going anywhere Luke. If this needs to be a private conversation, then it can wait.” I said, cuddling more into Zack.

“I just thought you’d be more comfortable with it just being us, but whatever, have it your way. This attention seeking has to come to an end. It was bad enough before, but now it’s putting you in the hospital. If you want something, you have literally anyone you could turn to. Instead you do shit like this to try getting everyone to feel bad for you.” Luke said, and I felt the tears start coming as I tried to speak, the words getting caught in my throat.

“Are you trying to say that Ashton only did this to get attention?” Zack asked with a slight edge to his voice. _Please don’t let him believe the lies that Luke is telling._

“That’s exactly what I’m saying, and it’s not the first time. Take a look at his arms.” Luke said, ready to say more before Zack cut him off. Why did he have to bring those back up now?

“Do you know the type of pain someone has to be feeling to think that hurting or killing themselves is the only release? Did you even stop to think what could be going through his mind? Or did you only think about how uncomfortable this was making you? If you can’t see past those scars to see that there’s a real problem, then there’s something wrong with you, not him.” Zack said, holding me closer. It was becoming near impossible to hold the tears in as I turned my face into his chest.

“You don’t know him well enough to be trying to tell me what you think is the truth.” Luke sneered.

“Maybe not, but I know myself well enough.” Zack said, pulling up his sleeve to show faded scars along his arm. “So get the fuck out of here with that bullshit. Ashton needs support right now. He needs to be surrounded by people who love and care for him, and that’s obviously not you right now.” Zack said. Luke looked like he was going to say something else before choosing against it and huffing as he walked out. “I’m so sorry that you had to deal with that.” He whispered to me as he rubbed my back. I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore as I let them slide down my cheeks, soaking into Zack’s hoodie where I had my face buried.


	2. Choking

**Ashton’s POV**

After another couple more days of observation, a few more awkward visits, and an awful anxiety attack when Zack had to leave; the hospital finally discharged me. Luke had been the one to drive me home, along with Calum and Michael who rode in the back seat, and I was miserable about it. The two of them seemed a lot more worried than Luke had, but I ignored them all as I stared out the window. “We need to talk.” Luke said as we pulled onto our street.

“Why? So you can tell me again how fucked up I am now that Zack isn’t here to stop you?” I asked, not tearing my gaze away from the window. “None of you have any room for that.” I said glancing back at the other two before getting out and slamming the door. I walked into my house before making my way to my room. _Please say no one touched any of my stuff yet. I can’t do this if they already moved it._ When I entered my room I looked around to see that everything was exactly how I had left it. I felt almost like I was in a daze as I walked to my closet and found the familiar backpack. I pulled out the lockbox and put in the combination, swallowing down two pills before closing everything back up. After plugging in my phone, I stared at the ceiling as I felt the pills start to take effect and make me feel better as I drifted off.

My phone ringing loudly woke me up the next morning. I reached for it and answered it without even looking to see who was calling. “Hello?” I asked groggily.

“Hi babe. I thought maybe Bren and I could swing by and give you a ride today, as long as you’re feeling up to it.” Ryan said, making me smile at being woken up by him. _I should have thought it through before answering, but that was never my strength when I first woke up._

“I don’t think I’m up for sex this early, I just woke up.” I answered with a yawn as I checked the clock, seeing it was only around seven.

“While I’d never say no to that, especially with you, I meant give you a ride to school.” Ryan said with a laugh. I shot up in bed remembering that I was supposed to return to school today.

“Shit, yeah. That would be great actually, I just need to get ready.” I said, already going over to my closet to find clothes for the day. I eyed my bag for a moment before deciding against it and just getting dressed before entering the bathroom to finish getting ready. I couldn’t help but stare at the bathtub where I had almost succeeded in taking my life and was caught by surprise when there was a voice behind me.

“I took care of cleaning it. Ry barely left your side, and I didn’t want your parents to have to see it when they came home.” Brendon said. I nodded, finally tearing my eyes away from it and towards the sink to focus on getting ready. “I know this is probably a stupid question, but are you okay now?” He asked as we walked downstairs.

“I think so.” I answered, knowing it was a lie, at least at the moment. I couldn’t help but smile when Ryan looked up at us with a blinding smile. We had barely made it to the bottom step before he was pulling me into his arms.

“God, you have no idea how amazing it is to see you standing again.” He said into my shoulder. When he finally pulled back, it was to place a kiss to my lips that I immediately returned. It had felt like centuries since we had last kissed. When we pulled apart, it was with smiles on both of our faces as he took my hand, leading me out to his car.

We pulled into the parking lot and I felt my chest start to feel tighter. _I’m not ready for this. Why did I think I was prepared for this?_ Ryan parked the car by all of the familiar cars before looking over, apparently noticing how anxious I looked. “Babe, are you okay?” He asked, laying a hand on my shoulder that I jerked away from.

“Don’t touch me.” I said. It was getting harder to breath, I needed air. I opened the door and noticed everyone watching me. I felt like I was choking. Pete stepped forward to help me out and I almost screamed.

“Ashton?” I heard Zack’s voice cut through the others that seemed to jumble together. “What’s wrong?” Before I could comprehend what I was doing I had raced through the others and was in his arms, tears already threatening to spill. I heard Ryan say something that I couldn’t make out, everyone else’s words seemed to be melding together.

“There’s too many people, I can’t breathe.” I choked out, trying to catch my breath.

“Shh, it’s okay, everyone is just worried about you. Just breathe with me.” Zack said calmly before taking deep breaths, trying to ground me.

“I can’t do this, I need to go home.” I said once I had calmed down slightly and felt Zack nod his head.

“It’s okay, no one thinks any less of you. This is a lot to handle.” He said to me before addressing the rest of the group. “Ashton needs to go home, he’s not ready yet.”

“I can take him.” Jack said, I hadn’t even realized he had joined us. “I just need to let the school know. I’ll talk to them about giving him some tutoring lessons until he’s ready to come back too, that way he doesn’t fall too far behind. Can you stay with him until I get back? I can write you a late pass.”

“Of course, thanks Jack.” Zack said before lowering his voice to speak to me again. “Hear that? You can come back when you’re ready. We’re all here for you.” I stayed wrapped in Zack’s arms as everyone else started leaving, choosing not to leave them until Jack came back and handed a slip of paper to him.

“I can take it from here.” Jack said. I pulled away from Zack slowly before looking up at him.

“Please don’t leave me.” I whispered, feeling the need to cry again.

“Don’t worry, I’ll come by after school. How does that sound?” He asked. I nodded, knowing that was the only choice right now.

“Come on, let’s get you home.” Jack said, leading me over to his car, careful not to touch me in case it turned into another meltdown. Before long we were pulling into my driveway. “Will you be alright alone for a little while? I need to run and grab a couple things from my house.”

“Yeah.” I answered quietly, looking towards my house. _My house was safe, there wasn’t a ton of people all around me here._

“I’ll be back as soon as possible, barely even enough time to miss me.” He said. I could hear the smirk in his voice, and when I looked over I saw that I was right as he wore a smirk. I forced a smile onto my face as I started getting out.

“I’ll see you soon then, just let yourself in when you get back.” I said before closing the door and waving, watching as he pulled away. When the car was out of view I let out a sigh and went to my room, pulling out the bag from my closet. _I know exactly how to get rid of these feelings._ I cut out a line from what Ronnie had given me and sniffed that up before preparing the needle. Once I was done, I laid back on my bed to allow everything to take over. My body started feeling tingly all over, and I realized that because of how long I had been out I should have probably started on a lower dose of both again. I felt like I was floating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please take the time to let me know what you think, it means a lot.


	3. Not Good Enough

**Ashton’s POV**

I don’t know how long I laid there for before Jack’s voice snapped me out of my daze. “Hey doll, told you I’d be back in no time.”

“Hi Jack.” I said with a smile, trying to focus on him as he stood in the doorway. He walked over, taking a chance to look me over before he spoke.

“You got high?” He asked.

“Only a little, I needed to take the edge off.” I said, reaching for his arm.

“Your eyes tell a different story doll.” He said grabbing my hand and pinning it above my head as he crawled over me. “You always get so needy when you’re high.” He said before kissing me. “Is this what you want?” He moved his mouth to kiss along my jaw. “Want me to make you forget everything else?” His free hand had made its way down and was now pressed against the front of my pants causing me to moan.

“Please Jack.” I whispered trying to grind up against him. He connected our lips once again, unzipping my pants so he could slip his hand in. I felt his fingers graze my dick as he bit my lip before I heard it.

“What the fuck?” Zack yelled, causing us both to look over at him and Jack to pull his hand back out.

“I was just helping him out.” Jack said.

“Yeah, I could see that with your tongue down his throat. Get the fuck off him.” Zack snapped.

“I don’t think so, but feel free to stay and watch. Hell, join if you want, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.” Jack said before connecting our lips once again. A moment later he was pulled off me and Zack had him by the collar of his shirt.

“I said to get the fuck off him, didn’t I?” Zack said. Jack looked like he was about to say something before Zack continued. “Get the fuck out before I beat your ass, I’m not scared to hit you. What’ll you do? Give me detention? I’m sure the school would love to hear about you trying to fuck one of your students while you were supposed to be teaching him.” Jack glared at him as he pulled Zack’s fist from his shirt before leaving. “Hey Ash, how are you feeling?” He asked in a softer voice as he sat next to me.

“Why did you do that? Why did you send him away?” I asked, sitting up and looking into his eyes.

“He was trying to take advantage of you.” He said, making me shake my head.

“No he wasn’t.” I said as I pulled him in to kiss him, not expecting him to immediately pull away like he did.

“Stop, you’re upset. He certainly didn’t help. Fix your clothes, I’ll be right back.” Zack said, standing up and walking out to the hallway as he pulled out his phone. I fixed my pants before pulling my knees to my chest and trying to calm myself down. _Why doesn’t he want me? Why wouldn’t he even kiss me? Why am I not good enough? Why am I never good enough?_ I pulled myself out of my thoughts and cut out another line, sniffing it up right as Zack walked back in, still on the phone. “He’s not, okay I stand corrected. I’d say coke is a safe bet.” I put everything back away as he spoke. “Okay, yeah, I’ll see you soon then.” He said after a pause before hanging up.

“Who was that?” I asked, trying not to let the hurt I still felt show through.

“It was Mikey, Patrick told me to call him. He’s on his way over, he wanted to know what you took.” I shrugged, not really in the mood to talk now that his attention was fully on me again. “He seemed certain you did more than just coke, did you?” I shrugged again, turning my focus to the wall behind him. The door opened a few minutes later to reveal Mikey and I looked up at him. He looked me over for a second before turning to Zack.

“I’ll take care of him, you go out to the living room. Frank and Gee are here, they want to talk to you.” Mikey said. Zack nodded and with a quick glance back to me, he left and shut the door once more. “Did you do both again, or all three?”

“Both, I was feeling really bad.” I said, holding my hand out for him.

“Jack came back after you got high and was just helping you, wasn’t he?” He asked as he walked closer, but still out of reach. I nodded. “And then Zack came in and made him leave?” I nodded again.

“Then he wouldn’t even kiss me. Am I not good enough?” I asked as he sat on the bed.

“Of course you are angel, he just doesn’t get it yet.” Mikey said, pulling me in for a kiss.

 

**Gerard’s POV**

I sat with Frank as he spoke to Zack about Ashton, only half paying attention to what was being said. We knew Zack didn’t do drugs, so he didn’t understand where Ashton’s mind was when he was high. It still pissed me off to no end that Frank kept Ronnie being back around from me, but I could kind of understand where he was coming from so I tried not to hold it against him. What I didn’t understand is what was happening between Ashton and Ronnie. _Why did Ronnie back off when Ashton told him to? What was that look he gave Ashton?_ I shook myself out of my thoughts when I heard the front door open.

“You’re a fucking idiot.” Pete said to Zack as he started walking towards the stairs.

“If I go in and see any of you with your pants off in there, you’re walking home.” Patrick called after him with a smile.

“It’s my car, and you don’t drive.” Pete said back after a quick pause where he thought over the words.

“Doesn’t matter, everyone keeps their pants on.” Patrick answered causing Pete to laugh as he made his way to the room.

“Now back to what I was saying.” Frank said, turning back to Zack. “You can’t push him away either, especially not like you did earlier, and especially not now. You have to realize that he’s at a very emotional state right now, and you’re the person he seems to trust the most. Please just realize that he’s not going to be like a lot of the guys that you’re used to.”

“He’s not saying to do anything you don’t want to do.” I decided to intervene. “He’s just saying that you can’t be okay with something at one point but then push him away just because he’s high, does that make sense?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Zack said. “Don’t intervene if he’s hooking up with someone else, and don’t do anything with him if I’m just gonna push him away while he’s high.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it.” Frank said, giving my hand a quick squeeze. “And once he’s gotten back to normal it won’t be so hectic.”

“Are any of us really normal though?” I asked, hearing Patrick giggle.

“I’m mostly normal.” Patrick said.

“Okay, are any of us, besides Patrick actually normal?” I rephrased with a laugh.


	4. Shameless

**Ashton’s POV**

“Mikey, please.” I whined as he kissed my neck.

“Relax Angel.” He said. I didn’t listen to him as I flipped us over, so I was on top and started kissing him again. We heard my door open and looked over to see Pete staring at us, looking somewhat dazed.

“Hey Pete.” I said, sitting up.

“Hi.” Pete said, looking between us.

“I’ve got this handled.” Mikey said.

“No he doesn’t, don’t you wanna come join us?” I asked, holding my arm out towards Pete.

“What do you mean he doesn’t?” Pete asked, slowly walking over until he was within reach and I pulled him, so he was sitting on the bed.

“He won’t stop teasing me.” I answered, moving so I was straddling Pete’s lap and kissed him. “But you wouldn’t tease me, would you?” I felt his hands go to my waist as he kissed me back.

“Of course not.” He said. I unzipped his hoodie, allowing my fingers to slip under his shirt as I started kissing his neck. “Shit stop.” He said suddenly as my fingers slid towards the front of his jeans.

“I don’t think you want me to stop.” I said kissing him again and running my hand across the front of his pants where I could feel how hard he already was.

“I said stop.” He said, using his grip on my hips to pull me off before standing up. “I need to go.” He added as he walked out. “Patrick, we’re leaving, now.” He called out.

“Just go.” I said to Mikey without even looking at him. “I just wanna be alone now.”

“That’s not what you want.” Mikey said sliding his arms around me.

“Yes it is, get out.” I said getting up and going to my bathroom, locking myself in. Once I heard everyone leave I went back to my room and took my phone from the stand. _I know someone that would never turn me down._

**To Dickhead** : Do you wanna come over?

**From Dickhead** : I’m out of town right now. I can come over tomorrow if you want.

**To Dickhead** : I guess. I’ll see you then.

I turned off my phone, tossing it to the side and pulled my box back out to grab a couple pills. _I just need to sleep right now. Everything will be better when I wake up._

I woke up the next day, not even bothering to turn my phone back on. I needed to force myself to eat something before I could do anything else, I had skipped food altogether yesterday. Once I was finished with that I took a shower and got dressed. As I was pulling on my bracelets I stopped to stare at my wrists, tracing my fingers across the newest scars. I was pulled out of my daze when the doorbell rang. After pulling on my bracelets, I went to answer the door, seeing Ronnie with his ever present smirk.

“You must have really missed me to have reached out like you did yesterday.” He said as he walked in and sat on the couch.

“Don’t flatter yourself, I was high and lonely.” I said as I joined him.

“Well how about we get you high again, maybe get you to forget how you felt yesterday.” He said, pulling out a bag and cutting out a couple lines. “This is some good quality shit I got this time.” He said before sniffing his own line and allowing me to do the same. He pulled me in for a kiss once I was done. “I want you to blow me babe, you look so good with your lips wrapped around me.” I nodded and got down on my knees as he pulled his pants out of the way. I started sucking him off, allowing his hand to play with my hair as I moved. Suddenly I heard something drop behind me and I went to pull back, but found his hand was holding my head in place.

“Well instead of just standing there, why don’t you come join us?” Ronnie asked. I looked up at him and felt his grip finally loosen.

“Oh my god, uh no.” Zack said, and I jerked my head around to stare at him in shock to see him covering his eyes.

“Shit Zack. I’m so sorry. I didn’t even realize it was so close to school being out.” I said, feeling guilty at being caught like this by him.

“No, I’m sorry. I should have called or something. I uh, I’ll just come back later.” He rushed out before running out the door.

“That’s a shame, he was cute. Now get back to work.” Ronnie said, pulling my mouth back down. I waited a while after Ronnie had left before calling Zack and asking him to come back over. When he got back, neither of us mentioned what had happened earlier. We just put on Netflix and laid down, curled up to each other. He agreed to spend the night and we spent most of the next day in the same way.

“I think we should maybe go over to Mikey’s house tomorrow.” Zack said between episodes once it had started getting dark again. “It’ll help you get used to slightly bigger groups again, and I know they’d all like to see you.”

“I kicked them out the other day, they’ll be upset with me.” I said feeling guilty.

“No they won’t, they understand. You’ve been really upset lately.” He said. I nodded and kissed him softly, smiling when he kissed back instead of pulling away.

“Thank you.” I said before laying my head on his chest, feeling myself already starting to doze off.

The next day when we got to the Way’s house Zack allowed us to sit in the car as I looked around to see who all was there that I could tell by the cars around. Frank’s car was not here so he and potentially Gee were gone. Mikey’s bike was here though and so was Ryan’s car; so it was safe to assume that Mikey, Ryan, and Brendon were here. Pete’s car was here so Patrick was probably here with him. _Please say Pete didn’t tell him what I did._ It also looked like Jon, Spencer, and Dallon were here. I nodded once I felt that I was ready and we both got out. I stared at the front door before I felt him slide his hand into mine and lead the way up.

When Gee answered the door, he immediately smiled before pulling me in for a hug. “How are you feeling Ash? You look a little better.”

“I feel a little better.” I said as I hugged him back. I looked over his shoulder to see Ryan standing there and staring at us. I pulled away, walking over to Ryan.

“I’m so sorry I pushed you like that.” Ryan said as he took my hand.

“I know, neither of us realized how I would react.” I said pulling him in for a hug.

“Is it okay, I mean, uh can I kiss you?” He asked. I nodded with a smile before connecting our lips. When we separated, we noticed the others had gone back to the living room, so we decided to join them. I sat next to Ryan and laid my head on his shoulder, letting his voice soothe me as everyone returned to their conversations.


	5. I Lost My Fucking Mind

**Ashton’s POV**

We heard a knock on the door and Gee got up a little confused as he went to the door. I followed him, to see him freeze once he opened the door. I looked past him to see why and saw Ronnie removing his sunglasses to check out Gerard. “Damn Gee, I swear you’re looking better and better every time I see you. You working out or something? If Iero isn’t satisfying you, I could always.” I decided to cut him off as I cleared my throat making him look to me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Oh, I’m picking someone up for lunch.” He must have seen the confusion on my face because he continued. “His name’s Ryan, he told me to pick him up here.” I could feel my anger growing but tried not to let it show.

“Gee, go back to the living room. I need to talk to Ronnie for a minute before they leave.” I said, walking past them both over to Ronnie’s car. I looked to make sure Gerard was gone and the door was shut before I spoke. “We had a deal, I’ve held up my part. You said you wouldn’t touch any of the others, including my boyfriend.”

“I ran into him and he started hitting on me, what was I supposed to do? Turn him down?” He asked.

“Yes. I know the kind of things you like, I won’t let you do that to Ryan.” I said.

“Babe, I think it’s pretty clear that we both enjoy those things. Don't worry though, it's only lunch. Not that I don't plan on pounding him into the mattress before the day is done. I mean, have you seen him?" He said before pulling me closer so only I could hear. "I've got some more too, so I could always stop by your house tomorrow, or even tonight." Before I even had a chance to respond, I heard Ryan’s voice.

“Hey, are you ready?” Ryan asked, walking towards us from the door.

“Yeah, sorry was just catching up.” Ronnie said before finally looking to Ryan. “Damn, you’re looking fine today.” I saw Ryan flash a smile before he turned to me.

“This is fine, right?” Ryan asked. I nodded, shooting Ronnie a look before turning back to Ryan. “Thanks babe, I’ll be back soon.” He added, giving me a kiss on the cheek. Before he could move towards the door Ronnie was holding open for him, I pulled him in for an actual kiss. When we pulled apart I noticed Frank pulling in.

“I’ll deal with him. You guys have fun.” I said, walking towards Frank who was already looking pissed as he got out of the car.

“What the hell was he doing here?” He asked as I heard them pull away.

“He’s apparently taking Ryan to lunch. Don’t worry, I already talked to him.” I said.

“If he so much as.” Frank started before I cut him off.

“He won’t.” I said. “Now lets get inside.” I led the way in and noticed Gerard looked less on edge than he had before.

“Wasn’t that the guy from the other day? Why is he taking Ryan out now?” Zack asked, causing my breath to catch in my throat and my to close my eyes in anticipation. _Why the fuck did Zack have to open his mouth?_

“What the hell does he mean by the guy from the other day?” Frank asked sounding pissed. When I didn’t respond, he continued. “Ashton, what the fuck is he talking about?”

“They were hooking up.” Zack answered for me and I flinched as I heard Mikey and Frank both start yelling.

“You didn’t think to mention this sooner?” Frank asked Zack.

“You said that it was fine, that that’s what Ashton does. You specifically said to stay out of it.” Zack said.

“I didn’t mean with that fucking asshole. That’s it, everyone except Ashton, out.” Frank ordered. When everyone but Mikey and Gee started moving, Gerard finally spoke up.

“You too Mikey.” Gee said. Mikey looked annoyed but left anyway.

“You’ve been hooking up with him?” Frank asked once everyone else had left. “I thought you said you were having nothing to do with him. How dare you fucking pull this shit. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Frank stop, I know better than anyone what he can be like. You don’t need to yell at him about this, calm down.” Gerard said.

“I’m not gonna fucking calm down Gee.” He said before turning back to me. “How long have you been fucking him?”

“I don’t know, a couple months maybe.” I said, not caring anymore.

“A couple months? Is that how you got those pills? You fucked him for them?” Frank asked.

“Pills? What pills?” Gerard asked, though neither of us answered.

“What made you think any of this was a good idea?” Frank asked.

“I didn’t know who he was when this started.” I snapped.

“Oh? So you lied then too? What the fuck Ashton? And what about when you did know? Why the fuck would you continue to sleep with him.” Frank asked.

“I guess so, I don’t fucking know.” I said annoyed.

“Only a fucking idiot or someone with absolutely no self-respect would willingly choose to fuck him. Especially knowing about what he did.” Frank said.

“Are you fucking kidding me Frank? I’m an idiot now?” Gerard spoke up, sounding pissed.

“You’re not an idiot Gee, I was talking to Ashton.” Frank said

“Oh, so then I guess I have no self-respect then? Which is it?” Gerard asked.

“Gee please, this isn’t about you.” Frank said.

“Of course this is about me Frank, he’s my ex.” Gerard said.

“And this is about Ashton’s shitty decisions, not yours. So please fucking stay out of this. Like I said, this isn’t about you.” Frank said.

“And like I said, yes it is. Don’t tell me to fucking stay out of it.” Gerard said before turning to me. “Tell him just how much this is about me Ashton.” I looked between the two of them before answering.

“You’re right Frank, I’m an idiot and I made a shitty decision to keep sleeping with him. Can I please go now?” I asked, trying to avoid this conversation. Gerard didn’t allow Frank to speak as he immediately spoke up.

“Tell him Ashton. Why did you have to pull him aside? You forget, I know him better than most. Honestly, I’m just surprised it took me so long to figure out.” Gerard said, making me shake my head. _I can’t deal with this right now_. “What does he have on you? It’s me, isn’t it?”

“Gee, please, just drop it.” I said, trying not to let my voice crack.

“I fucking knew it.” Gerard said before turning to Frank. “You still think this has nothing to do with me?”

“Ashton? Spill, now. Tell us everything.” Frank said, still looking pissed.

“There’s nothing to tell.” I said defensively. “I made a stupid decision that came back to bite me in the ass. I should have never hooked up with him in the first place, but that doesn’t mean I plan on stopping either.” _I needed to get away._ I felt my chest tighten as I tuned them both out, walking out the door and locking myself in the bathroom.

“He’s got something on him.” I heard Gerard say.

“Or maybe Ashton really is that stupid.” Frank said. I started itching at my arms where I kept them covered. _I need to do something._ I leaned over the toilet before forcing myself to get sick.


	6. Bad Enough For You

**Ryan’s POV**

I smiled across the table at Ronnie. I didn’t know how he and Ashton knew each other but it made me feel better knowing they did. Ashton would have said something if he didn’t trust him. I watched as he watched the waitress walk away and decided to pull his attention back to me. I slid my hand across the table and started tracing shapes on his hand, causing his eyes to dart back to me. “Don’t worry darling, my attention’s on you. Especially when we leave here.” He said letting his eyes trail over my body.

“And what’s gonna happen when we leave?” I asked coyly.

“Well darling, for one.” He started before pausing and pulling out his phone that must have gone off in his pocket. Once he checked the notification, he continued. “Hold that thought.” He added before smirking and sending a couple replies back and forth. I sighed and rolled my eyes. _Just because this guy is hot, so does not mean that he can ignore me like this. I could have anyone I want, I did not need to deal with this._

“Are you almost done?” I asked, letting my attitude take over.

“Yeah.” He said, finally putting his phone away. “Now where were we?”

“Well, you were telling me about what we were going to do when we got out of here. Though I hope it’s good if you expect me to stick around.” I said with a smile.

“Oh yeah, I’m dropping you back off.” He said, making the smile drop from my face.

“You’re dropping me off? What the fuck?” I asked, annoyed.

“Yeah, were you expecting something else.” He asked, and I could tell from the look on his face that he knew what I was expecting.

“No.” I said before deciding to spend the rest of the meal in silence.

 

**Ashton’s POV**

My hands shook as I pulled my phone out, I struggled to keep them steady as I found the text thread I was looking for and sent a message. I didn’t have to wait long before I received a reply.

**To Dickhead** : Don’t sleep with him.

**From Dickhead** : Why shouldn’t I?

**To Dickhead** : Because, I’m willing to do whatever you want. Drop him off and come to my house.

**From Dickhead** : Deal, be ready.

**From Dickhead** : Have to go, he’s getting moody.

I picked myself up off the floor and put my phone back away before straightening myself out and leaving the bathroom. “I’m gonna go home now.” I called out as I walked to the front door.

“I’ll give you a ride.” Gerard said.

“No, that’s fine, I can walk home.” I said.

“Don’t be ridiculous, I insist.” He said.

“Okay, thanks.” I said. I didn’t feel like being stuck in the car with him, I didn’t want him to ask questions. I knew if I refused though, that it would lead to more questions. We started the ride in silence, but I knew it wouldn’t last. I was proven right when Gerard spoke.

“You know whatever it is, you don’t have to deal with it alone, right?” He said once we were almost to my house.

“Nothing’s going on Gee. Everything is fine.” I said.

“I’m here if you need me sweetheart.” He said.

“I know.” I said. We were now pulling in my driveway and I leaned across to kiss his cheek. “Thank you.” I added as I reached for the handle.

“Wait.” He said, causing me to look back to him. He pulled me in for a kiss that I immediately returned. I climbed across the console, so I was in his lap and continued kissing him until I felt my phone go off.

“I uh, I should go in.” I said as I pulled away. “Thanks again.” I gave him one more quick kiss and got out. “I’ll see you later.” I smiled and waved before turning around and going in. Once I was inside I remembered why I had pulled away and took my phone out.

**From Dickhead** : Just dropped Ryan off, have to make one more stop then I’ll be there.

I knew I didn’t want to be completely with it for whatever he had planned, I had gotten myself into something that I didn’t really want to think about. I went to my room and did a line before taking a few drinks. “You ready babe?” I heard suddenly and looked over to see Ronnie standing there. I nodded before he continued. “You did say anything didn’t you?” I nodded again. “Well let’s get high, then we can talk.” We each did a line and I was having difficulty understanding his words, they seemed to fly in one ear and out the other.

I looked over confused as someone else walked in and tried to focus on his words. “This is my friend, you did say anything.” I nodded again and felt him start kissing my neck as Ronnie continued speaking. “Neither of us plan on going very easy on you, is that okay?”

“Yeah.” I breathed out as the guy who I hadn’t caught the name of found a certain spot on my neck as Ronnie palmed me over my pants.

I gasped and sat straight up as I woke up alone. I looked around the room wondering what had happened, I knew under my blanket I wasn’t wearing any clothes. I pulled on sweats and a hoodie, trying to ignore the bruises that hadn’t been there before. Finally I checked my phone and saw a message from Ronnie.

**From Dickhead** : You were such a good boy for us, I’m proud of you. I left something for you in your drawer.

When I opened the drawer it was to find a new bag along with two bags of pills; one that I recognized, the other had less and looked familiar, but I couldn’t place it.

**To Dickhead** : Thanks, just found it. Don’t recognize the one though.

**From Dickhead** : X, I’m surprised that Iero never gave you any.

My mind flashed back to the night I slept with Andy in his car and remembered why it had seemed familiar. _Now I at least knew what type of high that gave._ I backed out of that conversation and opened the one I had with Zack.

**To Zack** : Are you free?

**From Zack** : Yeah, what’s up?

**To Zack** : Can you come over?

**To Zack** : I’ll be there in ten.

I sighed in relief and put away the new bags from Ronnie before closing everything in my closet. I knew I was asking a lot from him to come over when it was already kind of late on a school night, but I was so thankful he had agreed. I made my way downstairs, making it down there just in time to hear the doorbell. I opened the door with a smile and hugged him. “Thank you for coming over.” I said.

“No problem. I figured you’d want me to spend the night, so I packed a bag, I hope you don’t mind.” He said.

“Of course not, thank you.” I said, pulling him up to my room. “Why don’t you get ready for bed then we can lay down and watch something?” He nodded and went to my bathroom to change as I pulled up Netflix and climbed onto the bed.


	7. Time Bomb

**Ashton’s POV**

I woke up alone and stretched, my body protested as it reminded me of the residual pain from yesterday. I made my way downstairs and called out for Zack, receiving no reply. As I walked to the kitchen a note on the counter caught my attention.

 

_Ash,_

_Sorry I didn’t wake you up to tell you I was leaving for school, you just looked so peaceful. I can stop by again after if you want, let me know._

_Zack_

 

I could feel my chest tighten, I didn’t want to be alone. I tried thinking over the people that I that wouldn’t be at school right now. _I didn’t want to see Ronnie right now, after what had happened yesterday. Maybe Frank or Gee would be home._ I drove over and parked my bike, not paying attention to the extra cars in front of the house as I went up and knocked on the door.

“Come in.” I heard Frank yell. I walked in and heard an unfamiliar voice speaking, making me freeze where I stood.

“Mike said his friend’s supply is moving fast again, if he’s back around it makes sense.” The voice said.

“What I don’t get though, is wasn’t he buying so much because he had Gee hooked?” A second unfamiliar voice asked.

“That’s what I’m worried about.” I heard Gerard say. “I’m gonna go see who was at the door, they should have joined us by now.”

“I need you to check that out. If something’s up, I want to know.” Frank said. My anxiety had spiked, and I regretted coming here without texting or calling first. _I can’t deal with unfamiliar people right now._

“Ash? What are you doing here?” My eyes snapped to meet his as he spoke.

“Sorry, I was alone, and I freaked out. I should have called or something.” I said quickly.

“Oh no, no it’s fine. We just weren’t expecting you. Come on, let’s go to the living room and I’ll get you some water.” Gerard said, taking my hand and leading me to the living room. I froze when I saw the four familiar faces that Frank and Gerard had been speaking to when I walked in; Andy, Oli, Kellin, and Vic. The last time I had seen the latter two was when they were holding back Luke and Cal. Frank went to say something, but I spoke before he could.

“What are they doing here?” I asked.

“Don’t worry about it Ash, we were just talking business.” Frank answered as Gerard went to the kitchen.

“This is about yesterday, isn’t it?” I asked, not giving him a chance to answer as I continued. “I told you there was nothing to worry about, didn’t I?” I saw Frank shoot a look to the other guys and Gerard walked back in with a glass of water. “This is all your fault, why the hell couldn’t you just stay out of it?” I snapped at Gerard.

“Don’t yell at Gee, Ashton.” Frank ordered.

“Oh yeah, it’s also Zack’s fault for not keeping his damn mouth shut. And yours for not minding your own damn business.” Frank was up and grabbed me by my arms before I even had a chance to breath.

“No, none of this is anyone else’s damn fault besides your own, stop trying to blame everyone else.” Frank snapped.

“Keep your fucking hands off me.” I screamed as I pulled away and ran to Mikey’s room. I sat against the bed and pulled my knees to my chest, hiding my face as I felt my chest tighten and it was becoming impossible to breath. I could only hear bits and pieces, nothing was making sense and I couldn’t tell who’s voice was who’s. I kept hearing Ronnie’s voice, but I knew it was impossible.

“Let him….he knows what he’s…”

“…..special case….”

“He gets….”

“Just……try…..lose.”

“….careful, please.”

“…ton, Ashton.” Ronnie said, when I looked up he was standing in front of me.

“Please, just leave me alone.” I said feeling tears come down my cheeks. “I did what you wanted.” He kneeled down and brushed some hair from my face before he spoke.

“Thank you for that. I won’t hurt you, I just want to help you.” He said.

“You can’t help this time, it’s too much.” I cried, hiding my face back in my knees.

“Hey, of course I can help. You just said this time, so obviously I’ve helped you before.” He said, lifting my face, so I was looking at him again. “Why don’t you let me try?” _There was only one way he ever helped, and it had been what had gotten me in this position in the first place but fuck it._ I pushed forward, kissing him. I must have caught him by surprise because he didn’t immediately kiss back. When he did kiss back it felt different, it wasn’t as controlling as normal. I pulled back and was met with green eyes instead of the dark brown I was used to. I pulled back further and looked around seeing the others by the door looking surprised. _Was this a trick? Where did Ronnie go_? “Hey, calm down. Listen to me, okay?” Kellin said in front of me.

“What? What’s going on?” I asked.

“I need you to stay with me before you send yourself into another anxiety attack.” He said. I nodded before he continued. “Why did you kiss me?”

“I didn’t kiss you.” I said confused. _I kissed Ronnie, not Kellin._

“The six of us say differently.” Vic said.

“Not helping.” Kellin said before turning back to me. “What do you mean? Who did you see? Who were you kissing?” I shook my head before speaking.

“I uh, it was Mikey.” I said after thinking for a second. I couldn’t tell them the truth.

“Bullshit.” Gerard said.

“Gee.” Frank snapped.

“No Frank, that was a bullshit answer. He looked afraid of him when he first saw him. He told him he did everything he asked. He wasn’t talking about my brother.” Gerard said before looking back over at me. “Who the fuck did you really see Ashton?”

“I, I told you. It was Mikey.” I said, feeling the tears start coming down my cheeks again.

“Bullshit!” Gerard yelled. “It was fucking Ronnie, just admit it.” I started crying harder, hiding my face back in my knees and felt arms wrap around me.

“Babe, let’s go. You need to calm down.” Frank said.

“I don’t need to calm down Frank, we need to do something. Did you not see what I saw in there? That used to be me. He’s causing him to have hallucinations now.” Gerard paused for a second to catch his breath before continuing. “You don’t understand like I do. You don’t understand how addictive he can be, let alone what he gives you. You don’t understand what it’s like when he has his hooks in you. You could never understand how he is to someone like us.” Gerard sounded like he was crying by the end.

“Baby, it’s okay, you’re okay now. We’ll take care of him. Please don’t cry, I hate to see you cry, especially over someone like him.” Frank said.

“We need to help him, he can’t go through that like I did.” Gerard said.

“Don’t worry, we will.” Frank said.


	8. Caught in a Snare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter’s name is from the song We Care by Osatia. If you haven’t had a chance to check them out, I highly recommend it.

**Gerard’s POV**

I noticed Ash was basically asleep in Kellin’s arms, _he must have been so worked up that he had drained himself._ “Maybe I should take him home.” I said after watching him for a moment.

“You were pretty upset yourself babe, are you sure that’s such a great idea?” Frank asked, sounding a little worried.

“Yeah, I’m fine now. You guys can just finish talking about everything. I’ll stick around for a while to keep an eye on him, then be home, okay?” I said, giving him a kiss on the cheek before taking Ashton from Kellin and bringing him to my car. He kept mumbling in his sleep as I drove and by the time we had made it back to his house I was more worried than I had been. “Come on, let’s get you into bed.” I said, even though I knew that he couldn’t respond, as I pushed a piece of hair from his face. Once I laid him in his bed, I realized that his clothes had shifted some. I could see bruising on his hips and wrists, I didn’t even want to know what else lay under the clothes. I pulled off his shoes and emptied his pockets before covering him up to sleep. When I saw his phone I had an idea; _Frank would kill me when he found out, and there was no doubt in my mind that he would, but we could find out what was going on_.

I took his phone and went down to the living room before going through it. I knew this was a huge breach of his trust, but I was worried for him. I scrolled through and finally found the one I knew had to be Ronnie’s. _I can do this, I need to do this. I’m stronger than I used to be. Ronnie had put me through hell, I couldn’t let him do the same to someone as sweet as Ashton._ I took a deep breath and typed out a message.

**To Dickhead** : You should come over.

**From Dickhead** : Oh, should I? Didn’t get enough yesterday?

I felt sick from reading those words, but I had expected it from reading some of the previous texts and especially from seeing the bruises. I pushed away my disgust and typed out another message. Ronnie had always liked to have people give him their attention, and I was sure it was something that would never change.

**To Dickhead** : Why don’t you stop by and find out for yourself?

**From Dickhead** : I’ll be there soon, be ready for me.

I put the phone on the coffee table and sat on the couch waiting for him to show up. I took another deep breath before doing what I knew I had to do, even if it made me feel sick with myself. I slipped off my ring and put it in my pocket, feeling as though a huge weight now rested on both my hand and in my pocket. I mentally prepared myself as I waited for him to show up, though when he did I knew I still wasn’t fully prepared, and never would be.

“Gee? Well isn’t this a surprise? Where’s Ashton?” He asked when he came in, taking a look around before letting his eyes settle back on me. “Kind of expected him to waiting for me, he usually is.” The cockiness in his voice wasn’t a surprise.

“I’m the one that texted you Ronnie.” I said, patting the couch next to me as I tried to put a smile on my face. “Why don’t you come sit down? We can get comfortable.”

“And why would you do that? Was I right? Iero not doing his job satisfying you?” He asked as he joined me on the couch, immediately placing his hand on my thigh. I fought not to jerk away from his touch as I spoke. It was too much already, and I could feel the regret clawing its way through me.

“We broke up, we’ve been fighting.” I said, trying to keep the lies simple.

“Is that so?” He asked as he started kissing my neck. “And you decided to come crawling back to me?” He moved his hand up, so it was rubbing against my dick through my pants. “After everything I went through because of you?” He pulled me onto his lap before resuming his movements, making me feel how hard he was growing as he ground against my ass.

“Well I just thought, you know.” I started, trying to not get distracted as everything started coming back to me. _I had been in love with him, things_ _hadn’t always been bad. In the beginning it had been almost all good. He had always been controlling, but it had just gotten worse over time._ I snapped myself out of my thoughts as I tried focusing on what I was doing. “I mean, don’t you miss me? That’s why you’ve been hooking up with Ash, isn’t it?”

“I’ve been hooking up with him because he’s a good little whore for me, gets me off like you used to. And damn Gee, he makes the prettiest faces when he’s under me. Maybe I’ll show you, I bet it’d be something to have my two favorite whores to play with at once. Do you remember when me and Ryan took you like the little slut you are? Made you moan like a whore.” _Of course I remembered, the memories of what he put me through would always haunt me._ He pulled back and gave me a look before smirking. “I’ll tell you what, how about we get high then you can start making it up to me.” He said pulling out two bags, both with very familiar substances. “So what’ll it be Gee? Pills? Powder? Both? You did always like both.” I eyed them both before shaking my head. _It had taken me too long to get clean from both of those after I left him, I couldn’t let him drag me back down that path._

“I’ll pass on them today, I wanna remember this.” I said, moving my hands to his chest. He put both bags in his pocket before moving his hand to stroke my cheek in a way that if I didn’t know him any better would almost seem caring.

“You were always the perfect whore for me, love.” He said before grabbing my chin roughly and making me look at him as he forced a rough kiss to my lips, biting them as he pulled away. “But you were always a terrible liar.” He added before backhanding me and making me fall and struggle to catch myself.

“What? What are you talking about?” I asked. I held my cheek that still stung as I stood back up. _He couldn’t have seen through that, could he? I did everything right, other than not wanting to get high._

“I’m not a fucking idiot, don’t treat me like one.” He threatened as he got up and started advancing on me, a familiar fire in his eyes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m not treating you like an idiot.” I said, backing away from him. _This was way too familiar._

“Please. If the two of you had really broken up, you would have been high the moment I took out either of those bags, let alone both of them.” He said causing me to back against the wall.

“I just.” I started before he cut me off.

“Shut the fuck up, I wasn’t done.” He snapped, caging me against the wall and making me start to shake. “You never fucking wanted to remember anything about me unless it was when Iero had his buddies come after me. Well if you wanna remember this so bad, I’ll make sure you never forget it.” He lowered his hand and started to undo my pants. I bit my lip and tried to hold in the tears as I squeezed my eyes shut.

“Ronnie! Get the fuck away from him.” Ashton yelled, coming down the stairs. I opened my eyes, immediately finding Ashton.

“It’s not my fault this fucking whore wanted me, he’s the one who texted me to come here.” Ronnie said, surprisingly moving away from me and looking at Ashton, who by this point had come between us.

“I don’t care, you leave him the fuck alone or this is over with.” Ashton said motioning between them. I fixed my pants before going over to grab Ashton’s phone from the coffee table.

“Don’t even try that babe, you know you get as much out of this little arrangement as I do.” Ronnie said, stepping closer so they were face to face.

“Just keep your hands off him and we won’t have to worry about that.” Ashton said. I was proud to see him holding his ground as well as he was, but I was also worried. “Gerard, go out to the car. I’ll be out soon.” He added, not moving his gaze from where he held Ronnie’s. I took the chance I was given and went out, starting the car as soon as I was in before sliding my ring back on. I didn’t have to wait long before Ronnie came back out, then a couple minutes later Ashton did too and got in the car. “Why the hell did you ask him to come over?” He asked, looking and sounding annoyed.

“You weren’t giving us any answers, I thought maybe he would.” I said quietly.

“And how well did that work?” He asked as he turned to stare out the window as I drove. I knew he didn’t actually expect an answer, so I didn’t provide one.

“What the fuck?” Frank yelled as soon as we entered.

“What?” Mikey questioned before turning to look at us and his expression soon matched Frank’s. “I agree, what the fuck happened?” I didn’t get a chance to answer before Ashton spoke up.

“He decided to try to start shit with Ronnie. Obviously we can all see how well that worked.” Ashton said, pissed off, before walking past us to the living room.


	9. Nervous Wreck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to ask you all how you'd feel about doing a character ask? I've seen them done in other stories, but not exactly sure if I'd want to do one with this one. 
> 
> Also, as you may have noticed, I'm actually trying to get myself on an actual updating schedule. I'm not sure how well it will continue to work, but I'm going to try to update every Tuesday and every Friday.

**Ashton’s POV**

“What the hell Gerard? Were you trying to get yourself killed?” Frank asked as soon as the words left my mouth. When I got to the living room I noticed that Oli, Andy, Kellin, and Vic were all still here as well as Mikey. _Where the hell did I leave my phone? I want Zack. I didn’t want to think of the promises that I had had to make to Ronnie before we left just to get him to leave._

“I wasn’t trying to get myself killed Frank, I was trying to get answers.” Gerard said, annoying me slightly.

“We were getting answers.” Frank said.

“Not quick enough.” Gerard said.

“But without you getting hurt. Vic is gonna talk to Mike and.” Gerard surprised everyone by cutting Frank off.

“That’s not necessary, it is Ronnie buying it. He tried offering it to me, don’t worry, I turned it down.” I saw Frank’s jaw tighten as Gerard spoke.

“We could have figured that out without you getting hurt though.” Frank said.

“Could you have figured this out though?” Gerard said, pulling a phone out of his pocket, _a very familiar phone_ , before scrolling through it.

“What the hell Gee? You stole my phone? Give it to me.” I said going over to take it from him. Before I could take it though he had handed it to Frank and I knew from the look on his face what he was reading.

“Get him out of my sight.” He said to no one in particular.

“Give me my fucking phone Frank.” I said, trying to take it from him. I felt someone grab my arm and start pulling me and looked back to see Oli, I struggled to pull my arm free. “Frank! Give me my god damn phone.”

“Ashton stop, don’t make this harder on yourself.” Oli said, pulling me to the guest room and locking me in. I started pounding on the door.

“Let me out!” I screamed. A few minutes later I heard someone unlocking the door and took a step back. “Thank you.” I said.

“I’m not letting you out, I’m in here to try to get you to calm down.” Mikey said as he stepped in.

“I’ll fucking calm down when I’m not locked in this room or when I have my phone, that your fucking brother stole from me, back.” I snapped.

“Neither of those things is gonna happen right now. You need to calm down, then you can go back out there.” Mikey said.

“I’m not gonna calm down Mikey, I want my fucking phone.” I said before hearing the familiar ring tone. “Mikey please, I just want my phone back.”

“Frank will tell them you’re busy, you can call them back later.” He said.

“What if it’s important?” I asked.

“This is important.” He said.

“Give me my fucking phone.” I snapped, making him sigh and leave. I could feel my anxiety building again and sat against the wall, pulling my knees to my chest and trying to control my breathing. _I just want Zack. Why are they keeping Zack from me? He said I could see him again after school, he doesn’t know I’m here. Why won’t they just let me use my phone?_ I hadn’t even realized I had started crying until a tear dropped onto my hand. I heard a knock on the door and looked up to see Kellin poking his head in. When he saw me, his face immediately fell.

“Are you okay?” Kellin asked.

“I just want my phone, I want Zack.” I choked out through my tears.

“He wants his phone, he said he wants to call someone named Zack.” He called out behind him.

“He can talk to him later. First he needs to calm the fuck down and answer some questions.” Frank snapped. “I already told him to call back later.”

“Frank, I really think.” Kellin started before a knock at the door cut him off.

“Hold on.” Frank said to Kellin as he went to open the door.

“Where the hell is he?” I heard a muffled voice ask.

“I told you, he’s busy. He’ll call you later.” Frank said.

“Frank, just let him call his friend. You don’t understand, he’s crying. I don’t want a repeat of earlier.” Kellin called out.

“Who is he talking about? Is it Ashton?” The muffled voice asked, slowly becoming clearer as I recognized Zack’s voice.

“Please.” I choked out to Kellin.

“Where the hell is he Frank? I don’t give a fuck how scary you think you are, I will fight you. You don’t understand how his head is working right now. I swear to god, if you don’t let me see him.” Zack threatened before Frank cut him off.

“Kellin, let him in. Oli, keep an eye on the door.” Frank said.

“You locked him in a fucking room? What the fuck?” Zack said before finally being let in. He was barely in the door before I was on my feet and in his arms, crying into his shoulder. He let us stay like that for a few minutes before moving us to the bed and laying down with me.

“I just wanted you here.” I said after a little while. “They wouldn’t give me back my phone. They locked me in here and wouldn’t even let me call you.” I was still crying into his shirt, though it had calmed some.

“I’m so sorry babe.” He said moving the hair from my face and kissing my temple. “I figured something was wrong when Frank answered your phone. I can’t believe Mikey is letting him do this though.”

“It’s all of them. They’re mad at me about that guy. They don’t understand.” I said, tracing shapes on his chest.

“What is it they don’t understand? Do you really like that guy?” He asked, stroking my hair.

“No, I just, I can’t tell them. I made a deal with him, and I just, I can’t stop that. They’re mad because he did bad things in the past.” I said.

“And they’re holding this guy’s past against you? Why?” He asked.

“Because I knew about it and kept hooking up with him.” I answered.

“Because of this deal you made him, that they don’t know about?” He asked, and I nodded. “How bad is it?”

“It’s not that bad.” I said after a small pause. “He gets me high, he gives me drugs.”

“Are those the only good things?” He asked. When I didn’t answer, he continued. “Ash, if that’s the case, is it really worth it?”

“Of course it’s worth it.” I said before lowering my voice to a whisper. “It keeps them safe.”

“But are you safe?” He asked.

“I can take care of myself.” I said instead of answering him.

“So can they.” He said making me look up at him before he continued. “Please tell them, they deserve to make this decision themselves.”

“I, I can’t Zack. You don’t understand.” I said, feeling tears come to my eyes once more. He pulled me in for a kiss before speaking.

“Please at least think about telling them. If not for yourself, then for me?” He asked.

“I, I’ll think about it. I don’t think I can though. There’s too much at stake.” I said.

“Didn’t you say they had your phone? Isn’t there a good chance they already know a good portion of what’s going on?” He asked, and I shook my head.

“There’s so much more than just what’s in my phone. He usually keeps most of the details for phone calls and in person.” I said, trying not to get lost in the memories from yesterday. We both just laid there for a while, my head on his chest as he rubbed my back.


	10. Heroes

**Ashton’s POV**

I had dozed off at some point but slowly woke up as Zack got up from the bed. “Zack?” I asked sleepily.

“Shh, it’s okay. Go back to sleep, I’ll be right back.” He said. I tried, but couldn’t get comfortable, especially when I heard him raising his voice. “Do you want me to knock your fucking ass out too? Get out of my way.” I got up and slowly opened the door to see him glaring down Oli. Oli looked over his shoulder before moving from in front of Zack. “Frank, give me his fucking phone.” He snapped. “Now.”

“He doesn’t need his phone.” Frank said.

“No, you don’t need his fucking phone. It is his phone, give it to me.” Zack said.

“Zack.” Mikey started before Zack cut him off.

“Shut the fuck up Michael. I thought you of all people wouldn’t be okay with this shit. He’s your best friend.” Zack snapped at Mikey.

“Zack.” I said quietly as I walked over to him, letting him wrap his arms around me.

“I told you to go back to sleep, what are you doing out here?” Zack asked me.

“I couldn’t.” I whispered.

“He’s playing you.” Frank said.

“Shut the fuck up Frank. You don’t know what the fuck he’s going through. You might think you do, but you don’t.” Zack said, rubbing my back to keep me calm. “Maybe he’d be more willing to talk to you guys if you weren’t all such assholes.”

“That’s hardly fair, Kells and I didn’t do anything.” Vic said.

“Neither did I, but I can admit I am an asshole.” Andy added.

“Exactly, you didn’t do anything. You sat by and let them treat him like a prisoner, and why? Because you don’t like someone he’s hooking up with?” Zack said.

“There’s more to it than that.” Frank said.

“I don’t fucking care if there’s a thousand page essay written on why you did it, there’s absolutely no reason for you to have locked him in the room like that and taken his phone.” Zack snapped at Frank before turning to Mikey. “And you, you’ll be lucky if you ever regain his trust after that stunt. You guys were really close, and after this, I don’t see him being able to be that close with you very easy.” He turned to the other four before continuing. “I don’t know any of you, but if earlier is any indication. I honestly don’t really think I want to.” He thought for a second before singling out Kellin. “Except maybe you, you seemed like you were at least slightly trying to help when I got here. The rest of you though, can all go fuck yourselves.”

“Angel?” I turned my face from where I had it mostly hidden against Zack, to look at Mikey when he spoke. “I’m really sorry, I should have done something more. I was just so worried because of what he had done to Gee. You are my best friend, I should have asked your side. I just want you safe.” I looked at Zack for a second and he nodded his head.

“I just want you guys to trust me. You have to trust that I know what I’m doing.” I said. I felt Zack’s arms tense and I knew he wanted me to tell them everything, but I couldn’t yet. I saw Gerard about to say something and I turned back to Zack. “Can we please lay back down for a little while?”

“Yeah, of course babe.” He said before turning to the rest of the group. “We’ll be back out in a little while. If I hear that door lock, I swear to god I will knock you all out.” Once we were laid back down he spoke again. “Were you still tired? Did you wanna try to get some more sleep?”

“No, I just couldn’t listen to them anymore. Mikey is one thing, he didn’t really do anything; Oli, Frank, and Gerard did. I just couldn’t listen to them anymore.” I said.

“That’s part of the reason I told you to stay in here, I didn’t want to upset you any more than you already had been.” He said rubbing my back.

“I’m better now that you’re here.” I said as I shifted closer to him. I leaned up after a while to place a kiss to his lips, when he kissed back I couldn’t help the smile as I deepened the kiss and leaned over him.

“Ash, wait.” He said, pulling away as I went to kiss his neck.

“What? Why?” I asked looking at him.

“I’m not, I don’t want to do that here. Not when there’s people right in the other room.” He explained.

“Yeah, okay.” I said, getting up and starting towards the door. “I think I’m just gonna head home for a while.”

“Ash, I wasn’t. I’m not. I’m sorry.” He said, trying to think of the right words to say.

“It’s fine, I don’t wanna talk about it.” I said as I walked out the door and started towards the front door, trying to ignore everyone else.

“Do you want a ride home?” Gerard asked.

“Why? So you can take my phone again?” I said.

“One of us can give you a ride instead.” Kellin suggested.

“Maybe, I don’t really feel like driving right now.” I admitted.

“I’ll bring him.” Vic said, standing up and pulling his keys from his pocket as we walked towards me. “I’ll be back in a little while.” We drove mostly in silence, other than me giving him directions until we got to my house. “Here we are monada.” I looked at him confused for a minute.

“Um, what did you just call me?” I asked confused.

“Sorry, it uh, it means beauty.” He said. I bit my lip to try to hide the smile, though it didn’t really work.

“Thanks, um did you maybe wanna come in for a little while? Maybe talk for a few minutes?” I asked. He looked at the time before answering me.

“Yeah sure, I probably have a few minutes.” He said, turning off the car and following me in.

“Help yourself to a drink, I’ll be right back.” I said already starting up the stairs to my room. I did a quick line before deciding I wanted to change my clothes and going through my closet. I changed into skinny jeans and a band shirt, before realizing that it left some bruising uncovered and pulled on my bracelets and my leather jacket. “I’m back.” I said with a smile as I came back down the stairs and saw him watching me from the couch.

“You changed.” He said as I sat next to him on the couch, closer than necessary.

“I feel more comfortable now.” I said, letting my fingers linger on his arm.

“Is that so?” He asked, his gaze returning to my legs. Before I had a chance to answer, I heard an insistent knock on the door.

“I should get that.” I said. I was surprised when I opened the door to see Alex standing there.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know who else to go to. Ry’s busy with Brendon and I need.” He paused as he looked behind me and must have noticed Vic. “Oh, uh, nevermind. I’ll just come back later or something, sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. I should probably get back anyway.” Vic said. “I’ll see you around Ashton.” He added, walking out to his car.

“Come on in Alex, what’s wrong?” I asked, leading him over to the couch.


	11. Stop Fucking Around With My Emotions

**Ashton’s POV**

“I’m sorry I didn’t think to text first, I didn’t realize you’d have company.” Alex said once we were both sitting.

“It’s okay, now come on, tell me what’s wrong.” I said, turning so that I was facing him head on.

“It’s kind of stupid.” He started, looking at his lap and biting his lip.

“I’m sure whatever it is, isn’t stupid. How can it be if you’re upset?” I asked, trailing my fingers along his upper arm as I spoke.

“It’s just, Jack and I had plans today. He blew me off, and I thought it was for something important, but then I saw him with another guy.” He said as he fidgeted with his fingers.

“I’m sorry Lex, he’s a dick.” I said, planning to say more but getting cut off when he leaned over and kissed me.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I just, I wasn’t thinking. You just look so hot, and there was that one time.” He rambled before I cut him off.

“Shut up Lex.” I said kissing him. When I felt him kiss back I moved so I was straddling his lap and felt his hands go to my waist. My arms went around his neck to play with his hair, while his hands slowly slid to my ass the longer we kissed.

“We should do something, like maybe go somewhere, I don’t know.” He said once we finally pulled apart.

“Like what? There’s this bar I know. Last time I went it wasn’t super busy, and the bartender seemed cool.” I said, kissing along his jaw.

“That sounds great, we should go.” He said finally wearing a smile.

“Okay, let’s go. I’ll give you directions as we drive.” I said getting up and helping him up. Before long we were parking outside the bar I had only been to once before, they looked quiet again today. “Come on.” I said, pulling him inside. We started out dancing with each other before deciding to go to the bar and get drinks. It was the same bartender as before and I smiled and gave him a small wave, feeling a little relieved.

“What can I get for you?” The bartender asked with a smile, taking a second to check out Alex.

“Two shots of tequila, and two whiskey sours.” I ordered before turning to Alex with a smile. “That good?”

“Yeah, I love whiskey sours.” He answered. The bartender took a minute to pour the drinks before bringing them over to us.

“These are on the house.” He said shooting a wink to Alex that caused him to blush.

“I, um, thank you.” Alex stammered out with a smile. “I’m Alex.”

“Rian. Well Alex, can I just say, you are absolutely gorgeous.” The bartender replied, causing Alex to blush more. “I should probably make a couple more drinks for people, but I’ll be back.”

“Oh my god Alex, you should go for it.” I said as soon as Rian had walked away.

“You think so? What about Jack though?” He asked, looking a little worried.

“Fuck Jack, he’s an asshole. Let’s do these shots.” I said. We counted to three before slamming the shots back at the same time and making a face. “Seriously though Lex, he’s cute, you should definitely go for it.” I said before taking a sip of my drink. We watched Rian as he made a drink for someone else before he looked over and sent a smile to Alex.

“Okay yeah, you’re right, he is cute.” He said with a laugh. Rian went to talk to a guy that was off to the side before coming back over to us and turning to Alex.

“So it’s my break, I was kind of hoping you’d join me, and we could get to know each other a little bit.” Rian said to Alex. Alex turned to me for a second and I nodded.

“I’d like that.” Alex said, taking his drink and allowing Rian to lead him to the break room. I stayed where I was, sipping on my drink and letting my eyes wander to the other people around the bar.

“Yo Jordan, where’s Ri? I thought he was manning the bar tonight?” I heard a familiar voice ask, causing me to choke on my drink.

“He’s on his break, he’ll be back out soon. In the meantime, what can I get you to drink?” The new bartender asked.

“I’ll take a glass of your finest wine.” Jack said with a hint of amusement in his voice.

“Alright jackass. This is a bar, so how about you order a real drink.” The guy responded causing me to let out a small laugh and making them both look at me.

“Yeah, fine okay, just get me a whiskey on the rocks. I think I found someone who can keep me company while I wait for Ri to come back out.” Jack said before walking over and sitting on the stool that Alex had been sitting at. “So what brings you here tonight?”

“Wanted a good drink.” I said with a smile as I lifted my drink and took a sip.

“Well what about good company?” He asked, letting his hand move up my thigh.

“Sure, you know someone?” I teased, not able to resist.

“You wound me doll, truly.” He said, moving to kiss my neck.

“Damn Jack, don’t you move fast.” The bartender said, surprising both of us as he sat down a drink. “Here’s your drink.”

“Not too fast, I know this one already.” Jack said, taking a long drink before returning to my neck, his hand never leaving my thigh. “We could go somewhere a little more private doll. I’m sure we could think of something to keep us occupied.” I laughed as his breath tickled my neck.

“I’m sure we could Jack, but I’m here with someone and I can’t just.” Before I could finish what I was saying someone interrupted our conversation.

“Jack? Hey man, didn’t think you were showing up tonight. How’s it going?” Rian asked, causing us both to look over to him.

“How do you two know each other?” Jack asked as he looked between Rian and Alex.

“He’s cute, right? I saw him and knew I had to take the chance to chat him up.” Rian said, oblivious to the history between the two of them.

“Yeah, he’s alright I guess.” Jack said with an attitude before finishing his drink. “I think I’m gonna get out of here. Ash, you wanna join me? The offer still stands.”

“I’ll see you later Jack.” I said. He rolled his eyes, looking pissed, and left.

“Well that was weird.” Rian said. “I usually have to kick him out to get him to leave.” He placed a kiss to Alex’s cheek. “I gotta get back behind the bar now, hopefully we can talk more later though.” He took a second to write something on a napkin before continuing. “If we don’t though, here’s my number.” He added as he handed the napkin to Alex and left.

“I didn’t know they knew each other.” Alex said as soon as Rian walked away, I could see the guilt in his eyes.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. How could you have known? And like I said Jack is an ass, he’s just jealous because he saw you with someone else.” I said, hugging him. “Enough about that though, did you have fun with the cute bartender?” His blush and smile was enough to answer my question, but I knew he wanted to tell me about it anyway.

“Yeah, he’s like amazing.” Alex started before launching into a discussion, that only came to a pause when Rian came back over to see if we wanted more drinks.


	12. True Friends Stab You In The Front

**Ashton’s POV**

I woke up with a small stretch before looking up at Alex who was still asleep beside me. We had both had a couple more drinks before deciding to call it a night and coming back here. After making out for a while in my bed, we had both lost our shirts and I went down on him before we both decided to crash for the night. I mentally thanked the fact that we had left the lights off as I got up and pulled a shirt on before checking the time on my phone.

“Lex, time to get up, you’re late for school.” I said softly, giving him a gentle shake.

“Five move minutes.” He said, rolling over so his back was to me. I couldn’t hold back the small giggle that escaped at how adorable he was.

“Okay, five more minutes.” I said before going down and deciding what to make for breakfast. I finally decided on making scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast and started cooking once I had started a pot of coffee. The food was almost done when I felt arms snake around my waist and someone nuzzle against my neck.

“I smelled bacon and coffee.” Alex said a moment later, causing me to smile. I could still hear the sleep in his voice especially when he yawned into my neck causing me to giggle.

“Well how about you make us each a cup of coffee and I’ll finish this up and bring it to the table?” I asked as I turned to kiss his cheek. He nodded and pulled away going over and starting to pour the coffee. I watched for a second before starting to plate up the food and bringing the plates to the table where Alex now sat with the two cups. He moaned around the first bite and I couldn’t help but stare at his lips for a moment.

“God, Ash, I think I may love you.” He said once he had swallowed the food in his mouth, making me giggle.

“So the key to your heart is food?” I asked in amusement.

“That’s the key to every man’s heart sweetheart.” He answered with a wink before continuing. “Plus, it doesn’t hurt that you’re so fit.” I smiled and we continued eating the rest of our breakfast before going to the living room to relax and watch tv. After a while, I excused myself for a moment with a kiss to his cheek as I went up to my room, I needed a little something and I wanted to change my clothes.

When I came back down I was feeling a lot better, I had to smile as I noticed I now had his full attention. I rejoined him on the couch, making sure to sit close enough that our legs were touching. I could feel how on edge he seemed to be and finally pulled him in for a kiss. That seemed to be the only motivation he needed as he climbed over me, deepening the kiss. I felt his fingers start to slip under my shirt as I vaguely heard the sound of a door opening.

“Are you fucking serious? What the hell is this?” I heard Luke say right before Alex was pulled back. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing to my cousin?”

“Who the hell do you think you are?” Alex yelled, shoving Luke into Calum and Michael who were standing awkwardly behind Luke. Luke recovered quickly and shoved Alex back.

“Luke, what the fuck are you even doing here?” I questioned, getting between the two of them before it could get any more physical.

“I’m still waiting for an answer from your _friend_ there.” Luke started before Alex cut him off.

“So am I, I asked who the hell you think you are.” Alex said, causing Luke to glare at him over my shoulder.

“He has a fucking boyfriend, you can’t just force yourself on him like that.” Luke yelled, looking ready to attack him.

“Luke!” I snapped, causing him to turn his attention to me. “I kissed him.” I could see multiple emotions flash threw his eyes before he spoke.

“You know what? Maybe Michael was right.” Luke said causing me to falter in shock.

“Luke!” Michael snapped. I drew my arm back to punch him, but before I could Luke was knocked back into Michael and Calum and Zack was in front of us.

“Do you wanna fucking repeat that?” Zack threatened. “If I hear you say one more negative thing about Ashton, I swear to god I will knock your ass out, and I can guarantee I won’t be the only one.” Once they left I felt the tears start to come. Zack seemed to notice and pulled me into his arms, rubbing my back. “I’m so sorry he was so cruel to you.”

“Well don’t you throw one hell of a punch, guess those muscles do come in handy.” Alex said to Zack. Zack seemed to finally notice Alex and I could hear his heart start to beat faster.

“Oh, uh, hi Alex. Uh, yeah, I guess so.” Zack said, tripping over his words. “So, I uh, I was coming to see if you wanted to hang out for a little while. Then I heard the yelling, I can’t believe he said that, let alone to your face.”

“Yeah, that was completely uncalled for.” Alex added, causing me to smile a little at how supportive they both were, though it didn’t last. “How about we go back to watching tv? Zack, care to join us?”

“Sure, I mean, uh, yeah.” Zack said, sitting down and allowing me to lay with my head in his lap. _I can’t believe Luke said that. What if I really am just a whore? Michael and Luke have both said as much now, I grew up with the two of them, wouldn’t they know me better than anyone else? Better than myself maybe?_ I scratched at my arm as I continued thinking. _Maybe I should call Ronnie. I mean if I am just a whore I should be with someone who treats me like one, right? How could I possibly get these two to leave though?_ Zack must have noticed me scratching my arm because suddenly I felt him slide his hand into mine as he smiled down at me. I faked a smile and turned my gaze back to the tv, though I couldn’t pay attention to what was actually on.

“When do you guys have to leave?” I asked, hoping they said sooner rather than later.

“I’m free all day.” Zack said, squeezing my hand briefly as if he could tell I needed his support.

“Me too.” Alex said. “I have no life so I’m usually pretty free.”

“Okay.” I said. _I definitely can’t kick either of them out now, it would look suspicious._ I had zoned out almost completely when I heard my phone start ringing. Alex went to hand it to me before the name on the screen caught his eye and he stared at it for a moment.

“Why is Jack calling you?” Alex asked and I shrugged. “What do you want Jack?” Alex said, answering the phone.


	13. Waiting

**Ashton’s POV**

Alex looked annoyed before hanging up without another word. When the phone started ringing again immediately, I took it from him before he could hit ignore and answered. “Yes Jack?” I said in greeting.

“Tell that little bitch not to hang up on me. I was calling _your phone_ to speak to you, he doesn’t need to act like such a.” Jack started before I cut him off.

“Hold that thought.” I told Jack before looking to Alex and Zack who were both watching me. “I’ll be right back guys, I’m just gonna take this to the other room.” I went to the kitchen and sat on the counter before speaking with Jack again. “Sorry, I’m back now. We were watching tv, so I just wanted to go to the other room, so I wasn’t bothering them.”

“So, what you’re saying is you’re alone right now?” Jack asked suggestively, making me laugh slightly while I rolled my eyes.

“No, what I’m saying is that they are just in the other room.” I answered as I played with the hem of my shirt. “So, was there an actual reason you called, or was it just because you missed me?”

“Well as much as I do miss that sexy little ass, not to mention your mouth when you were sucking me off. I was calling because I still need to help you catch up on schoolwork.” Jack said making me blush.

“Shit, I completely forgot about that.” I said truthfully, dreading having to focus on anything school related.

“Well how about you get rid of your guests and I can come over now?” He asked. _I definitely didn’t want to work on it now._

“Or how about this, we don’t ever worry about my schoolwork, and I just continue hanging out with friends.” I tried.

“I really hate to be that guy, but school is important, don’t make me spank you.” He said. _I kind of liked the sound of that if I was being honest, but I still didn’t want to work on school._

“Do you promise?” I asked teasingly, hearing him take a sharp intake of breath. “How about this, I’ll keep hanging out with them until you get here, than we can go to the other room?”

“I guess that’ll work, I’ll see you soon doll.” He said.

“Bye Jack.” I answered before hanging up and hopping off the counter to rejoin the guys in the living room. “Sorry guys, Jack just reminded me that I still have schoolwork to worry about, so he’ll be here soon. You guys can hang out though, we probably won’t be too long anyway.”

“Ah, yes. Jack, teacher of the year, he should.” Alex started before I cut him off with a look. “Sorry.”

“Just relax, okay Lex? I don’t wanna worry about schoolwork either, but I can’t afford to fall further behind.” I said with a small pout.

“Don’t worry about it.” Zack said, speaking for the both of them. “We’ll hang out while you work on schoolwork, then when your done we can watch a movie or something.”

“Thanks Zacky.” I said with a smile, placing a quick kiss to his cheek before pulling away when I heard a knock. “Come in.” I called, knowing it was Jack. “We’ll be in my room, yell if you need us.”

“Wait.” Alex said standing up and grabbing my arm before I could even take a step. When I turned back to look at him in confusion he pulled me closer and kissed me. When we separated we were both breathless and I stood a little dazed while he wore a smirk.

“Don’t keep me waiting doll.” Jack said, reminding me what I had been doing. When we got to my room he immediately pushed me against the now closed door, kissing me. He moved to my neck and I wanted more but I knew we were both here for a reason.

“Jack, I thought you were here to help me catch up in my classes.” I said, trying to keep my self control strong.

“Figured we could start with Sex Ed.” He spoke against my neck. I giggled and honestly thought about it before gently pushing him back.

“How about we maybe work up to that? We should focus on actual classes first.” I said, leading him to sit on my bed. “So what first?”

An hour and a half later I threw my head back in frustration, I didn’t want to focus on this anymore. “Jack can we stop for today?” I asked.

“Sure doll, you did well, we got through quite a bit.” He said, placing a kiss to my cheek as we heard a knock on the door.

“Come in.” I called as I started closing the notebooks we had left open. Zack poked his head in.

“Hey, we were thinking of ordering pizza for dinner if that’s alright. Are you both hungry?” Zack asked.

“Starving.” Jack answered and Zack looked to me.

“Sounds good.” I answered with a smile. _I didn’t really feel like eating but I knew I needed to._

“Cheese okay?” Zack asked, when we both nodded he left and shut the door again.

“He’s cute.” Jack started and I gave him a look.

“Don’t even think about it.” I said. _Zack did not need to deal with the mess that was Jack Barakat._

“Why not?” He asked, sounding slightly offended.

“Just no.” I said with a small laugh as I rolled my eyes before getting up to leave the room.

“Well I’m still allowed to think of you right?” He asked, moving quickly from the bed to behind me and grabbing my hips, pulling me back against him.

“What if I said no?” I teased, looking up at him as I purposefully pushed myself back against him.

“You wouldn’t tell me no.” He said with a smirk.

“Well, I am telling you not now, we have to go back down now.” I said, giving a small kiss to the cheek before pulling away and going downstairs. Alex answered the door and paid when the pizza arrived and we all sat down to watch a movie, that none of us were particularly focused on.

“So, I don’t know if you guys have heard yet or not, but Gee and Frank are having a party this weekend.” Jack said.

“Sounds fun.” Alex commented, barely sparing Jack a glance.

“I don’t think so.” Zack said, and I couldn’t help but agree.

“Yeah, I don’t know. Things are a little stressful between us right now.” I said.

“Come on, they would love for you two to show up. They hate how tense it is between you guys right now.” Jack said.

“Well it’s their fault.” Zack defended.

“How about you at least think about it?” Jack suggested before focusing on me. “Please doll, just think about it. You don’t even need to give me an answer right now.”

“I’ll think about it.” I said, I felt Zack squeeze my hand before he spoke.

“We’ll think about it.” Zack said. Jack let the subject drop and we went back to watching the movie, it wasn’t much longer when my phone started ringing. When I saw that it was Ronnie calling I decided to go to the other room to answer it so there was no chance of any of them overhearing the conversation.

“Hi.” I said quiet enough that I wouldn’t be heard.

“Hey, when are you free?” He asked.

“I’m not sure, I have friends over right now.” I said, glancing towards the living room.

“Well get rid of them, I want you.” He said.

“I can’t just get rid of them, I’m sorry.” I said, biting my lip.

“Whatever, what about tomorrow? Jacky’s off, and he wants to see you again.” He said, confusing me.

“Who’s Jacky?” I asked, ignoring his question.

“My friend. What, did we fuck you so well we made you forget?” He asked. _I couldn’t do that again, not with those two._

“I just didn’t remember his name.” I said awkwardly.

“So how about it? We’ll come over tomorrow, about noon?” He asked.

“Look, I, I’d rather not. Not both of you again. You’re one thing, but I mean I don’t even know him.” I said, knowing it would piss him off.

“You barely knew me the first time we fucked, and you two have fucked before so it’s not like I’m asking you to do something new.” He pushed, making me feel uncomfortable.

“I said no. I don’t want to do that again. Especially not while I still haven’t fully recovered from last time, you guys left a lot of bruises.” I said.

“You’re gonna regret that.” He said, sounding pissed before hanging up.


	14. Dirty Laundry

**Gerard’s POV**

Somehow Jack had successfully gotten Ashton to agree to come to the party, as well as Zack who was still shooting Frank and I both dirty looks. I felt guilty about what we had done, but I knew firsthand what Ronnie was capable of. “Maybe you should try talking to him.” Mikey suggested beside me, startling me. I had been too preoccupied with watching Ashton, who looked a little pale, to notice what was going on around me.

“He hates me right now, hell I would too.” I said, pausing for a second before I continued. “I’m worried about him Mikey.”

“I am too Gee, but he doesn’t hate you, he’s just angry and hurt. You should try to explain, or at least apologize.” He said, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“Yeah, I think I’ll do that.” I said, starting to walk towards Ashton. He was currently talking with Ryan as he leaned against Zack, looking like he was about to pass out. The front door opened, and we finally heard Dallon’s voice.

“Hey everyone, sorry I’m late. I brought someone I want you all to meet, hope that’s okay.” Dallon called as he walked in with someone who looked quite familiar

“That’s fine, any friend of yours is a friend of ours.” Frank said, my mind was racing too much to add anything.

“Well he’s kind of a little bit more than a friend.” Dallon said with a light blush. I could feel my face paling the closer they got. _Maybe it was a coincidence and they just looked similar; after all Ryan wore only dark colors and had pitch black hair, hardly ever smiling; unless it was with me or his signature smirk. This guy was seemed to wear more colors, including his bright blue hair, and seemed to be all smiles._ I missed the name Dallon gave as he made the introductions, but as he finally made his way to me it didn’t matter, _I could never forget those eyes._ As soon as his eyes landed on me his face dropped and I knew he recognized me as well. “And finally, this is Gerard.”

“Ryan.” I said simply, in way of greeting. I shoved my hands in my pockets to hide the obvious shaking that was already starting, and my hand brushed against a pill bottle. “Uh, I’ll be right back guys.” I said, going to the kitchen and grabbing a couple beers from the fridge. I opened the first one and used it to swallow down a couple pills before downing half of the beer. _I can’t deal with this right now._

“Still popping pills, I see.” I heard Ryan say behind me, startling me and almost making me drop the bottle.

“What do you want?” I asked as he walked closer to me after checking to make sure that Dallon was distracted. “I’m sorry for what Frank did to.”

“Stop, there’s nothing for you to apologize for.” He said cutting me off. “In fact I should be the one apologizing, I’m sorry. I knew what Ronnie was doing to you was fucked up, but I thought you were into it. Believe me, I never would have laid a finger on you in the first place if he hadn’t.” I cut him off not wanting to hear the rest of that sentence, not wanting to think about what had happened.

“Please stop.” I said, almost a whisper. Images were already flashing before my eyes and I just wanted it to stop, needed it to stop. _I can’t be dragged back into that life._

“I got away from him shortly after you did. I was so disgusted with him, I couldn’t even bare to see him anymore. I wanted to apologize to you, but I didn’t even know if you’d want to see me after everything. I didn’t even know you knew Dallon. I just, I really like him, and I don’t want to fuck things up between us.” Suddenly his hand was touching my arm as he spoke, and I jerked back as images flashed through my mind.

“Don’t touch me.” I yelled, not meaning to but suddenly feeling overwhelmed. The doorway became full as everyone came to see what had happened, Dallon and Frank obviously in front and looking worried.

“What the hell is happening in here?” Frank asked, his voice held a threatening tone.

“Go ahead, tell him, tell all of them.” I said, never taking my eyes off him. I could still feel everything from before rushing through me.

“Ry?” Dallon asked, sounding confused. Ryan glanced at Dallon before turning back to me.

“Don’t do this, please Gerard, not now.” Ryan pleaded.

“You said you care about him, so tell him, he deserves to know.” I said, stepping closer, still only looking at him.

“Gerard.” Ryan started before I cut him off.

“Ryan and I already know each other Dallon, don’t we Ryan? Quite well, I might add.” I started.

“Gerard, please.” Ryan tried again.

“Ryan? Why didn’t you just tell me?” Dallon asked. I could see the worry in Ryan’s eyes as he shook his head, begging me not to say anything else. I finally turned away to look Dallon in the eyes as I spoke the next words.

“Well Dal, that would be because we’ve fucked.” I said before turning my gaze back to Ryan who looked close to tears. “And he’s worried that you’d leave him if you found out. Isn’t that right Ryan?”

“What?” Frank asked as everyone else stood frozen, including Dallon.

“Well you of all people should know how easy I am Ryan, I really doubt you’re the first.” I said, ignoring Frank. “Hell, I know you’re not the first. You’re not even the first in this house. Why don’t we take a vote, who here haven’t I done something with?”

“Gerard enough.” Frank said. I looked over to see most of them looking uncomfortable, before turning back to Ryan.

“You’re welcome.” I said before grabbing the other bottle from the counter and leaving the room. _I didn’t need to say anymore, we both knew what I meant. I could have spilled everything. Told them about all the times we hooked up. The times Ronnie knew about, and those he didn’t. Told them about how the first time Ronnie set us up I was too fucked up on shit that I could barely remember my own name. There was a lot more that I could have said, but I chose to keep silent, for both of our benefits._ Frank pulled me out of my thoughts as he sat in front of me and took my hand.

“Dallon and Ryan are talking now, are you okay?” He asked, sounding worried.

“Yeah, fine, why do you ask?” I answered as I finished the first bottle and immediately opened the second.

“You freaked out a little out there, are you sure you’re okay?” He said.

“Seriously, I’m fine babe. It was just weird to see him was all, especially with Dal.” I said, squeezing his hand. He nodded and we avoided the topic for the rest of the night.

_I double checked my phone, I knew I had a couple hours before Ronnie would be back, and I smiled at the ‘I’m here’ text I had just received. I went to the front door, opening it with a blank look that mirrored the guy standing on the other side. I glanced behind him as I let him in to make sure there wasn’t anyone who had seen him arrive before shutting the door. I turned and finally allowed a small smile that he responded to with a smirk. “He’ll be back in a couple hours.”_

_“I’ll be long gone by then babe.” He said, pushing me against the door and kissing me. Our lips never left each other as we made our way to the bedroom, falling back onto the bed. “God, you’re fucking beautiful.” He whispered as he kissed his way down my chest before taking me in his mouth and sucking me off until I was on the edge._

_“Please, I need you.” I begged, making him look up at me with a smirk._

_“Well darling, who am I to turn down such an offer. Especially from a beauty such as yourself. Let me just get you ready.” He said before I pulled him in for another kiss._

_“No time, I don’t need it, I only need you.” I said. We went slow like we always did when we were alone and were just laying together afterwards, after pulling on our boxers, when he brought up the familiar conversation._

_“You should leave him darling, it could be like this all of the time.” He said, pressing a lazy kiss to my shoulder._

_“You know I can’t do that right now, he’d kill both of us.” I said giving him a sad smile as I moved the hair from his face to place a kiss against his lips. We heard a car pull in and both of us shot up. “Shit, he was supposed to be gone for at least another half hour. You need to get out of here.” I said, jumping up and throwing him his clothes as I pulled my own on. “I’ll keep him distracted, you sneak out the window. Are you still coming over for dinner?” When he nodded, I continued. “I’ll see you later then.” I said going to exit the room before he grabbed my hand to get my attention._

_“Love you Gee.” He whispered, giving me a quick kiss that made me smile._

_“Love you too Ry, now get out of here before he catches you.” I whispered back with a smile before exiting the room, making sure to shut the door behind me._

I shot up in bed, gasping for air, only calming down when I felt Frank beside me. It had been years since I had thought about that memory. I knew that it wouldn’t be the last one if Ryan was sticking around.


	15. Love Drunk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I usually post later in the day but I'm going to the Panic! concert tonight, I'm so excited.

**Gerard’s POV**

I got up after a fitful night of sleep, filled with memories of things that had happened before I had ever met Frank. It was nearing noon when I finally made up my mind and decided to text Dallon. _I needed to make things right between us. Everything was coming back, nothing had faded. I needed to see him again._

**To Dal** : Hey Dal, could you give me Ryan’s number?

Without asking any questions he sent me a message just including the number. I saved it in my phone before thinking about how to say what I wanted to say. I typed out multiple messages before deleting them and deciding to just keep it simple.

**To Ry** : Hey, it’s Gerard. We should talk.

I immediately felt nervous after sending the message. _What if he never wanted to see me again_? My thoughts were cut short as I received a text.

**From Ry** : Yeah, we probably should, when are you free?

**To Ry** : Can you come over now?

**From Ry** : On my way.

I paced for a few minutes before deciding to straighten up the coffee table even though it wasn’t necessary. When I felt my phone go off, I pulled it out to see a new text that brought a smile to my face.

**From Ry** : I’m here.

I opened the door to let him in before speaking. “Frank’s out for a while, and I figured we’d want to talk in private.” He let out a small laugh.

“Just like old times, huh?” He asked, sounding amused though there was a hint of something else.

“Come on.” I said leading him to the living room before continuing to the kitchen to grab a bottle of vodka, a bottle of orange juice, and two cups. “You still drink?” I asked as I set them on the table.

“Of course.” He said, deciding to take over and make us both a drink. He had always made perfect drinks, and I loved watching him make them, the way his hands moved as he made the motions. I took the first sip and hummed at the familiar taste, no one had quite been able to make them the same way.

“There’s just something about the way you make them.” I commented as I drank. We had both finished our first drinks and had moved on to our second before I spoke again. “You still do coke? I’ve got some if you want.”

“Sure.” He said. I reached past him, over into the end stand and pulled out the supplies we left in there. I cut out two lines and did my own before sliding the other one over for him and taking a drink as he did his.

“Ugh, I always forget how nasty orange juice is after coke.” I commented, making him laugh.

“True, don’t think I could do it if I wasn’t getting drunk too.” He said making a face after he had taken his own drink.

“I’m sorry about yesterday, I was just kind of freaked out. Just, everything started coming back, I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.” I said, pushing the blue hair from his eyes. “What brought about this change?” I asked a little distracted as I stared.

“I could ask the same thing, but I like the red, it suits you.” He spoke softly. “What do you mean everything?”

“Everything.” I said, biting my lip. When I saw his eyes glance down at the motion I pushed forward, connecting our lips. He kissed back for a moment before pulling back.

“Wait, I, we can’t do this again.” He said, looking away and towards the table. “I mean you have Frank now, I have Dallon. We can’t go down this road again, you don’t know how hard it was for me before.”

“It was hard for me too Ry, please just look at me.” I said, almost sounding pleading.

“Gee, you have no idea how hard it was for me. I am, I mean I was so in love with you, and I had to act like it didn’t bother me any time he touched you. I had to act like you meant nothing to me. I couldn’t just walk up to you and kiss you. I had to watch you with someone else every day. I had to climb out of that damn bedroom window too many times to count.” He finally turned to me and I could see the hurt in his eyes. “I can’t go through that again, it would literally kill me.”

“Ry, I didn’t.” I started, hating how my voice cracked at the end.

“It’s fine Gee, it’s done.” He said turning back towards the table and finishing his second drink. He went to pour another when I spoke.

“Ry.” I said. When he didn’t turn to look at me I added. “It doesn’t have to be.” I turned his face to my own, connecting our lips once more. “Please.” I whispered against his lips. I felt his resolve slip as he kissed back. _We had never really been able to tell each other no, not unless it came to Ronnie._ He leaned back, and soon we were in our familiar position; my legs across his lap, one of his hands holding them there as the other held my face as we kissed.

“Fucking called it.” Frank said from the doorway, startling us both as we pulled apart and Ryan shoved me away, causing me to fall to the floor.

“Dal.” Ryan said in surprise. “I swear it’s not what it looks like.”

“Fucking hell Ry, that hurt.” I said as I got up, not giving anyone else a chance to speak. Dallon walked over grabbing what was left of my drink and taking a sip. “Fuck off Dal, that’s mine.”

“It’s fucking good, is what it is.” Dallon said as he took another drink.

“Yeah, Ryan made it.” I said, looking back at Ryan fondly.

“Dal, please talk to me.” Ryan said, his eyes never leaving Dallon.

“Sure, make me one of these first though.” Dallon said, finishing the last of the glass and setting it back down on the table.

“Frank, why don’t you get another couple glasses, Ry can make you one too.” I said with a smile. When he came back out, Ryan immediately made four drinks before sliding the other two glasses toward them.

“Dallon, I’m sorry, I just.” Ryan started rambling before Dallon cut him off.

“You were making out with Gerard.” Dallon said taking a drink and making Frank snort at his bluntness. “And like Frank said, he called it, so it’s not exactly a surprise.” He added with a shrug.

“Well, I just, I mean.” Ryan started before Dallon cut him off again.

“Just spit it out.” Dallon said.

“I’m sorry, Dal, please.” Ryan started before getting up from beside me.

“Ry, hey, look at me.” I tried taking his hand and he just shook it off.

“Well that was kinda rude Ryan. You just had your tongue down his throat, the least you could do is not blow him off.” Dallon said as he motioned towards me.

“Dal, I’m sorry.” Ryan tried again.

“I’m not really the one you should be apologizing to. Gerard is the one who you pushed off the couch, and the one you just blew off.” Dallon said.

“Yeah, but you’re my boyfriend, I shouldn’t have even thought about touching someone else.” Ryan said, causing Dallon and Frank to both look to me.

“So, I’m assuming you didn’t tell him?” Frank asked me. “Don’t you think that’s the first thing you should have done? Before all this.”

“I was getting to it, eventually.” I said. I looked up at Ryan again who was torn between looking at Dallon and looking at me. “Ry, sit down.” I said taking his hand and guiding him to sit before I spoke again. “I should have said this earlier, but we were caught up.” I paused to move some hair from his face. “I meant what I said earlier, it doesn’t have to be done, things are different now. I completely understand everything you were saying, and of course I would never ask that of you again. Frank and I, we have a fairly open relationship. We love each other, don’t get me wrong, but we won’t stop each other from wanting to hook up or kiss someone else.” I paused to glance at Frank then Dallon before turning back to Ryan. “And a lot of our friends are the same way. Dallon isn’t going to judge you or be upset with you, if he was he would have said something when they came in.”

“Dal?” Ryan said, turning to look at Dallon who just nodded. I turned his face back towards mine before speaking again.

“Look at me.” I said softly, once his eyes met my own I continued. “The only time I ever lied to you was when I said that he treated me well, and you knew that was a lie as soon as the words left my mouth. Just because we haven’t seen each other in a few years, doesn’t mean that I would start lying to you now.”

“So, it’s.” Ryan started to ask before cutting himself off when I started nodding. My hand was still on his face, so when he didn’t say anything else I pulled him closer for a quick kiss.

“It’s fine, it’s okay, we aren’t going to have to do that again.” I whispered against his lips.

“So, now that that’s out of the way Gee. I’m going to go out on a limb and say you guys didn’t just used to fuck?” Frank said.

“Oh, uh, yeah. You guys probably deserve an explanation.” I said looking between them before turning back to Ryan. “We should probably start at the beginning.”


	16. History

**Gerard’s POV**

 “So you guys used to date?” Dallon asked as Ryan and I got comfortable again, my legs across his lap as he traced small shapes on them.

“Uh, not exactly.” I said, sharing a guilty look with Ryan.

“He was dating a friend of mine, probably my best friend at the time.” Ryan explained, picking at my pants in what I recognized was a nervous habit of his.

“Wait a minute.” Frank said, finally snapping out of the daze he had seemed to be in. “I thought you looked familiar, you used to have black hair didn’t you? It was longer too.” Dallon looked confused and went to say something before Ryan spoke up.

“Uh, yeah. That was me.” Ryan said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

“So you fucked around with Gee, put him in danger, and allowed him to be hurt? You never thought to try to stop him? Get the fuck out of my house.” Frank said getting up with a fire in his eyes. Ryan looked at me and I nodded to reassure him.

“Frank wait, it’s not like that. Please sit back down, let us explain.” I said, looking him in the eyes. He looked between the two of us, still looking unhappy, but sat back down. “The first time I met Ryan, I was at Ronnie’s house and he had come over to see him.” I took a second to clear my throat and felt Ryan settle his hand over mine in support, causing me to smile a little.

“I thought he was the most stunning thing in the world when he opened the door. I had known that Ronnie had started seeing someone, but I hadn’t realized that it was him. So obviously I hit on him, the smile that it earned me made me breathless. Of course, once we entered the house, Ronnie introduced Gerard as his boyfriend. I smiled and pretended to be happy for him, after all Gerard is quite the catch.” Ryan said before turning to look at me. “Of course, as Ronnie’s friend, I had to push anything I felt for Gerard down and ignore it.”

“He made me smile, which was something rare after I started seeing Ronnie. We both tried to ignore the pull for Ronnie’s sake, and we succeeded at first.” I said, smiling sadly.

“So what changed?” Dallon asked, causing a look of guilt to flash in Ryan’s eyes.

“Well, Ronnie, he had kind of a thing for. What I mean is.” I wasn’t sure how to say what I wanted to say, and Ryan seemed to notice.

“Ronnie suggested a threesome and I agreed, I couldn’t just walk away from the offer of being able to be with Gerard in some way.” Ryan said. “I thought it would help me get the thoughts of him out of my head, but it only made it harder.”

“It was a few days later that I saw him next, Ronnie had left to go see one of their other friends for some reason or another. Ryan came over because he was supposed to have dinner with us and hadn’t realized that Ronnie wasn’t there. We sat in kind of awkward silence for a while before we decided to get high while we waited, that was the first time we kissed. It only lasted maybe a minute before we pulled apart, but it was enough to get us both hooked.” I said with a small smile.

“Ronnie came back shortly after that and I was terrified that he’d know what we had done, but he just chalked up our weird behavior to being high and what we had done a few days prior. After a couple weeks of avoiding each other, Ronnie suggested another threesome, and neither of us even thought to deny it.” Ryan said. “We couldn’t. Neither of us would admit it at the time, but it had killed us both to avoid each other like we had.”

“So you guys only fucked during threesomes including his ex?” Dallon asked.

“Well, I mean, that’s the way it started. It got to the point where we couldn’t deny it anymore though.” I said.

“There was actually a few times where I’d sneak out after being with Gerard, just to knock at the front door ten minutes later or so because I had plans with Ronnie or with both of them.” Ryan added with a small laugh.

“We were able to keep it hidden well enough that he never figured it out, but our feelings kept growing. He wanted me to leave Ronnie so we could be together, but I kept telling him I couldn’t. I never let on just how abusive Ronnie was, so he only knew that Ronnie had a bit of a temper.” I said looking down at my lap.

“When I heard about what you did to him, and the rumors as to why, I went to see him in the hospital. I told him to tell me the truth, and when he did, I felt sick. I told him that he was lucky that he was in the hospital and walked out, I never looked back. I couldn’t believe that he had laid his hands on Gerard even once, and I felt like shit for not noticing.” Ryan said looking to Frank.

“Ry, I was good at hiding it. I didn’t want you to know how he really treated me. I didn’t want anyone to know, but especially not you.” I whispered. He gave me a sad smile before leaning over to place a quick kiss to the corner of my mouth, making me smile.

“I thought he would never want to see me again, so I didn’t try. Then I thought I was right yesterday when that whole thing happened.” I squeezed his hand in way of apology.

“Yeah, Gee can be a bit of a bitch when he’s overwhelmed sometimes.” Frank said, making me laugh and throw a couch pillow at him.

“Fuck off, you’re supposed to be supportive, not call me a bitch.” I said.

“So you guys were kind of together, but not like actually together, together?” Dallon asked.

“Uh, yeah kinda, I guess.” Ryan said.

“We wanted to be, it’s just, we couldn’t really.” I added.

“And neither of you knew that I knew the other?” Dallon asked, making me shake my head.

“Not a clue. Trust me Dal, I like you for you. Seeing Gee again is just like a huge bonus, especially with how you guys all are.” Ryan said. I felt him draw a small heart on my leg and I couldn’t help but smile, it was kind of a code we had when I had been with Ronnie. I leaned forward and kissed him, letting it take over me for a second.

“I can’t help but think we missed something.” Dallon said.

“Gee has a way of communicating with people without saying a thing.” Frank explained. “So, yeah, we definitely missed something.”


	17. Terrible Things

**Gerard’s POV**

My phone went off, signaling a text as I was still curled up with Ryan. As I was taking my phone out, I noticed Dallon and Frank take theirs out as well, which meant it was more than likely the group chat.

**From Mikey** : Has anyone heard from Ash? We were supposed to hang out today.

As everyone messaged back saying they hadn’t heard from him, I looked across at Frank to see him looking back at me, both of us a little worried.

**From Zack** : I talked to him for like a minute this morning, he was really sick.

**From Zack** : I wanted to go over and check on him, but I haven’t had a chance yet.

**From Mikey** : Thanks, I’ll head over now.

“You think he’s alright?” Frank asked me.

“I don’t know, he did look kind of sick when he was here yesterday. He spent most of the day leaning against Zack.” I said, worried. I hadn't even realized I had starting chewing on my bottom lip until Ryan leaned over and pulled it free with his thumb.

“Am I missing something?” Ryan asked. “Is everything okay?” I shared a quick glance with Frank, neither of us wanting to be the one to explain everything to Ryan.

“A friend of ours is apparently pretty sick babe, nothing to worry about.” Dallon said as he put his phone back in his pocket. “But I should get going, I'll see you guys in a little while.” He added, kissing Ryan's cheek before leaving.

It wasn’t much longer before I heard my car pulling in and the doors slamming. I looked confused towards Frank, but he seemed as clueless as I did. I was about to say something when the door slammed open and we heard Mikey call for help. Frank was quick to get up and when they both entered I noticed Ashton in Frank’s arms as he carried him to the guest room and laid him down. “What happened?” I asked, already in the doorway with Ryan behind me.

“I don’t know.” Mikey said. “I got there, and he wasn’t waking up. I finally got him to wake up and he started shaking really bad and got sick.”

“Go get a bucket or something in case he gets sick again.” Frank said. Mikey left to grab one and Ashton started shaking.

“Help.” Ashton said, his eyes squeezed shut. “It hurts so much, please just make it stop. I’ll do anything. I’m so sorry.” Mikey came back in just in time as Ashton leaned over and started getting sick into the bucket he had just sat down.

“What do you think it is?” Mikey asked, looking at his best friend nervously. “I’ve never had this reaction.”

“I don’t know, and I told him to come to me if he started running low. I don’t want to give him the wrong thing, it could make this worse.” Frank said. I couldn’t place why it seemed so familiar, but Ryan seemed to know what to do as he took charge.

“Mikey, go get a damp washcloth, cool water please.” Ryan said as he moved to sit on the bed and moved the sweat soaked hair from Ashton’s forehead. “Frank get your stash, everything you’ve been supplying him.” I stood there biting my thumb nail anxiously as they did what they were told. “Don’t worry love, I’ve taken care of people in withdrawal before. He’ll be fine, you always were.” He took the cloth and placed it on Ashton’s forehead before looking through the box Frank had brought in. “It’s not here.” He muttered, thinking for a second before looking up at us. “Is he possibly seeing anyone else for drugs?” Frank and I looked at each other for a second and that seemed to be enough of an answer for Ryan. “Is he mixed up with Ronnie?”

“How did you know?” Mikey asked.

“He’s acting the exact same way Gee always did when Ronnie cut him off whenever they were fighting.” Ryan said.

“I uh, I’ll take care of it.” I said, already feeling anxious.

“Don’t even think about it.” Ryan said looking at me. “I’m still in touch with some of my old friends, I can get it. I’ll be back as soon as I can, keep an eye on him.” He added before leaving.

“We should let everyone know he’s here.” Frank said.

“Already on it.” Mikey said, taking out his phone.

**From Mikey** : Ash is at our house, Dal’s Ryan is going to get him what he needs.

**From Bren** : Ry and I will be there soon.

**From Alex** : Same, hope he’s ok.

**From Zack** : I’ll be there as soon as I can.

**From Dal** : On my way back now.

It wasn’t long before everyone was here and chatting. I seemed to be the only one on edge. _Maybe that was because I was the only one who knew what those people could be like. What would they do to Ryan who had escaped that life? Why isn’t Ryan back yet_? Brendon and Ryan talking to Dallon pulled me out of my mind. “So you and Ryan?” Brendon started.

“What about me and Ryan?” Dallon asked.

“Are you two like?” Brendon asked.

“He means are you guys like open, or no?” Ryan asked making Dallon chuckle.

“Uh, yeah no. We uh, yeah, we’re open.” Dallon said.

“So it’s cool if I slept with him? Or like if we did?” Brendon asked.

“Well you can certainly try, I don’t think you’ll get very far though.” Dallon said with a laugh.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ryan asked, sounding almost offended.

“I’ll let you just see for yourself.” Dallon said and I couldn’t help the small smile the words brought to my face. Frank looked at me and I knew that he could tell how on edge I was, even though no one else could. He was about to say something when we heard the door open and I went out, anxious to see if he was okay. We met at the doorway to the living room and I started checking him over as he spoke.

“Hey Dal. Frank, I’m sure you know what to do with this.” Ryan said, tossing the small bag to Frank before turning to me. “Gee, babe, I’m fine.”

“What took you so long? Are you okay? Did they hurt you?” I asked, only barely registering Brendon asking why I was acting off.

“I told you, I’m fine.” Ryan said. “Nothing bad happened, he just wanted to catch up since it’s been a while. I’m sorry I worried you so much.”

“Are you sure you’re fine? Do you need anything? I can.” Ryan cut off my rambling by pushing me against the wall and kissing me.

“Honestly, I’m not even surprised anymore.” Mikey said, finally coming out from the guest room where he had been with Ashton.

“Sorry, he was rambling.” Ryan said to Mikey before turning back to me. “Does that show you how fine I am?” I nodded, not trusting my voice at the moment.

“So when did this happen?” Brendon asked once we were sitting on the couch again, my legs over his lap.

“When did what happen?” Ryan asked as we finally tore our eyes from each other to look at Brendon.

“Apparently a few years ago, before they met Frank and I.” Dallon answered. “I’m cool with it though, I mean look at them.”

“True, you think they’ll let us join.” Brendon asked.

“I’d be surprised if they even let Frank or I join.” Dallon said, sounding amused.

“Hey, _they_ are sitting right here.” I said with more than a little sass. “And if you keep talking about _them_ like that, then you’re damn straight _they_ won’t.”

“God you’re so hot.” Ryan said leaning over and kissing me again.

“He should be fine soon.” Frank said coming out of the room. “Gee, I love you babe, and you know I don’t mind. Could you maybe not do that in front of everyone though, you look like you’re about to fuck on the couch.”


	18. Toxic

**Ashton’s POV**

I couldn’t tell what was going on around me, I heard talking but I couldn’t make out any of the words. I thought I saw Frank, but I couldn’t tell if he was real or not, I had been seeing a lot that wasn’t really there. I started feeling better as I started coming out of the daze I had been in. _Did Ronnie give in and come over?_ I looked around and noticed I wasn’t home. _Where am I? Where did he bring me?_ I tried to stand up and immediately felt nauseous and had to sit back down, dry heaving into the bucket beside me. I noticed a glass of water on the stand next to me and drank some of it before someone entered the room. The guy was cute and looked slightly familiar.

“Are you feeling better? Did he give you enough?” The guy asked as I was trying to figure out where I may recognize him from.

“I’ll be fine.” I said, not recognizing my own voice with how gravely it sounded. I cleared my throat and took another drink as he spoke.

“That’s not what I asked.” He said as he looked me over.

“I don’t want to piss him off right now, I’ll be fine.” I said. He rolled his eyes and came over to join me on the bed.

“If you want more, have more. I bought this one, so no one can say anything about it.” He said. I nodded and started cutting out two lines, letting my mind wander as I did the familiar motions. _Ronnie always had one thing on his mind when he brought me this, I’m sure his friends are the same way. Wait, is this the guy that Ronnie mentioned, Jacky? Is that why he looks familiar? It must be._ I did my line before passing it to him to do his.

“Thanks.” I said, putting the glass aside when he handed it back.

“Don’t mention it.” I didn’t let him finish as I pulled his face to mine and kissed him. When I didn’t get a reaction, I climbed into his lap and deepened the kiss. “Wait.” He said when I pulled back to breathe and start kissing his neck.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said no. I’ll make it up to you.” I said before connecting our lips once again and grinding against him. _I needed to be the best I could so Ronnie would know I had learned my lesson._

“I said wait.” He growled as he flipped us and pinned me to the bed.

“Mmm, you gonna fuck me now?” I asked low. Seeing the look in his eyes, I decided to push him as I arched my back. “I’ll be a good boy and let you do whatever you want.”

“Is everything alright in there?” I heard Gerard call in after knocking.

“What the hell is he doing here? Let me go.” I said getting anxious. _We had a deal, Ronnie wasn’t supposed to touch him._

“What are you talking about? He lives here.” He said as the door opened and I looked over to see Frank and Gerard standing there and finally realized I was in their guest room.

“Then who the fuck are you? Get off me.” I yelled, pulling my arms free and pushing him off as I felt my chest tighten. _I need to get out of here. Ronnie is still pissed at me, I need to make it up to him._

“What the hell are you talking about? You kissed me.” The guy said. I didn’t say anything else, I just pushed past Gerard and Frank, running to the front door. When I was almost to the door I ran into something solid, someone, who wrapped his arms around me and tried to calm my breathing. I recognized Zack’s cologne and it started to calm me.

“So now that things are calmer, what was that about a kiss?” Brendon asked, causing me to hide my face in Zack’s chest.

“He asked you a question.” The guy said with an edge to his voice. When I looked at him I noticed he still had the same look in his eyes.

“I was confused when I first woke up, I kissed him.” I said before finally tearing my gaze from him to look at Ryan. “Sorry Ry.”

“You don’t need to apologize, especially if you do it again in front of me.” Ryan said with a teasing tone. I noticed Gerard whispering to Frank as I turned back towards Zack hiding my face again.

“Hey, why are you acting so shy? This isn’t like you?” Zack whispered to me and I shook my head in response. “Is it because you don’t remember him? You were pretty out of it yesterday. It’s Dallon’s boyfriend, Ryan.” I didn’t have a chance to respond before Frank spoke up.

“Okay, everything’s looking better now. He should rest, everyone out, you can come back later.” Zack started to say something before Frank cut him off by continuing. “I said everyone out, that means you too Zack. You can come back later to see him.”

“When Ryan gets high on this, well he tends to get in a specific mood.” Gerard started once everyone had left, and that was all I needed to hear.

“I uh, I should go too then.” I rushed the words out and got up, ready to leave.

“Sit down, did I tell you that you could leave?” Frank ordered. I sat back down before I even thought about it and looked down at my lap. “That’s what I thought. Dallon, come on, we’ll explain.” Gerard went to his and Frank’s room for a second then they left. Ryan and I sat in silence for a moment until I started biting my lip.

“Don’t do that.” He said, startling me when I looked up and noticed he was now standing in front of me.

“I, uh, I’m sorry.” I stammered out. I gasped when he grabbed my neck, getting in my face.

“Did I say you could talk?” He asked and I shook my head. “Then shut it.” He added before licking my cheek. “You’ll talk when I ask you a question, if your begging me, or if you need me to stop, otherwise I don’t want to hear your voice. Now be a good boy and don’t make me gag you.” I bit my lip to keep any sounds from escaping my mouth. “What did I say? Don’t bite your fucking lip. You don’t fucking listen do you? I should beat your ass, maybe that’ll teach you how to listen. For now though, maybe we should find something else to occupy your mouth.” I licked my lips and nodded. “Then get your ass in that room, I’ll be in in a minute.” He said, releasing my neck and taking a step back.

I went to the guest room and when he joined me he was holding a blindfold, handcuffs, and a gag. “The gag is only here if you don’t keep your mouth shut, we will be using these two though. Do you have a safe word?”

“Uh, just colors sir.” I said quietly.

“Good, strip. Then I want you to bend over the bed.” He ordered and I nodded and did as I was told. He slipped the blindfold over my eyes and handcuffed my hands to the headboard so that my arms were stretched in front of me. He slid his hands over my ass before pulling back and slapping, causing me to bite my lip in order to hold in a moan. “Color?” He asked.

“Green sir.” I answered.

“Good boy. You know you deserve this, don’t you?” He said, slapping my ass again.

“Yes sir.” I moaned.

Later when we were done and laying in the bed back in our boxers, he rubbed my back. “I’m sorry if that was too much. We didn’t talk about any of that before we started.” He said.

“It was perfect.” I said, leaning into his touch.


	19. Miserable at Best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry in advance...

**Ashton’s POV**

**From Dickhead** : I’m coming over now, be ready.

**To Dickhead** : I’m kind of busy.

**From Dickhead** : Not anymore, you’re not.

_I wasn’t busy, I just didn’t want to see him. I didn’t have a choice now though, hopefully I could make this quick and get rid of him._ I sat on my couch bouncing my leg and biting my lip, feeling anxious. I must have lost track of time because before I knew it he was opening the door. “Hey babe, did you miss me?” He said.

“What do you want?” I asked, already feeling on edge.

“Just to talk. You’re looking a lot better than you should right now.” He said, walking towards me slowly as he looked me over.

“Yeah, so?”  I said, looking up to his face once he was in front of me.

“So, I expected you to break and beg for me to come over.” He said, pushing me back so I was laying on the couch. He climbed over me and started kissing me before moving to my neck.

“I tried calling you earlier this week, you refused to answer.” I said, trying not to give in to him.

“So let me guess.” He said, pulling back so he could look at me. “You ran out.” He trailed his fingers up my chest until his hand reached my throat and he placed the slightest amount of pressure to it. “You were probably so lonely, needed someone to fuck you right.” His other hand slid into my pants and started jerking me off, causing me to moan.

“Yes, please.” I said, almost as a whisper as I tried to get more.

“So you had to go look for someone who could get it for you, didn’t you?” He asked, tightening his hand around my throat until it was uncomfortable. “After all, I know Iero doesn’t carry what you need. I bet he can’t fuck you right either.” He tightened his grip more.

“Ronnie, loosen your grip, please. It hurts.” I said trying to pull his hand off my throat. He pulled his other hand from my pants to pin my wrists above my head.

“How the fuck do you know him?” He demanded.

“Know who?” I asked confused.

“Don’t fucking play stupid with me. How the fuck do you know Ryan?” He asked, his grip tightening until my vision started fading. He let my throat go before I passed out and forced me to look at him. _I couldn’t tell him anything._

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said. He slapped me across the face hard before turning my face back to his. His grip was tight enough to bruise.

“Don’t fucking lie to me you fucking whore. How the fuck did you meet him?” He asked, he was scaring me now.

“I said I don’t know what you’re talking about Ronnie.” I said as I tried pulling away, getting anxious when it just caused his grip to tighten.

“And I said don’t fucking lie to me.” He said, slapping me again across the opposite side. “Did you fuck him too? I bet you did, you’re nothing but a fucking slut. He offered you a bag and you couldn’t spread your legs fast enough. Well get spreading babe, because I brought some too.”

“Please stop, you’re scaring me.” I said. I could feel tears starting to come to my eyes as I tried to push him off. He looked like he was about to slap me again, before he balled his hand into a fist and punched me.

“Do I look like I fucking care? Take off your fucking clothes.” When I didn’t immediately move he punched me again. “Did I fucking stutter?” He went to pull off my shirt, tearing it slightly.

“N no sir.” I said, my voice and hands were both shaky as I started pulling my clothes off.

“Now turn the fuck over, I don’t want to see your whore face right now.” He said. He forced my head down into the couch as he fucked me, only letting off once he came, but not before making sure I got off too. “You can’t even pretend you don’t like it, not when you get off every fucking time. Now get dressed.” I nodded and pulled my clothes on with shaky hands. “Are you gonna fucking tell me how you met him now?”

“I told you, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said quietly.

“And I told you not to fucking lie to me.” He yelled, picking up a vase and throwing it towards me.

“I’m not lying.” I tried, flinching away when he threw something else. That pattern continued until half of the living room lay broken on the floor.

“Don’t fucking lie to me again.” He said, pulling my hair to make me look at him. “And I better never hear the word no come from your mouth again, got it?” I nodded.  “Fucking answer me.”

“Yes.” I said.

“Good, I’ll see you later babe.” He said, forcing a kiss to my mouth, biting my lip as he pulled away. “Here.” He said, dropping a bag on the table.

I don’t know how long I stayed there like that, staring at the wall before I finally moved, but I knew it was long enough for him to be gone. I pulled out my phone with shaky hands and pressed call. “Hey, I can’t really talk now, can I call you back later?” Ryan R. said once he answered before I could say anything.

“Okay.” I said softly before hanging up. I could feel my mind slipping, I knew what I needed right now, or who. I took a deep breath as I tried to stop my shaking hands before dialing the number. “Hello?” Frank asked with a laugh when he answered.

“I need you, please.” I said, trying to keep my voice even.

“What’s wrong? I’m a little busy right now but I can send Mikey.” He said before calling Mikey’s name.

“N no, please, you don’t understand. I, I need you sir.” I said, my voice cracking slightly at the end.

“Shit.” He said before I heard some ruffling. “Fuck Ash, what happened?”

“Please, can you just come here?” I asked, trying not to cry.

“I can’t baby boy, but don’t worry, I’ll take care of you. Just give me like ten minutes.” He said.

“Y yes sir.” I said quietly.

“Don’t do anything stupid, I’ll see you soon.” He said before hanging up. I pulled my knees to my chest as I waited and started crying. Before long I heard a knock on my door. Without lifting my face, I called for them to come in.

“What happened?” Ryan S. asked when he came in and saw the room looking the way it did and me hiding my face. I just shook my head. _Even after what we had done, I still didn’t know him that well. I need Frank._ “Look at me when I’m talking to you.” He ordered. I slowly lifted my face and watched multiple emotions flash across his face as he took in the sight of me. “Shit, what the hell happened?” He asked, sitting beside me and pulling me into his arms. “Are you okay?” He finally noticed the bag that Ronnie had left and got pissed. “Did _he_ fucking do this? I’ll fucking kill him.”

“Please don’t, don’t do anything. Please, I just wanna go to Frank’s.” I said. _I don’t feel safe here right now._

“Of course, let’s go.” He said, sliding the bag into my pocket before lifting me up and bringing me to his car. He allowed me to stare out the window in silence as he drove. Once the car was parked he leaned over, kissing my cheek. “We’ll take care of you.” Once we were at the front door he spoke again. “I just want to warn you that it’s a little busy in there right now. If you want you can stay behind me.” I nodded and he placed another quick kiss to my cheek before leading me in. I kept my head down, staying behind him as he spoke. “Frank, I brought him here, he wants you.”

“Is everything okay?” Frank asked as everyone’s voices died down.

“Nevermind, I shouldn’t have come here, can you just bring me home?” I whispered to Ryan. He turned to face me, placing his hand gently on my cheek.

“Shh, it’s okay, you don’t have to worry about anything here.” Ryan said. When I didn’t respond he lifted my face, so I was looking at him and I heard someone else gasp. I looked over to see Frank and Gerard standing a few feet away, Frank looking pissed and Gerard looking close to tears. Behind them stood Andy, Oli, Kellin, and Vic; who all looked pissed off as well.

“He’s a fucking dead man.” Frank said, making Andy and Oli smirk at each other.


	20. How Did We End Up Here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I was getting a lot of writer's block and thought I was going to have to take a break from my updating schedule so that I could get some more written. Thankfully, mostly due to an offhanded comment from a friend of mine, I got some ideas. Well, the next couple of chapters were written prior to that, but things will be getting dark soon.

**Ryan’s POV**

It had been a couple hours since Ashton called, and I was no longer busy. I took out my phone and called him back, getting confused when it just went to voicemail. _Is he mad at me for blowing him off earlier? Shit, I should have made time for him_. “Bren, I’m gonna head out for a minute. Ash isn’t answering his phone and I told him I’d call back when he called earlier.” I said.

“You want me to go with you?” He asked, wrapping his arms around my waist. I finally looked up from my phone to look at him before I answered.

“You don’t have to. He’s probably just taking a nap or annoyed at me for not talking earlier.” I said, hoping I was right.

“Okay, if you’re sure.” He said and I nodded before kissing him.

“I’ll be back soon.” I said before pulling away and heading over to Ashton’s house. I was more than a little confused when I pulled up to see the front door partially open. I made my way up to the door carefully, trying to hear something but there was only silence. When I pushed the door open, it was to see things thrown to the floor and broken, with Michael standing in the middle of the whole mess staring at something in his hands. “What the hell are you doing here? What did you do to him this time?” He looked up when I spoke, and I could see he had been crying.

“I didn’t do anything, it was like this when I got here.” He said before looking back down at what I now realized was a picture in his hands.

“That doesn’t answer my first question, what are you doing here?” I asked again.

“My cousin called me up and said he was walking past and heard yelling.” He said.

“Where’s Ashton?” I asked.

“I don’t know, he’s not here.” He said, distracted. I didn’t believe him and started up the stairs. “I already checked the whole house, he’s not here.” I turned and walked over to him.

“So why are you staring at this instead of looking for him?” I asked, pulling the picture from his hands. When I looked at it I noticed it was a picture of the four of them behind a piece of broken glass. They were all quite a bit younger, but there was no mistaking that it was them. They all looked happy and I had to smile at seeing how Luke and Ashton looked together. It had been a while since I had seen Ashton look that happy.

“I can’t believe he still has that picture, that was before everything happened. Back then the only thing any of us worried about was what movie we were gonna watch every Friday. That was before Luke and Calum even kissed for the first time. The four of us were inseparable, we thought that nothing could get between us. Now look at us, Luke and Ashton are ignoring each other. And I fucked up, god did I fuck up. I had always thought he was cute, but he was Luke’s cousin. Then when he came back after the summer looking different, I didn’t care what Luke thought. Everyone seemed interested in him though, and he wouldn’t even give me a second look. I just got so jealous, it felt like we were losing him, like I was losing him. God, I never meant to hurt him, I just got so angry. I’m so sorry for what I did, what I did to both of you.” He said, tears started to fall again as he spoke. I was shocked by his speech and pulled him in for a hug.

“He still cares so much about all of you, that could never change. Let’s not worry about that right now, let’s focus on where he could have gone. Why don’t we clean up a little? Then you can call your friends and I’ll call mine, we’ll find him.” I said. I sat the picture down on the coffee table before grabbing a garbage bag and starting to clean up. He looked so distracted, but we finally got the mess cleaned up. I first texted Bren to let him know what was happening then called Mikey.

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” Were the first words out of Pete’s mouth.

“Well hello to you too Pete. Why are you answering Mikey’s phone? Are you back to fucking him again? Actually that doesn’t matter, have you guys heard from Ashton?” I said.

“Oh, now you care? You didn’t seem to care earlier when he called you. You were probably off fucking Brendon again, weren’t you?” He said aggressively.

“Do you know where he is or are you just wasting my fucking time Wentz?” I said, getting annoyed.

“You and Brendon are literally the only two people who don’t fucking know, so don’t you dare try that attitude on me. If you were a better fucking boyfriend you’d know too. Get your ass over here or don’t, I couldn’t fucking care less.” He said before hanging up. I stared at my phone for a second before turning back towards Michael.

“I found him, I’m gonna head over there now, do you wanna join me?” I asked. “I just have to make a quick stop to pick up a friend of mine.”

“Sure.” He said, sounding numb.

**To Brenny** : Ash is at Frank’s, I’m picking you up.

We drove in silence until we picked up Brendon and he spoke. “What the hell is he doing here?”

“It’s fine Bren, we talked, he’s worried about Ash too.” I said, looking in the mirror back at Michael in the back seat who just looked broken at this point. I made my way to the house, only to have Pete storm out when he saw my car. Patrick was following behind him trying to calm him down. Pete grabbed me by my jacket and slammed me against my car. “Shit, what the fuck was that for?”

“Maybe if you had actually talked to him earlier he wouldn’t be in the position he is now.” Pete yelled, looking like he would punch me any minute.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked.

“Pete, calm down, he doesn’t know.” Patrick said, trying to pull him back.

“Doesn’t know what? What don’t I know?” I asked. Michael and Brendon were watching in silence before the words seemed to sink in for Michael and he ran up towards the house.

“And I can’t believe you brought that fuckhead here, that’s the last thing he needs right now. The only reason I’m not beating his ass right now is because he actually seems worried about Ashton, and they’ll take care of him if he tries anything. Now fucking go in there, but I don’t care who you are, I will kick your ass if you upset him more.” He said, finally letting me go so I could walk up to the door. When I walked in everyone was in the living room staring at where Ashton was in Michaels arms, his face hidden in his shoulder as he cried.

“You brought him here?” Frank asked when I walked in, pointing to Michael. I nodded and waited for him to yell at me. “Thank you. We’ve been trying to get him to talk, this is the first time he’s spoke since he first got here. We tried everything, but he just sat there in silence. Zack couldn’t even get him to do anything else. Kells tried too, still nothing. Nothing until Michael walked in.”


	21. Missing You

**Ashton’s POV**

I refused to tell anyone that this had been Ronnie’s doing, I had told Frank I had gotten into a fight and that Ryan had been too busy for me when I had called earlier. The more people that showed up, the quieter and more withdrawn I became. I couldn’t focus on anything or anyone, there were too many people and everyone’s words seemed to blur together until I couldn’t make any sense of them. I pulled my knees up to my chest and hid my face in my arms, only moving to jerk away when someone tried to get too close. Finally a voice broke through everything else. “Ash?” Michael said, causing me to finally look up to see that he was really there.

“Mikey.” I said. Before I even knew what I was doing I had gotten off the couch and was already wrapped in his arms. I started crying before I could stop myself as I hid my face between his shoulder and neck. “Mikey.” I repeated in a whisper this time. “Please don’t leave, I miss you so much. I’m so sorry.”

“Shh, there’s nothing for you to be sorry for Ash.” He said, rubbing my back to try to calm me. “I won’t leave you, I promise. I’ll be here for you as long as you want me to, probably longer. Do you want me to call Luke?” I shook my head quickly.

“No, no Luke. I, I can’t see him right now.” I whispered.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” He asked. I shook my head again, staying silent this time.

“He said he got into a fight with someone but wouldn’t say who though.” Frank answered for me.

“Will you tell me who it was?” Michael asked, causing me to shake my head again. “Well tell me the other guy looks worse than you at least.” He joked. When he realized that it only seemed to upset me he held me tighter. “It’s okay, you’ll be okay. We’ll get through this.” _I especially can’t tell him who it was, it would break his heart._

“Babe?” Ryan said and as hard as I tried, I couldn’t stop my mind from flashing back to Ronnie calling me the same name. _It’s not Ronnie, I know it’s not him. I’m safe. I just need to see him, I need to physically see that it’s not Ronnie_. I lifted my face slowly and looked to Ryan and Brendon. “Jesus Christ, what happened?”

“It’s okay beautiful, the bruises will fade, and you’ll be back to your normal gorgeous self in no time.” Brendon said, earning a smack to the back of his head from Pete. I couldn’t hold in the small giggle that escaped that made everyone look at me, Pete wearing a smile of his own.

“I would gladly beat the fuck out of this idiot if it kept a smile on your face sweetheart.” Pete said making me smile again a little. Before I could say anything in response though, Michael spoke up.

“Are you some kind of idiot or something Brandon?” Michael started before Ryan cut him off.

“It’s Brendon actually.” Ryan said with an attitude.

“Do I look like I care?” Michael sassed, causing Pete to laugh and Patrick to hush him. “Now Brandon.” He started with enough attitude to show that he was doing it on purpose, causing Dallon who had already looked about to laugh to let it out.

“Dallon.” Ryan S. chided, though he looked more amused than anything.

“What? He’s funny, can we keep him?” Dallon asked and Pete nodded and high fived him. I nodded and cuddled more to Michael who only tightened his grip.

“Oh my god Pete, stop, please.” Patrick said, sounding almost embarrassed.

“Now as I was saying, are you fucking stupid or something?” Michael started, glaring at Brendon. “He will always be fucking gorgeous, with or without things marring his face. If you think differently then you’re either blind, or stupid. Which is it?”

“Neither.” Ryan R. started, stepping closer. “He was just trying to make Ashton feel better.” He turned to me and reached to push some hair from my face before Michael glared at him.

“Don’t you dare fucking touch him.” Michael said, pulling me away.

“Oh, that’s rich coming from you.” Ryan R. snapped.

“Fuck you, I don’t need to deal with this. I can tell when I’m not wanted.” Michael said, making me grip his shirt tighter.

“Oh really? Is this a new skill of yours?” Ryan R. asked with an edge to his voice.

“Ryan enough.” Frank snapped. “I’m not dealing with this shit right now. Ash wants Michael right now, and we want Ash to stay here. I won’t hesitate to kick you out if you decide to start shit. Actually that goes for everyone, if anyone makes Ashton uncomfortable they can leave. That includes starting shit with Michael.”

Before much longer, everyone had cooled off and we were all relaxing. I was laying on the couch with my head in Michael’s lap as he slowly ran his fingers through my hair. Oli had sat at the other end and after watching me try to fit between them comfortably, he pulled my legs onto his lap. I couldn’t keep my eyes open and finally dozed off, finally feeling safe.

 

**Michael’s POV**

I felt Ash’s phone vibrate and reached into his pocket to retrieve it. “Hands to yourself.” Ryan snapped.

“Chill, his phone is going off, I’m just making sure it’s not Luke or Cal.” I said as I pulled his phone out and looked at the caller id. The name said Dickhead, but I recognized the number. _Why the hell is Ronnie calling Ashton?_

“Hey babe, I’m sorry about earlier, you know I didn’t mean it. How about I come over and make it up to you? You’re still my perfect little slut, we all make mistakes sometimes. We’ll get past this. I’m at Jacky’s now, but I can be there in ten minutes. Just say the word babe, you know you want it as much as I do.” Ronnie said when I answered the phone.

“What the fuck?” I asked making everyone look at me.


	22. Wonderful

**Michael’s POV**

“Shit, Mikey?” Ronnie asked, surprised.

“Yeah, obviously I wasn’t who you expected.” I snapped.

“Fuck, yeah, sorry. I must have hit the wrong number. I was trying to call Ashley, you remember Ashley, right? Pretty little. Uh, nevermind, sorry Mikey. I know that must have been really awkward for you to hear.” Ronnie said, tripping over his words.

“You don’t fucking say.” I said, still annoyed. “Next time double check your fucking phone before you start talking like that to one of my friends. He’s been through enough without having to hear that.”

“What do you mean? Is he okay?” He asked.

“He got beat up earlier, he’s fine.” I said, brushing my hand through his hair.

“Oh my god, did he say who did it?” He asked, sounding worried.

“No, he won’t say anything.” I said, looking down at him.

“Sorry Mikey, tell him I’m sorry and I hope he feels better soon.” Ronnie said.

“Okay, I will. I’ll talk to you later.” I said before hanging up the phone.

“What was that about?” Frank asked as his boyfriend took his cup to get him another drink.

“Oh, it was just my cousin, apparently he hit the wrong contact and accidentally called Ashton.” I said. I heard a crash and looked over to see Gerard with the glass broken at his feet.

“Shit, I’m so sorry. I’ll pick that up right now.” Gerard said as he kneeled down and started picking up the pieces.

“Gee stop, you’re gonna hurt yourself.” Someone I didn’t recognize said as they went over to where Gerard was still trying to get the pieces. “Gee look at me.” He said taking Gerard’s hands that now had blood on them from where he had apparently gotten cut from the glass. “Dal, can you take care of this? I need to help him clean his cut.”

“No problem.” Dallon said as got up and went to the kitchen.

“What.” I started before Frank cut me off.

“I don’t want to hear it. If you decide to start shit, I won’t hesitate to kick you out again, regardless of what Ashton wants. This is my house and you will respect the people who live in it and their guests.” Frank said. I bit my tongue and nodded, looking down at Ashton when I noticed him start shivering. I tried to wake him up, a little worried that something was wrong. “Stop, you’ll do more harm than good right now. With the stress he probably just forgot to.” He cut himself off and changed what he was saying. “Nevermind, I’ll take him.” Frank took him from me and brought him to one of the rooms as he called for Ryan.

“What the hell is going on? Is Ashton going to be okay?” I asked, looking around the room for someone to give me an answer, though no one seemed to want to. When instead of Ash’s boyfriend, the guy I didn’t recognize went into the room, I had enough. I got up and went to the door, ignoring Mikey telling me to stop. I was about to open the door when Frank stepped out and looked at me shocked.

 

**Ashton’s POV**

Ryan and Frank gently woke me up before Frank left the room. “You need to do some, you were starting to shake.” Ryan said. I nodded and pulled the bag out then grabbed the glass and blade from the night stand.

“Do you want some?” I asked as I started getting it ready, ignoring the commotion from the other room.

“No, I’ll pass, thanks.” He said. I nodded again and cut out a line, I was in the middle of sniffing it up when the door opened. I finished it and looked up to see Michael standing in the doorway.

“Shit.” Was all I could say before Michael spoke.

“Ashton? Oh my god.” Michael started.

“Mikey, please don’t.” I started before he cut me off.

“Is this because of me? Because of what I did? Did I turn you into a drug addict?” Michael asked, sounding worried.

“Actually, that would be.” Mikey started before he cut himself off with a grunt, meaning someone probably elbowed him to get him to shut up.

“What Mikey was trying to say is that Ash isn’t a drug addict.” Frank said.

“Mikey, I’m so sorry. I swear this has nothing to do with you.” I said as I put everything away and put the bag back in my pocket. “Please, just don’t tell Luke or Cal. Luke would kill me.”

“Of course I won’t tell them, not if you don’t want me to.” Michael said as he came closer and moved the hair from my face. “It’s your business, they don’t need to know. I know for a fact that Luke hid it from you when we started smoking weed, hell we all did.” I went back out to the living room, but I was feeling restless, and I knew at least a couple people could tell.

“Angel, are you okay? Do you wanna talk or something?” Mikey asked, watching me.

“It’s okay, I just.” I noticed my phone on the coffee table and reached for it. “Why is my phone on the table? It was in my pocket.”

“Oh, Ronnie called. He said he’s sorry that happened to you and he hopes you feel better soon.” Michael said. I felt a spike in my anxiety and knew I needed to do something.

“Oh, um okay, thanks. I’ll be right back.” I said, rushing the words out before going to the other room and closing the door. With shaky hands I took out my phone and started dialing the number. Before I could press call there was a knock on the door. “I, I’ll be right out.” I said, trying to keep my voice from cracking.

“Can I come in?” Kellin asked. When I didn’t answer he came in and shut the door behind him. “Are you okay?” I shook my head.

“I should call him back.” I said, my anxiety still rising.

“What? No, no you shouldn’t. Why do you think you should?” He asked, looking confused.

“At least he still wants me, even when I look like this.” I said, looking down.

“So? That’s no reason to call him.” He said.

“So, who else would? My own boyfriend has barely even looked at me since he saw me. I look horrible. At least before my face could somewhat distract people from how fat I was, now I.” Kellin cut me off before I could say anything else.

“Stop, you’re gorgeous. And who ever said you were fat? If anything, you’re too thin. You’re perfect.” He crossed the room as he spoke and laid his hand on my waist as he looked me in the eye.

“You think I’m perfect?” I whispered.

“Of course you are.” I didn’t know if he was planning on saying anything else, but if he was, I didn’t let him before I leaned up and kissed him. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he kissed back. When we fell onto the bed, he finally pulled back for a moment. “I’ll prove it to you.” He started by kissing across my jaw and down my neck, before pausing to pull my shirt off. Once it was off and tossed to the side, he began kissing down my chest then stomach, teasing the edge of my pants with his fingers. He glanced up once he reached my pants and after a quick nod, he pulled my zipper down with his teeth before using his hands to pull them out of the way.

“Oh fuck.” I said as he took me into his mouth. I bit my lip to keep quiet as I arched my back. One of my hands became tangled in his hair as the other held onto one of his. “Please.” I whispered as I got closer, everything he was doing was driving me crazy and he kept me on edge for longer than I was used to. Once he finally finished me off, he fixed my pants before lying beside me and kissing my jaw. I smiled over at him before starting to undo his pants, getting confused when he stopped me.

“No baby, this was just for you. I wanted to show you just how beautiful you are, inside and out, with or without these bruises. You’re perfect.” He said before kissing my forehead and allowing me to lay my head on his chest.


	23. Bad Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's some happiness before things start doing downhill on Friday. Also I made new covers for both stories, you can find them below.

  

 

**Ashton’s POV**

“Hey Ash, we were talking. We’d like you to stay for a couple days, if you feel up to it.” Gerard said when Kellin and I left the room. “Michael can bring you to your house to get whatever you need, then you can come back here. How does that sound?”

“I don’t want to be a bother, really, I’m fine.” I said, fiddling with my fingers.

“You’re staying with us.” Frank said, in a tone that showed it really wasn’t up for discussion. “At least for a couple days.”

“Um, okay then. When did you wanna go Mikey?” I asked shyly.

“We can go right now if you want.” Michael said as he slid his phone back into his pocket. I nodded and let him lead me to his jeep. We made the trip in silence, and when we got to my house he finally spoke. “I’ll stay down here and let you get your stuff together. Just yell if you need me.”

“Okay, thanks Mikey.” I said, biting my lip.

“No problem.” He said. I kissed his cheek before heading up to my room. I packed the basics and enough clothes to last me a few days, it reminded me of when I had been packing to visit Louis, Harry, Niall, Zayn, and Liam for the summer. Once I was done packing, I grabbed my bags and headed back downstairs, halting for a second when I heard more than just Michael’s voice.

“Oh, hi Luke. Hi Cal.” I said quietly, causing all three of them to look towards me.

“What.” Calum started before Luke interrupted.

“What the fuck? Do you just get off on people beating the shit out of you now?” Luke asked with an attitude.

“Lucas!” Calum chastised before grabbing Luke by the arm and leading him to the other room. “We’ll be right back, don’t leave without saying goodbye.” He said to us before shutting the door. I rushed to Michael, who wrapped me in his arms. “I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you lately Luke, but I’m getting sick of it. He’s your cousin and he’s obviously going through a really rough time. Stop acting like he’s a slut, you’re the last fucking person with any room to speak.” Michael could tell that hearing the words was getting to me and turned on the tv, gently rubbing my back to keep me calm. A few minutes later we finally heard the door open back up and Michael turned the tv back off. “Luke has something he’d like to say to you Ash. As long as you’re willing to hear it.”

“Sorry. I’ve been kind of a dick, okay, a huge dick lately. I’m really sorry for everything, I guess I just didn’t know how to deal with everything, and it came out in the worst way possible. Can you ever forgive me?” Luke said. I nodded; the words hurt, especially coming from him, but what hurt more was not being as close as we used to be.

“Well sorry to cut this short, but we should really be going. Things to do, people to see, you know how it goes.” Michael said, grabbing my bags and heading out to put them in the trunk. I followed him out and got in. While I waited for him to get in, I decided to call Louis. It had been too long since we had spoken, and I needed to hear his voice. After a few rings it went to voicemail, so I called Harry, knowing they were always together. When it only resulted in his voicemail as well, I put my phone back in my pocket. _I should have known they wouldn’t want to talk to me, who would?_ Michael didn’t pry and allowed us to make the trip back in silence as well.

“You can put those right in Mikey’s room.” Frank told Michael who had carried my bag in, and I looked at him confused. “Michael can’t stay the whole time, so we thought you would be more comfortable in Mikey’s room.” I nodded, looking down and biting my lip for a second before speaking up.

“Would it be alright if I laid down for a while?” I asked so quietly that it almost came out as a whisper. I was feeling overwhelmed with everything that had been going on and just wanted to be alone.

“Why don’t you stay out here for a little longer? Hang out with me before I have to head home.” Michael said. I nodded and sat on the couch, pulling my knees up to my chest again. Michael sat next to me and gently stroked my back, not knowing what else he could do to make me feel better. I tuned out everyone’s words as I allowed myself to get lost in my own thoughts. The thing that finally pulled me out was when I heard a knock on the door. It already felt like there were too many people here, but I knew I couldn’t disappoint them, so I stayed where I was.

“Hey Ash, can you look up for a second? We have a couple new guests that may be staying here for the night, maybe two.” Gerard said. I pretended not to hear him as I kept my face hidden and started to let myself get lost in my thoughts again.

“After we came all this way you could at least look at us.” Louis teased. My head whipped up when I heard his voice and saw Louis, Harry, and Niall.

“Lou?” I asked, not believing my own eyes and already on the verge of tears.

“Of course babe, there’s nowhere I’d rather be. Liam and Zayn would have come too, but you know how Zee’s schedule is.” Louis started as he came over and sat with my wrapping me in his arms. “Michael texted us and told us what happened, let us give him hell for what happened before. He gave us all the details to get here and your other friends were nice enough to offer to let us stay here.” I sniffled and cuddled into him crying a little.

“Are they always like this? Ashton just seems, I don’t know, like more trusting or something with him.” Pete said. They had seen me upset before, but there was always a different way that I would react around Louis compared to anyone else.

“Yeah, they’ve been like this for ages. They were friends before Lou ever even met Harry, they were always just kind of a package deal. Louis just has this like maternal instinct or something when Ash is hurt.” Niall explained.

“You wanna fucking repeat that asshole?” Harry snapped a minute later. When I looked up, I saw him glaring at Brendon and Ryan R.

“Well it’s true.” Brendon said in defense before turning to Louis and I. “All I said is that you’ve god a great ass, I’d love to try it out sometime.” He said with a wink. Louis laughed but Harry found it anything but funny and grabbed Brendon.

“Do you have a fucking death wish?” Harry asked.

“Chill Harry.” Louis said. Harry let him go, surprising everyone but Niall and I. “You know I only have eyes for you.”

“Whipped.” Dallon said, hiding it behind a cough and causing Pete to laugh and Ryan S. to elbow him. “What? Brendon’s flirting, and especially his mouth is gonna get him in trouble someday. I for one will find it hilarious and hope that I’m there to see it.” Pete laughed again and Ryan S. was trying his hardest to keep a straight face.

“Your mouth is gonna get you in trouble too Dal.” Ryan S. said with a fond smile as he shook his head.

 


	24. Always Searching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this is a day early, but I wanted to surprise you all and say Happy Valentine's Day. Plus, I'll be a bit tied up tomorrow with Umbrella Academy. Also, I'm way ahead with chapters again, yay!

**Gerard’s POV**

Michael had made an excellent decision when he had decided to get Ashton’s friends to visit, the change in his mood was obvious. They had only been able to stay for two nights before leaving, and we could all tell Ashton wasn’t quite ready for it. We were giving them space so that Ashton could say his goodbyes without everyone around. I looked across the room at Ryan, the past couple day had been a little testing for the both of us. None of us had wanted to push any lines in front of the three people we barely knew, but we knew that Ashton needed them here. “What do you say we find out if he wants to go to the park with us today darling?” Ryan asked and I nodded as Pete spoke up.

“I thought you were going with me today Dal?” Pete asked, sounding confused.

“I am, he was talking to Gerard. He never calls me darling, usually just dal, or sometimes babe. I’d almost be jealous if I couldn’t do this.” Dallon said pulling Ryan in for a rough kiss that left them both breathless.

“Hey Ash, did you wanna come to the park with us today?” I asked when he came back in a few minutes later.

“Sure, I could probably do with getting some fresh air.” He answered, surprising me a little, I thought it would take a little convincing to get him to agree to go. “When are we going?”

“Well, we were just waiting on you actually.” Ryan answered with a smile. “We can head out now if you want.”

“Okay, sounds great.” Ashton said. We walked to the park that was only a couple blocks away and were having fun. Ashton even smiled, a real smile not one of the fake ones he seemed to be putting on lately. After a couple hours we decided to head back home and relax, we had only been there for about a half hour when Ashton got a text.

“Hey, I’m going out with Michael, Luke, and Cal tonight. Michael just asked me if I could. I have to head home first but I’ll see you guys later, alright?” Ashton said with a small smile before heading out.

“This’ll be good, right? He’s opening back up, and actually willing to deal with public places. Not to mention he hasn’t hung out with them in a while.” Mikey said. I couldn’t help but agree, Michael had helped a lot and we could only hope that the other two would as well.

It didn’t take long before I started having a bad feeling about him going out, but I pushed it away and didn’t let anyone know. I kept pushing away, trying to avoid looking at the clock as it got later, and we hadn’t heard anything from him. I finally allowed myself to look at the clock and the pit in my stomach only grew, he should have been back by now. _I knew that we shouldn’t have him go by himself. Hopefully he just lost track of time_. I decided to just send a text and see when he’d be back, but after waiting for a response for a half hour, it only worried me more. Maybe he just crashed at one of their houses already. I forced myself to stop worrying and just get some sleep.

When I woke up, the first thing I did was check my phone, only to see that there was still no response from Ashton. I decided to call Michael and see if he knew where he was. “Gerard?” Michael asked with a yawn when he answered.

“Hey, did Ash crash at your house last night?” I asked, trying to keep the worry out of my voice.

“No, actually I crashed at Luke’s. He texted us and said he couldn’t make it. Figured he was still at your house.” He said, stifling another yawn.

“No, and I haven’t heard from him. He told us he was going out with you guys and had to go home to get ready. Can you go over to his house and see if he’s there?” I asked, more worried now as I got up and started pulling on clothes.

“Yeah, no problem. Just give me a second to throw my shoes on.” He said and I heard some shuffling on his end. A few minutes later I heard him calling Ashton’s name before speaking again. “Shit, no, he’s not here.”

“Fuck.” I all but yelled.

“We’ll be right over, we’ll find him.” He said before hanging up. I ran my fingers through my hair anxiously before walking out to the living room where I heard laughing.

“Luke, Calum, and Michael are on their way over.” I said flatly on my way through to the kitchen to grab a drink.

“Alright, they bringing Ash too?” Frank asked. Ryan noticed something was off before I could speak though.

“Darling? What’s wrong?” Ryan asked as I walked back in the room with my coffee.

 “Ash is missing.” I said, feeling the knot in my chest tighten.

“Shit, are you sure?” Frank asked. “Maybe he just.” He added before trailing off.

“No one has heard from him.” I said. We sat mostly in silence until there was a knock on the door.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Frank asked with an attitude when he answered the door.

“Relax Iero, Mikey told me what happened, I just want to help look.” Ronnie answered. Ryan and I shared a look, both anxious about what would happen once he entered the room. It had been years since all three of us were in the same room together. When they made it into the living room Ronnie glanced between us with a look that I couldn’t decipher before speaking again. “Hey Ryan, been a while, hasn’t it?”

“And yet not nearly long enough.” Ryan said with a scowl on his face.

“Well that’s hardly fair, I’m sure you remember just how close we used to be.” Ronnie taunted, he was trying to rile both of us up and we both knew it. “Hell, you were at my house more than your own. You got real close with my ex, don’t you remember?” I could see Ryan clenching his fist, but no one could have predicted the next thing that was said.

“Wait is this your friend that left when you stopped dating that whore?” Michael asked making Ronnie smirk.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Frank said grabbing Michael by his shirt and getting in his face until Ronnie pushed him off, getting between them. My anxiety only grew as I saw the stance Ronnie was taking, I knew the type of things he was capable of.

“Don’t you ever lay your hands on him again Iero. He doesn’t fucking know. If you have a problem with anyone here it’s me, and we all know you can’t do shit without someone having your back.” Ronnie said, he was in Frank’s face glaring at him and daring him to say something else. When he didn’t, Ronnie took a step back and glanced at Michael before looking back to us and answering. “Yeah Mikey, and meet the whore and the pussy he cheated on me with.” He said motioning to me then Frank.

“Not that I have to defend myself to you or anything after the shit you put me through, but I never so much as looked at Frank as any more than a friend while we were together, so stop acting like you were a victim. I started dating Frank because he was able to help me pull myself back together after everything.” I said, feeling my anger take over as I continued. “Now can we please look for Ash, or would you rather keep starting shit? Because if that’s all you’re going to do today, then you can get the fuck out of my house. I have enough to worry about right now, I don’t need to deal with your shit too.”

“I wasn’t the one starting shit Gee, but if Iero lays one more finger on my cousin I will be ending it.” Ronnie said, sending Frank another look.

We decided it would be best if we split up to look, that we would be able to cover more ground that way. After all of us looking for a few hours, none of us had seen any sign of him.

 

**Ashton’s POV**

I woke up slowly as I heard the door to the room I was in being unlocked, then opened. “See love, I told you I’d be back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am slightly worried about some of the reactions I will get from this, as well as the next few chapter.


	25. Chemical Prisoner

****

**Ashton’s POV**

I tried speaking to tell him to let me go, but the gag he had placed in my mouth made it only come out as muffled nonsense. “I know babe, but you know I had to make sure you’d stay silent while I was gone. We didn’t need someone to hear you and try something before we could really talk, did we? After all you were pretty out of it last night after I gave you that, weren’t you? You could barely even keep your eyes open.” I fought against the restraints and tried screaming through the gag, I couldn’t even glare at him because he had decided to blindfold me as well. “Now, now. It’s that type of attitude that could make this difficult.”

I tried telling him “Fuck off.” but again it was too muffled to be clear, though I still think he got the message.

“First, the lying, now the attitude. I’m getting tired of it, do you need to be reminded about what happens when you piss me off? Did you like it that much last time? Are you really that much of a kinky bitch?” He said, grabbing my jaw in a bruising grip, turning my head to what I assume made it seem like I was looking at him. “If you would just fucking behave, I could make this so much more enjoyable for you.” He added, turning my face away as he began mouthing along my jaw. I tried to hate what he was doing, but he knew every spot that made me fall apart.

When he moved his hand down to my pants, rubbing my dick through them, I tried telling him to stop but it came out almost sounding like a moan. I could feel him smirk against my skin as I tried to jerk up into his hand. I was on the edge when I finally pulled his hand away, making me groan.

“After everything you’ve done, what makes you think you deserve to cum? Why shouldn’t I leave you just how you are? Or better yet, why shouldn’t I put a cock ring on you? Make it so you can’t cum while I take what I want from you.” He asked as he climbed over me. I thought they were rhetorical questions until he pulled the gag loose, letting it hang around my neck. “Go on then baby boy, let me hear you beg.” He said before licking a stripe along my neck that made me shudder.

“Please Ronnie, please don’t leave me like this. Just touch me, please.” I said, trying to rub up against him, finding that he was just out of reach.

“Oh, baby boy. You beg so pretty, don’t you?” He said, sounding almost proud before changing his tone. “But like I said, you were a very bad boy. If I get you off, you’re gonna have to make it up to me. You’re also going to have to tell me what you did wrong so we can start fixing it. You think you can do that for me?” I nodded without a second thought. Without saying anything else he slid his hand down my pants and finished me off. “Open your mouth for me love.” I did, expecting him to want a blow job in return, but instead he pushed his fingers into my mouth. “Be a good boy and lick them clean for me.” He said. I did as he asked until he slid his fingers from my mouth but allowed them to linger against my bottom lip. “Now why don’t we start with you telling me what you did wrong?”

“I tried giving you attitude when you came back, I’m sorry. And I said I didn’t want to see you last night. I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have, but I was supposed to be going out with Michael.” I said, hoping that it would appease him.

“I know you were supposed to meet with him last night, how do you think I knew you’d be alone? Don’t worry though, I texted him from your phone so he wouldn’t worry. Now tell me about the lying.” He said, trailing his fingers along my jaw.

“What lying?” I asked, confused. _When did I lie to him?_

“Don’t fucking play stupid again, I know you know Ryan. How the fuck do you know him? We can either do this the easy way or the hard way.” He threatened.

“I don’t know him.” I said. He punched me in the face, it seemed to hurt more now that I hadn’t even seen it to expect it. “Fuck.” I yelled in pain.

“Hard way it is, I guess. How the fuck do you know him?” He asked again.

“I don’t.” I started before getting cut off by another punch. I could taste blood in my mouth, and I tried to move my face away.

“How do you know him?” He asked, an edge to his voice.

“I swear.” I started and he threw another punch that made the blood even worse. “He’s dating a friend of mine.” I said, finally giving in as I coughed some of the blood out onto my lips.

“What’s your friend’s name?” He asked as he ran a finger along my lips to smear the blood.

“Dallon.” I said, feeling weak and like I wanted to cry.

“Good boy, you wanna know how I knew you were lying?” He asked, without waiting for a reply before answering. “He got a bag from a close friend of mine, the same friend I do. That friend found it interesting since Ryan hadn’t gotten any from him in over a year. He then decided to let me know. Then I found out that you had gotten it. Now, why did he get it for you?”

“I don’t know.” I started, causing him to punch me again. “I was going through withdrawal.”

“So, your friend’s boyfriend, that barely knew you, decided to get help you? How did he even know what you needed? Did you tell him? Did he do it so he could fuck that pretty little ass of yours?” He asked, his fingers were now trailing along my neck.

“I couldn’t, I don’t know why he did. He just said he recognized the symptoms. He didn’t do it to sleep with me, he said he just wanted to help.” I said, flinching as he forced my face forward.

“Don’t lie to me.” He threatened as he dug his fingers into a bruise, causing me to whimper in pain. “I know exactly the type of person he is. I know him better than anyone else.”

“I’m not, I swear. I slept with him afterwards, but that wasn’t the reason he got it for me. If I hadn’t acted so slutty, he wouldn’t have even looked away from Dallon, he loves him.” I said.

“Then why does he look at Gerard the way he does? Is it because he acts like a little slut too?” He asked, his tone almost playful.

“He doesn’t, Gee’s not a slut.” I started, this time expecting the punch as it came.

“Yes he is, he’s a little fucking whore who would get down on his knees for anyone as soon as they said the word. I saw you at the park with them yesterday, I watched how they interacted, as well as how they reacted with you. I could tell that they’ve both fucked you. So, let’s try this again. What’s the deal with those two?” He said, his tone darker than before.

“They’re friends.” I said, trying to be vague and end the conversation.

“Are they just friends? Or is something else going on between them?” He asked trailing his fingers along my jaw before pulling his hand away. “I want you to think very carefully before you answer me.”

“I don’t know.” I said, wincing as he gripped my hair and pulled it back hard, so my neck was arched up. “Wait, stop, please don’t hurt me.” I said, feeling my tears soak into the blindfold. “I really don’t know. They’ve kissed a couple times, but I kiss people without anything going on between us too.”

“You’re doing so well, I just have one more question for you love.” He whispered into my ear before kissing down my mouth until he reached my shoulder. Once he reached his destination, he sucked hard enough to leave a mark. “Was anything going on between them behind my back when I was dating Gerard?”

“I don’t know.” I said, earning another punch. It seemed to hurt more as he was still holding my hair. “I’m not sure.” Another punch, making me start to feel lightheaded. “I think so.”

“Bingo. Why do you think so?” He asked, finally letting go of my hair. I sighed in relief of not getting hit again before I answered.

“None of us had heard anything about him until Dallon introduced him. There was a fight between Gee and Ryan. Then they were really close, closer than people who didn’t know each other, or that didn’t like each other. Please, you have to believe me, that’s all I know.” I said, crying from the pain as well as the feeling I was getting from betraying them.

“That’s fine, you did so well, such a good boy. How about I give you something to help with the pain?” He asked soothingly and I nodded. He tied a band around my arm and slid a needle in. I wasn’t sure what was in it, but I started feeling warm all over before my mind started going hazy.


	26. Give Up the Fight

**Ashton’s POV**

The next few times I woke up, it was only long enough for Ronnie to ask me some questions before he would give me something to knock me back out. Sometimes he would give me something small to eat or water. One of the times I had woken up he had decided to dye my hair, said the blue was growing out too much. He hadn’t replaced the gag in my mouth, seemingly pleased with how I was acting.

That’s why it surprised me when this time when I woke up, it was to the gag being back in my mouth and muffled talking in the other room that I couldn’t make out. I stayed silent like he obviously wanted and soon heard the door to the room being unlocked then opened. “Hey baby boy, sorry I had to put the gag back in. I just needed to make sure you were quiet while I was on the phone.” He said while pulling the gag free.

“Thank you. I promise I’ll be quiet though, you don’t need to put that back in.” I said. He was silent for a second before I felt his lips on mine and I kissed him back.

“You’re so good for me.” He said as he pulled away. “Perfect. I need you to do something for me, okay? I need you to go back to sleep for a little while, can you do that for me?” He asked and I nodded. “Good boy, I just need to go out for a little while and meet an old friend of mine. When I get back, we can get high and have some fun.” He added before I felt a prick to my arm.

 

**Ryan Seaman’s POV**

I stared at my phone for a moment after I hung up, wondering what exactly had just happened. “Hey, is everything okay?” Gerard asked me, snapping me out of my thoughts as I looked over at him.

“Uh, yeah. That was Ronnie.” I said, still confused about the phone call. Gerard’s and Frank’s faces both snapped to meet mine when they heard the name. Dallon was silent for a second before finally speaking up.

“Wait, wasn’t that your friend who dated Gerard?” Dallon asked, sounding almost as confused as I felt.

“Yeah Dal. He uh, he said he wanted to go get drinks and talk. Said he wants to fix things between us and be how we used to be.” I said, watching as Gerard bit his lip. It had been over a week since Ashton had disappeared, and since then Gerard has been paranoid about anyone going anywhere alone. “I’ll be fine darling, we’ll be in a public place and I won’t be gone long. Dal and Frank will be here to keep you company, I’m sure you’ll hardly even realize I’m gone.”

“It’s not just that though, why does he want to talk to you now? What’s different now? What does he want?” Gerard asked, sounding worried.

“I don’t know darling, but I plan to find out.” I said pulling on my jacket and placing a kiss to his forehead before turning to Dallon and kissing him. When I pulled away, I motioned quickly towards Gerard and Dallon nodded. I mouthed ‘thank you’ to him before leaving to head to the bar I was told to meet at.

When I got there, I sat across from him, taking the drink he passed me. “What do you want?” I asked bluntly.

“I already told you what I want Ry, I miss this friendship. I want to fix things between us.” He said, causing me to roll my eyes.

“Sure, and suddenly I’m straight. What’s the real reason? It’s been long enough that you could have said something, why now?” I asked.

“Look, I kinda started seeing someone, and it’s causing me to reevaluate all of my relationships. I really do miss this friendship, we used to be so close, so inseparable.” He said. I looked for any signs that he was lying and didn’t see any, so I decided to finally take a drink.

“So, this new relationship, is it anything serious?” I asked.

“There’s definitely potential. Enough about that though, what about you? You got a boyfriend too, right?” He said. I didn’t remember telling him that, but he must have figured it out from seeing us together.

“Yeah, he’s great. Makes me wonder how I got so lucky.” I said, thinking about him.

“Well, tell me about him. Like, how did you two meet?” He said, signaling for two more drinks. I started telling him and before long we were laughing like we used to. It was starting feel like it had before we had ever met Gerard. “It was great seeing you Ry, we should do this again, soon.” He said as he checked the time. “I should be getting back though, so I’ll see you around.” He paid for the drinks and patted my shoulder. I followed him out and made my way to my car, it took me a minute to unlock the door and I realized I shouldn’t drive. I fumbled with my phone for a second before I was able to type the right number in and call Dallon.

“Hey Ry, how’s it going?” Dallon asked when he answered. There was some shuffling on the other line before I heard Gerard’s voice.

“Ryan? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Gerard asked, making me start laughing.

“You worry too much. I’m fine, just a little drunk. I need someone to come pick me up. Oh, and my car, I don’t think I can leave it here.” I said as I patted the top of the car. I realized he was saying something, and I had missed whatever it was. “I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

“I said we’ll be right there, stay where you are.” He said before saying something to the others.

“Thanks darling, you’re a life saver. Love you.” I said with a smile.

“Love you too, I’ll see you soon.” He said before hanging up.

“You alright?” Ronnie asked with a laugh, walking over.

“Yeah, think I just had a bit too much to drink.” I said, leaning my back against my car.

“You were always kind of a lightweight.” He said shaking his head and leaning against the car next to me.

“And you were always kind of a dick.” I said with a laugh as I threw my arm over his shoulder. He started laughing and I pulled him in to kiss his cheek. “But for some unknown reason I put up with it.”

“Might have had something to do with this.” He said placing a hand on my cheek and kissing me. It brought back memories that I had pushed away, making me torn between kissing back and pushing him away. Before I had a chance to react, I heard Dallon and felt Ronnie pull back.

“What the fuck?” Dallon yelled, suddenly in Ronnie’s face. “You think you can just go around kissing other people’s boyfriends?” I turned away from them to see Gerard, he was the only one who didn’t exactly look surprised, only hurt. He had been around to see Ronnie and I make out before.

“He didn’t exactly seem to mind it.” Ronnie said to Dallon.

“Stop, please, both of you.” I said.

“Sorry, we apparently both had a little too much to drink.” Ronnie told Dallon. “See, hands off.” He added, holding his hands up. “Well now that I see that you’re properly taken care of, I’ll see you around Ryan.” Once he had walked away Gerard turned to me and shook his head.

“Get in the car.” Gerard said, annoyance lacing his voice.

“Look, I’m sorry. We were fucking around, and it just happened.” I explained.

“I know, just get in the fucking car. It’s not like this is the first time this has happened, right? We can all talk about this when you’re not drunk.” Gerard said, holding the door open for me and giving me a look. I got in, ignoring Frank and Dallon asking what he meant. Gerard took a second to say something to them and give Frank a kiss before getting in and starting the car.

“I really am sorry Gee, I didn’t plan to kiss him.” I said, knowing whatever I said couldn’t excuse my actions.

“I know, and I told you we can talk about this later. Please, let’s not worry about this right now.” He said. I nodded and stayed silent, letting him focus on driving until there was suddenly the sound of screeching tires and we were slamming on the brakes causing my head slamming off the dashboard in front of me. Frank’s car got hit and our car swerved off to the side of the road to avoid being part of the collision.

Neither of us seemed to care about what had happened to us as we both got out of the car as quickly as we could, running over to the car that had spun out and ended on the side of the road. A few other cars had stopped, I heard someone calling 911 as we made it to the car. I had to hold Gerard back as we reached the car and had a chance to look in the windows to see the amount of blood we did. Gerard was screaming as he turned in my arms, breaking down. I struggled to stay strong, tearing my eyes away from the horrible scene in front of us.


	27. Barely Breathing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so late, got caught up doing things today.

**Ronnie’s POV**

Drinks with Ryan had gone better than planned and when I had gotten home, I was feeling horny. I went into the room where Ashton had been staying and watched him sleep for a moment. His hair was a pale blond now, almost white, and he was dressed in my clothes. I took my time untying each knot before gently shaking him awake. “Hey baby boy, I’m back.” He stretched as he woke, before realizing that his hands were free and reaching for the blindfold as he sat up. When his fingers touched it, he paused, I couldn’t help the smirk that came to my face at the show of control I had. “Go ahead love, you can take it off. Want you to blow me anyway, and I love looking in those pretty eyes when you do.”

“Thank you.” He said once he had removed it and took a second to look around the room before leaning forward to place a quick kiss to my cheek.

“You look absolutely stunning today.” I told him, smirking as his cheeks turned pink. “As promised, I brought you something to make you feel better.” I said holding up a bag, watching his eyes light up. I cut out a couple lines, letting us each do one before speaking again. “We’ll do more in a little while, how about you get on your knees for me now?” He nodded and wasted no time getting on his knees and taking my cock in his mouth. I got lost in the feeling before my phone started ringing and I looked to see it was Ryan calling. “I need you to be a good boy for me love, keep quiet and don’t stop what you’re doing.” I answered the call as I ran my hand through his hair.

“Hey Ry, what’s up?” I asked. I couldn’t understand what he had said at first, all I knew was that he was crying. “Hold on, slow down. What happened?”

“Dallon was in a car accident.” He said after taking a moment to control his voice.

“Shit, fuck, stop.” I said pushing Ashton back and fixing my pants. “How the hell did that happen?”

“We were leaving the bar; this car came out of nowhere and hit the car that Frank and Dallon were in. We’re at the hospital, Mikey finally got here a little while ago. It’s been so hard to pretend to be strong, I can’t do it.” He said, his voice starting to waver again.

“Shit, do you want me to go there? Or I can pick you up?” I asked. I glanced down at Ashton who looked a little worried and nodded to let him know I would explain after I was off the phone.

“Please, I just, I can’t do this alone.” He said.

“I’ll be right there, don’t worry about a thing.” I said before hanging up.

“What’s wrong?” Ashton asked, worry evident in his voice.

“Ryan’s at the hospital, apparently Frank and Dallon were in a car accident. He’s freaking out, I need to get him out of there.” I said.

“Frank and Dallon? Are they okay?” He asked, sounding stressed.

“I’ll check up on them for you while I’m there babe, okay?” I asked, receiving a nod. “Here I’ll give you another line to hold you over while I’m gone, but I’m gonna need you to be a good boy and let me tie you up again, okay?” He nodded again and I gave him a line before tying him, face down this time and retying the blindfold around his eyes. “I’ll be back in no time.” I kissed him before putting the gag in his mouth as well and leaving.

When I reached the hospital, it took me no time to find Ryan who was still in the waiting room. When he saw me, he came over and hugged me, letting me wrap my arms around him to comfort him. “How bad are they?” I asked.

“There was so much blood, I don’t even know who’s was who’s. I still haven’t even been able to force myself to see either of them.” He said.

“Well, why don’t we do that before we get out of here? I’m sure it’s worse in your mind, this might make you feel a little better.” I said. He nodded and I put my arm over his shoulder, getting both room numbers from the receptionist before leading him to Frank’s room first. I knew it would hurt him less to see Frank than it would to see Dallon. I had seemingly forgotten though that I would have to deal with both Ways being in the room with Frank.

“What the hell are you doing here? Haven’t you caused enough problems? Why do you even care about Frank being here?” Mikey snapped when he noticed me.

“I’m here for Ryan, not for anyone else, and certainly not to hear you bitch. So why don’t you just shove it right now? Ryan only wanted to check on Frank before we went to see Dallon, then we’re gone.” I said, not wanting to deal with a fight right now. I saw the look Gerard sent to Ryan who was currently just staring at Frank, but I chose not to comment on it, just shooting him a dirty look instead. After a minute, I tapped Ryan’s shoulder, snapping him out of his daze. “You ready?”

“Yeah. I don’t know if I can though.” He said quietly.

“Of course you can, come on.” I said, leading him down a few rooms to where Dallon was. Dallon seemed to be in better shape, though it seemed to hit Ryan harder. He would have sunk to his knees if I hadn’t pulled him into my arms, rubbing his back as I stared at the guy passed out in the bed. I could see what Ryan saw in him, even behind all the cuts and bruises he was attractive. “Come on, let’s get out of here.” I said, leading him out of the room.

“I just want to forget.” He said, sounding pitiful.

“I have just the thing.” I said, leaning to whisper in his ear before continuing. “We’ll get high and just forget the world like we used to. How does that sound?”

“That sounds perfect.” He said, nodding. I helped him to my car before driving to my house and bringing him to the living room. I took out the box I kept everything in and started cutting out lines, before prepping a couple needles and grabbing a bottle of pills. I knew how each drug affected him, as well as his tolerance for everything; the benefit of knowing him as well as I did. He took everything I gave him, not even realizing when I pushed his limits on everything. I knew he wanted to forget everything for a while, and this was always the best way for him to.

I looked to see his eyes looking glazed over and pulled him closer before connecting our lips. I let him take control for a second before flipping him over. “You know I’m always in control.” I said in warning.

“You know how I get though, why can’t we both be in charge this time?” He asked.


	28. Jaded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so sorry, I completely forgot that today was Friday (well, yesterday now). I have been babysitting my two nephews and my niece for the last couple days and have been really overwhelmed because of it (not used to any kids).

**Ryan Seaman’s POV**

As soon as the words were out of my mouth his eyes lit up, I knew that look. “You sure about that babe? Is that really what you want?” He asked before starting to kiss my neck. If possible, he had somehow gotten better then he had been when we were friends.

“Fuck, if you keep that up, I will flip you over and fuck you right here.” I said.

“Do you remember the first time we fucked someone together?” He asked, grinding against me as memories flooded my mind. “Or what about any of the times we fucked Gee? He was such a little whore for us.”

“Fuck, stop.” I said, starting to push him back. I was hard but I couldn’t let him talk about Gerard like that.

“What would you say if we could do that again?” He asked.

“No, he wouldn’t. He, shit.” I said, cutting myself off as he palmed me through my pants.

“Not him. That guy I was telling you about, he’d do it. He’s already let Jacky and I, he’s a kinky little bitch.” He said.

“Fuck, yes, call him.” I breathed out.

“Don’t have to babe, come with me.” He said getting up and pulling me into a kiss before leading me to one of the rooms.

“Shit, he’s here?” I asked. Instead of replying he held a finger to his lips and opened the door to reveal a guy tied to the bed. From what I could tell he looked hot, he had a nice body.

“Baby boy? You up?” He asked, causing the guy to raise his head to look towards Ronnie, giving me a glimpse of a blindfold and gag. He ran his hand over his shoulder as he leaned in to whisper something in his ear that made the guy nod. He reached into the nightstand and grabbed out a bottle of pills as he motioned for me to come closer. After pulling the gag from the guys mouth, he spoke. “Open your mouth love, I have something for you before we start.” Ronnie slid a pill in his mouth, and I took the chance to look over the guy. “My friend can’t stop staring at your perfect ass love.”

“He’s right, it is perfect.” I said reaching out to run my hand over it before landing a smack that caused him to moan.

“Now fuck him like the slut he is, show me what you can do.” Ronnie commanded.

I woke up feeling disoriented and hungover, which only got worse when I remembered what had happened the night before. It was all a blur, but I vaguely remembered the actions. “Fuck, I shouldn’t have let that happen. What was I thinking?” I muttered to myself before sitting up and feeling a wave of dizziness. I walked out to see Gerard on the couch and realized I was back at his house.

“You look like shit Ry, how are you feeling?” He asked sounding worried.

“A little hungover, what about you? You don’t look that great either.” I asked. He handed me a bottle of water and a couple pain pills, letting me swallow them down before he spoke.

“They made me leave when visiting hours ended. Kinda happy I came home now.” He said giving me a weak smile as I sat next to him, pulling his legs into my lap.

“How the hell did I even get here?” I asked confused.

“You were pretty fucked up, I’m not surprised you don’t remember. Ronnie brought you here, you were really out of it and he didn’t know where you lived. Figured I wouldn’t mind the company overnight.” He said and I nodded. He was silent for a moment before speaking up again. “You fucked him didn’t you.” He asked, not wanting to look at me.

“I, not exactly.” I said, feeling a wave of guilt.

“The two of you fucked someone else then.” He said. It wasn’t a question, he knew it had happened.

“Darling, I’m so sorry. I was so fucked up, I wasn’t in my right mind.” I said, knowing it didn’t excuse what I had done.

“Who?” He asked.

“What?” I asked.

“Who was it? Did you know him?” He asked.

“No, it was this new guy that Ronnie started seeing. I swear it meant nothing, and it’ll never happen again.” I said. He leaned forward, kissing me. We sat there kissing for a while before my phone started ringing.

“Ignore it.” Gerard whispered against my lips. I nodded and pulled away only long enough to send the call to voicemail. I paused as I looked at the number before I could though, something told me to answer.

“Hello?” I asked, sending an apologetic look to Gerard.

“Is this Mr. Ryan Seaman?” A woman’s voice asked.

“Uh yeah, can I ask who’s calling?” I asked, starting to get distracted as Gerard kissed my jaw.

“You’re written down as the person to contact in the case of a Mr. Dallon Weekes.” She said, getting my attention.

“Yes, yes, what happened? Is everything okay?” I asked, getting worried.

“Well Ryan, my name is Alecia. I’m calling because Mr. Weekes has just woken up about a half hour ago. The doctor has already been in to check on him and has cleared him for visitors.” She said cheerfully.

“What?” I asked, standing up and shocking Gerard who still didn’t know what was going on as I pulled my shoes and jacket on.

“Yes sir, he’s awake now. I assume I should be expecting your visit shortly?” She asked.

“Yes, yes of course. I’ll be right there.” I said, still trying to wrap my mind around what she was saying.

“I look forward to meeting you.” She said before hanging up. I stuffed my phone in my pocket before running my fingers through my hair.

“What’s wrong? What was that about?” Gerard asked, pulling his own jacket on.

“Dal’s awake.” I said. Gerard smiled, giving me a quick kiss before speaking.

“That’s great. How are you going to explain last night though?” He asked.

“Shit, I don’t know. I barely even remember what happened. I don’t know, but I can’t worry about that right now, we need to get there.” I said. My thoughts were racing through my mind as we made our way to the hospital. “We’re here to see Dallon Weekes.” I said once we reached the receptionist’s desk.

“I’ll take it from here Stacy.” A woman said. When we turned to her I noticed she had pastel pink hair and tattoos, she was not someone I would think would work in a hospital. “Ryan?” She asked and I nodded. “I thought so, I’m Alecia, we spoke on the phone. I’m the nurse for Mr. Weekes as well as the man he came in with.”

“Frank, that’s a friend of ours.” I explained.

“And who is this with you?” She asked.

“Gerard, he’s Frank’s fiancé.” I said, glancing at him before turning back to her.

“That’s great, congratulations. Good, you’re the one to contact in the case of Mr. Iero. This makes this much easier, are you both alright if we speak about both of them with both of you?” She asked, looking between both of us.

“That’s preferable.” Gerard said.

“Great. Well this will only take a moment, then I can lead you to Mr. Weekes’ room. If you’d follow me.” She said as she began walking. “Mr. Weekes woke up this morning, he’s a bit disoriented but doesn’t seem to be suffering from any serious head trauma, only a few sprains and internal bruising as well as some cuts from the broken glass. Mr. Iero seems to have taken the brunt of the impact; he has a broken arm and his shoulder was dislocated. We cannot be sure of the extent of head trauma he received if any real damage until he wakes up. We are still running tests on him, but he has stabilized. I think that’s about everything for now.” She said with a smile as she motioned towards the open door. “Oh, I almost forgot. It’s not really a big thing while they’re here, but like when we send them home. Obviously neither of them will be able to perform any strenuous activities for a while.” She said with a wink before walking away.

“Are you ready?” Gerard asked. I could sense his anxiety and squeezed his hand as I nodded.

“Dal? I asked as I entered the room.


	29. Run, Don't Walk

**Ashton’s POV**

I woke up untied and curled up to Ronnie’s side with my head on his chest, his fingers combing through my hair. “You were so good for us last night baby boy.” Ronnie said leaning down to place a kiss to my temple. “He really seemed to like you, did you like him?”

“He wasn’t as rough as Jacky was.” I said in relief, at least I wasn’t aching all over this time.

“But you like when people are rough with you, don’t you?” He asked. I hummed in response, not really wanting to answer him. “Hey, are you okay? What’s on your mind?”

“I’m just a little worried about Dallon and Frank. I’ll be fine.” I said, my voice just above a whisper. _How are they doing? Are they okay?_

“Maybe if you keep being a good boy for me, I’ll let you visit them.” He said as he rubbed my shoulder. I whipped my head up to look at him.

“Please, I’ll do anything.” I said, my voice pleading.

“I know you will love.” He said pulling my face to his and kissing me. “We will need to set some base rules first though.” I nodded. “You don’t tell anyone you were with me. You still do what I say, when I say it. If you can’t do it exactly then, you will tell me why and do it as soon as you can.”

“I understand.” I said before kissing his cheek and laying my head back down on him with a small smile at the prospect of being able to see them.

It was a couple days later when he brought it back up, I thought he had forgotten and didn’t want to bring it up in case he got upset. “Do you remember the rules I gave you?” He asked as I sat on the bed. It was early and I didn’t really understand why he had woken me up.

“Yes, of course.” I said with a small nod.

“Good, get dressed.” He said throwing clothes on the bed beside me. I looked up at him confused and he continued. “You’re going to the hospital to see your friends.”

“Really? Thank you so much.” I said, standing up and kissing him deeply.

“Hurry up. Come out to the car when you’re done.” He said before walking out. I got dressed as quickly as I could, folding the clothes I had been wearing and running my fingers through my hair to make it look more presentable. I hadn’t really liked the almost white color he had dyed my hair at first, but it was starting to grow on me. On my way through I stopped in the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror and splashed some water on my face. I looked horrible but there was nothing I could do about it now, only let the bruises finish healing. They were mostly gone, but sometimes I didn’t fully listen Ronnie would slap me. When I was finished, I ran out to the car and got in with only a brief pause to let my eyes adjust to the brightness outside. “Here, put these on.” He said handing me a pair of sunglasses. I stayed silent as he drove until he spoke. “We’re almost there. It’ll be before visiting hours so you’ll have to wait a little while, but this way no one will see me dropping you off.”

“Thank you again.” I said quietly.

“Oh, here’s your phone.” He said, handing me my phone as we pulled into the almost empty parking lot. He pulled me in for one more kiss before nodding towards the door. “Now get in there, I’ll see you later.” I got out only taking a second to watch the car pull away before going in and up to the desk. No one was behind the desk when I stepped up, but before long a woman with light pink hair walked over.

“Can I help you?” She asked. She looked like she wanted to say something after giving me a once over but decided against it.

“Oh, um, I’m here to see Frank Iero or Dallon Weekes.” I said nervously, I started biting my lip to help with the anxiety.

“Well lucky you then, I’m their nurse. It’s still a little early for visiting hours, but I think I can sneak you in.” She said with a smile. “Just follow me, I’m going to check on them now.” I followed her to Frank’s room first, staying out of the room until she came back out. “You can head in now, just don’t let anyone know I snuck you in. And when you’re ready, Dallon is three doors down.”

“Thank you so much.” I said. She gave me another small smile before walking to the other room. As I walked into the room my anxiety spiked for a moment before I realized he was still sleeping. I sat in the chair that was placed by his bed side, watching him for a moment before I started crying. I wasn’t used to seeing him look so fragile, he was supposed to be the strong one between all of us.

“Excuse me, who the hell are you? And what are you doing here?” Gerard asked from behind me.

“Sorry, was just leaving.” I said, my voice a little rough from crying, as I wiped my tears and fixed the sunglasses. I pulled up the hood to the hoodie before turning around, keeping my face slightly turned as I walked past him.

“You didn’t answer my question.” He said, raising his voice. I ignored him as I walked out, hiding my face as I noticed Mikey getting ready to enter the room.

“Hey, answer my brother’s question.” Mikey said, his voice a little louder than Gee’s had been. “Excuse me, I’m talking to you. The least you could do is look at me when I’m talking to you.”

“Mikey, calm down, we’re in a hospital.” Pete said, walking out of Dallon’s room and looking annoyed.

“I’ll calm down when this asshole tells us what the hell he was doing here or why he was in Frank’s room.” Mikey said grabbing my arm roughly, halting me and jerking my hand out of my pocket.

“Mikey.” Pete said sounding confused and slightly breathless.

“He needs to give us some answers.” Mikey said. I shook my head, _this couldn’t be happening._

“Mikey.” Pete said, getting pushier.

“What Pete?” Mikey snapped.

“Look at his hand.” Pete said. Mikey paused, his grip slipping as he noticed what Pete had.

“Ash?” Mikey asked, his voice just above a whisper. I pulled my arm free and did the only thing I could think of, I ran towards the entrance. I heard someone running after me, gaining on me as I made it through the doors. I didn’t expect the strong arms that wrapped around me, stopping me in my tracks.

“No, you can’t do this to us, to me, not now. You can’t just reappear after two weeks and run off like that.” Pete said. “You’re coming back in there with me. You don’t have to say anything, but you’re not disappearing on us again.” I nodded and felt his grip loosen before he let go, only to turn me around and pull me into a tight hug.


	30. Unwell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I got new furniture for my room and some of my old furniture broke. Because of this, I had to go through everything and rearrange everything to make sure it was organized. Included in this mass of things that I had to go through, was my horde of like 30 (? maybe 40?) notebooks. A couple of those notebooks had things I had written in them, some were just things I had already typed up, but a few of them were ideas I had for new stories. Well, one of those ideas stood out and I decided to start writing it, because you know, one very detailed story isn't enough for me if I still have some free time. I've already written about 90% of the first chapter, the current title is 'Good Times'. The characters will be from different bands like this one is, but I want to make it clear that in no way are these two stories connected. I'm hoping to have this first chapter posted maybe Sunday, as I think that would be a good day to have a different story update while I'm still working on this one. I have not yet ironed out all the details of it, but it will include Ryan Ross as the main character who likes to dress a little on the girlier side sometimes and kind of looking like Pretty.Odd. era and will also be taking place in high school. I will be posting a page with the main characters and how I envision them before the first chapter. I might change the summary a little before posting, but so far it's:
> 
> Ryan had to pack up and leave the house he knew to move in with his cousin, which meant transferring to a new school where he knew next to no one. He hated being the center of attention and hoped he could just blend in. He makes some friends quick enough, but they don't exactly like when he starts hanging out with the two guys that rule the school, regardless of his reasons.

**Ashton’s POV**

We went back in and I sat silently by his side in Dallon’s room. “I don’t know how you found out, and I don’t really care, I’m just really happy you’re here now.” Pete said after a few moments of silence as we watched Dallon sleep. He took my hand in his, running his thumb across the outside of my hand before he spoke again. “He woke up the day after the accident. Ryan has been blaming himself from the moment they watched it happen. They had only gone out because Ryan was too drunk to drive. Honestly though, without him, Gerard wouldn’t make it, this is hitting him really hard. I mean, Frank is the love of his life and his best friend. I can’t even imagine how I’d feel if that was Patrick.”

“If I knew all I had to do to get pretty boys to come to my bed was get in an accident I would have done it sooner.” Dallon said softly when he woke up. “Hey gorgeous, I’m Dallon, and you are?” When I turned to him and lowered the sunglasses, I heard the small intake of air as it hit him. “Ash?”

“Hi.” I said, putting the sunglasses back on. “I’m sorry I disappeared like that.”

“Where were you?” Dallon asked. I looked to Pete, feeling uncomfortable.

“Now’s not the time to get into that Dal, we should worry about you right now.” Pete said. We sat for a little while longer before Pete spoke up again. “You know, it’s about time for Ryan to show up, we should go check on Frank.” I nodded.

“It’s nice to see you Dal, and I’m glad you’re feeling better.” I said before heading out to the hall with Pete.

“Hey Mikey, why don’t you come with me to get some coffees.” Pete said once we reached Frank’s room. Mikey looked like he wanted to say something, but after Gerard shot him a look he went.

“So, would you care to tell me where you were?” Gerard asked once we were alone and I was sitting in the chair opposite him on Frank’s other side. I shook my head, opting to stay silent. “Or why you didn’t answer any of our calls or texts? Or didn’t think to call or text us?”

“My phone was off.” I said quietly.

“For two weeks?” He asked and I nodded. “Okay, well how did you hear about the accident?” I shrugged in response. I was starting to feel worn out after everything and I was sure he could tell because he stopped pushing for answers. I finally felt fully safe now as I laid my head on the bed, taking Frank’s hand in one of mine, and let my eyes close.

“Hey, we’re back.” Pete said as they walked into the room before realizing what was going on.

“He looks exhausted.” Mikey said, sounding a little worried. “Ryan just got here, you should catch him up on everything.”

“Thanks. I’ll be right back Ash, I’m happy you’re safe.” He said running his fingers through my hair softly. I let myself start to doze off to the hushed murmurs that I couldn’t make out from the hallway. I jerked awake when someone touched my shoulder and looked up to see Gerard. “We got pizza for lunch, you should eat.” I nodded and laid my head back down, but instead of closing my eyes I stared up at Frank. Gerard sighed and walked out of the room returning a minute later with two plates and set one in front of me. “Come on, eat.”

“I’m not hungry.” I said, not moving.

“I don’t care, you’ve been here for a few hours now, and wherever else for two weeks. I don’t know when the last time you had a decent meal was, or anything at all to eat. You look like you’ve lost weight, so wherever you were, you probably weren’t eating properly. So, like I said, eat.” Gerard said, his voice tense.

“Gee, I’m fine. I told you, I’m not hungry.” I said flatly.

“And he said to eat, so eat.” Ryan said, walking into the room. His tone left no room for argument, so I sighed and lifted my head and fixed the sunglasses and hood before starting to eat the pizza in silence. Once I was finished with the first slice, I tried handing the plate back to Gerard before Ryan shot me a look. I glared at him even though I knew he couldn’t see my eyes behind the sunglasses as I started eating the second slice.

“There, happy?” I asked once I was finished.

“No, now tell us where you’ve been for the last two weeks.” Ryan ordered.

“Fuck off.” I responded, laying my head back down.

“Is that any way for you to talk to your friend after they’ve worried about you?” I heard Ronnie’s all too familiar voice ask. I jerked my head up to see him in the doorway, staring me down before turning to Ryan. “I can’t stay long, but I know you wanted to properly introduce me to that boyfriend of yours.” A moment later, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

**From Dickhead:** Apologize to Ryan, and I don’t want to hear you disrespecting him again.

**To Dickhead:** Sorry, it won’t happen again.

I looked up to see Gerard watching me and I slid my phone back in my pocket. “I hate that they’re becoming friends again, almost as much as I hate whatever was or is going on between the two of you.” Gerard said, making me look down at my hands. “I’m not saying that to make you feel guilty, you know. I just worry.”

“I’m really sorry I made you all worry so much, I didn’t mean to. I wish there was some way I could make it up to you.” I said, my head down.

“You don’t have to make it up to any of us, just please don’t do it again.” Gerard said. I nodded and went around the bed to crawl in his lap, facing him. I hid my face in his neck as I clutched his shirt and felt him wrap his arms around me.

“Adorable.” Ronnie said a little while later. The tightening of his arms was the only sign that Gee showed that he had heard what was said. “Well, I’m off. See you later Ry.”

“Yeah, see you.” Ryan said, sounding distracted.

“I’m sorry I snapped.” I said, looking up to see that Ryan was now behind Gee.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m just happy you’re back.” Ryan said, kissing my forehead before leaning his head against Gerard. “This nightmare’s almost over.” He added quietly, like he was trying to convince himself.


	31. Bitter Sweet Symphony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have posted the first chapter of 'Good Times', you can find it on my profile.

**Ashton’s POV**

We were deciding on what to do for dinner when Ronnie showed back up, I was happy to be back on the other side of Frank so Gerard couldn’t notice my hands start to shake. “You okay Ash?” Gerard asked when he noticed I was being quieter than normal.

“Just need some water I think.” I said, clearing my throat and getting ready to stand up when Ryan spoke up.

“I’ll get you some.” Ryan said with a small smile as he left the room, returning only a moment later with a cup of water and handing it to me.

“Thank you.” I said softly before taking a sip before returning my gaze to my shoes.

“So now that you’ve actually met Dal, when do I get to meet this new guy of yours?” Ryan asked Ronnie.

“Do you treat him any better then you treated me?” Gerard said, venom lacing his words. “Or are you still just an asshole that fucks with people and their emotions?”

“Well he actually listens.” Ronnie shot back before turning back to Ryan. “You’ve already met him Ry.” I drank more of the water to try to avoid this conversation.

“Yeah, but that wasn’t actually meeting him. I didn’t even really get a good look at him, not to mention, I was pretty fucked up.” Ryan said, confusing me.

“You had your dick in his ass, I think you got a real good look at him.” Ronnie said making me choke on the water, causing all three of them to look at me. Ryan looking slightly guilty, Gerard looking worried, and Ronnie with a smirk. _Shit, Ryan was the friend that came over that night?_

“Enough talking about the two of you fucking someone.” Gerard started before Ronnie cut him off.

“Why Gee? You jealous it’s not you anymore?” Ronnie taunted.

“As if, I just don’t want to hear it, and I highly doubt Ashton wants to either.” Gerard said, still watching me.

“I don’t know, maybe Ashton is interested.” Ronnie said, his tone suggestive.

“Stop Ronnie, we’ve discussed this already, I told you it was a one-time thing.” Ryan said.

“Thanks, now can we please discuss dinner instead of dicks?” Gerard asked. I stayed silent while they discussed what to eat, going over what I had just learned. _He couldn’t have known it was me, right? He would have said something, wouldn’t he?_

“We’ll go get it, we’ll be right back.” Ryan said before both he and Ronnie left.

“Sorry about that, I know you didn’t want to hear about that. Ryan was really fucked up after the accident and got high and shit with him. He already talked to Dal a little about it and Dal gave him hell.” Gerard explained. I nodded, trying to not think too much about everything.

“Can I just lay my head down for a little while, I’ll eat later, my head just hurts a little.” I asked.

“Of course. When they get back, we’ll go eat with Dal and let you rest.” He said with a small smile. A little while later they came back, and Gerard led them to the other room. Now that it was quiet, I laid my head down next to his hand, laying my hand over his before letting my eyes drift closed. I stirred a little as felt movement under my hand, before discarding it as my imagination.

“Fuck, I must have died to wake up next to such an angel.” Frank said, his voice rough from lack of use, making me snap my eyes open to look up at him.

“Frank?” I asked, sitting up and taking the sunglasses off.

“Damn, you’re gorgeous; that body, those eyes.” Frank said, taking a second to look me over. “What do I have to get your name?”

“It’s Ashton.” I said, confused now.

“Well Ashton, how about a number now?” Frank asked, confusing me more.

“What are you talking about Frank? You have my number.” I said, my voice cracking slightly.

“Shit, are we together? I don’t know how I could have forgotten such a gorgeous creature.” He asked. I was starting to tear up as I grabbed the remote and clicked the nurse call button multiple times before I felt him lay his hand over mine. “Shh, it’s okay. I’m so sorry, don’t cry.” Two nurses came running in a minute later.

“What’s wrong?” Alecia asked before noticing Frank was awake. “When did he wake up?”

“Just a few minutes ago. He not, why can’t he remember things?” I asked, tears running down my cheeks now.

“Shit.” She said before going out and yelling for a doctor to come to the room. Frank leaned forward, wiping the tears from my face and making me look at him.

“Please, you’re too beautiful to cry.” Frank said. I heard Alecia talking to someone and apologizing, so I could only assume she was telling the others they couldn’t come in until the doctor left. I couldn’t focus on anything he was saying or doing as he did his examination of Frank, only snapping back as Frank turned and spoke to me. “See, even the doctor says that my memory should come back. Come on, lay with me.” He said, inching over and patting the bed. He waited until I climbed up and he put his arm around me before turning back to finish listening to the doctor.

“Frank.” I started as the doctor left, getting cut off by Frank.

“Shh, don’t talk.” He said pulling me closer and kissing me, making me freeze. I heard a laugh before a whispered “Frank?” from Gerard. I pulled away, looking towards the door, Frank following my gaze. After a second of looking at them, he spoke. “Shit, you guys look different. Why are you here?”

“What do you mean why are we here? Why wouldn’t we be?” Gerard asked, walking over the bed. Frank stayed silent, looking at Gerard.

“He uh, he can’t remember things. He doesn’t remember me at all.” I said, my voice cracking.

“Sure seemed like he remembered you.” Ronnie said, amused.

“Congratulations.” Frank said out of nowhere.

“What?” Gerard asked, confused.

“Well you guys look happier than last time I remember seeing you, and I mean you must be if you got engaged to him.” Frank said, confusing us all.

“What?” Gerard asked again, his voice wavering. “No Frank, I.” He started before Ronnie cut him off by putting his arm over his shoulder.

“Now babe, I think that’s enough surprises for today, don’t you? We’d hate to overwhelm him when he just woke up.” Ronnie said, amusement shining in his eyes.

“Ronnie.” Ryan started.

“Now, now, Ryan. I think we all know it’s for the best if we just go back to your boyfriend’s room now, don’t you? We checked on Frankie boy, saw he’s doing better. Now we should go back.” Ronnie said, glancing back to Ryan as he spoke before turning back to us. “You two have fun.” He added with a wink.


	32. Little Talks

**Gerard’s POV**

Dallon could tell as soon as we walked back in the room that something was wrong; I knew I looked like a wreck and Ryan sent Ronnie away. I tried not to get upset as Ryan explained what had happened to Dallon. The harder I tried to not let it bother me, the more numb I felt. I finally came a decision after thinking over everything; it was the only one that I could deal with, the only one that would help them both the way they both needed. _Frank had helped pull me through the toughest part of my life, he could help Ashton too. Until he started getting his memories back, it wasn’t worth it to try to overload Frank with too much information._ “I’ll be right back, I’m gonna go check on Frank and Ash.” I said, gently squeezing Ryan’s shoulder on my way through. I stood in the doorway for a moment just watching them, Ashton had fallen back asleep and Frank was watching him with his uninjured arm wrapped around him.

“You can come in if you want.” Frank said, startling me a little. I walked over, still not taking my eyes off them. “He cried himself to sleep a little while ago.”

“He’s been through a lot lately.” I said.

“I feel so bad that I can’t remember him. He keeps saying it’s okay, but like, how do you forget the person you’re dating?” Frank asked. I nodded, trying to keep the pain from my eyes.

“You were in a pretty bad accident, it’s understandable.” I said. I reached to run my fingers through his hair before I realized what I was doing and moved at the last second to move a piece of hair from Ash’s face.

“You care about him too, don’t you?” Frank asked, finally looking at me.

“Yeah, he’s my brother’s best friend.” I said, not wanting to go into too much detail.

“How did I meet him?” Frank asked, making me thing back to the first time we had met Ashton as I smiled in fondness.

“There was a party a friend of ours was having. One of our friends are always throwing one, but this one was the first of the new school year. Ashton had apparently changed how he looked over the summer and caught the eye of our friend. Jon was so surprised that Ashton had even talked to him, let alone actually showed up to the party. You walked in and demanded all the attention in the room in that way you do, just by being you. He said something that you teased him about and blushed. You could barely keep your eyes off him as he seemed to get along with all our friends, you told me after that party that you wanted him.” I said, remembering the night so clearly. _We had both agreed that we would love to have him join us, at least once._

“Was our friend upset that Ashton had eyes for someone else?” He asked.

“Not at all, like I said, Jon didn’t think he had a chance. He was just happy to be friends with him. He actually pushed Ash to pursue what he wanted; he was innocent and kind of naive when he met us. He didn’t realize he was being hit on, he noticed some of the more obvious flirting, but he thought some people were just being nice.” I said, unable to keep the smile from my face when it caused him to laugh.

“There was also the time that you realized you knew his cousin. My brother and I had gotten Ashton high and he you came to the school to give him a ride home. Well you and his cousin recognized each other, and when Ashton asked how, you told him that you sold him weed. His cousin freaked out since he thought that Ashton would tell their parents after that, but we made sure he knew that he wouldn’t. After his cousin left, you talked to Ashton about it and told him you wouldn’t tell his cousin about any of the stuff he does.” I said, smiling as he laughed again.

“Doesn’t sound like it’s very boring around him.” Frank mused.

“Not usually.” I said fondly.

“So uh, when did you and Ronnie, you know, get serious?” He asked, changing topics.

“Oh no, no it’s not, we’re not.” I started, taking a deep breath to calm my thoughts. “Ronnie and I broke up forever ago.”

“Oh, I just thought. Sorry, then who?” He asked.

“Oh uh, Ryan.” I said, caught off guard and not knowing what else to say. _I didn’t think this through._

“I though Ronnie said he was dating someone else here?” Frank asked, confused.

“Oh, he is, it’s complicated.” I said and he nodded. “Could I steal Ashton for a second? I kind of have to talk to him, it’s important.” He nodded and gently woke him up, the same way he had woken me up countless times. “Hey Ash, can we talk in the hall for a second?” I asked when he woke up. He nodded and followed me out to where I knew we couldn’t be overheard.

“I’m so sorry Gee, I don’t know what’s wrong? I tried telling him we weren’t together, but he wouldn’t even let me get the words out.” Ashton said.

“It’s fine Ash, actually I don’t want you to tell him that.” I said.

“What do you mean?” He asked confused.

“We talked, he thinks I’m with Ryan right now.” I said.

“But why?” He asked.

“It’ll be easier while he’s healing. I’ll explain to everyone else and worry about getting Frank’s things moved to your house for now. I need you to keep an eye on him, help him heal until he starts remembering things.” I said.

“But.” He started before I cut him off.

“I’ll be fine. This is what’s best for Frank, and for you.” I said, moving a piece of hair from his eyes. _I wonder made him decide to dye his hair this color._

“What do you mean, best for me? I don’t.” He started before I cut him off again.

“Ash, sometimes you need him in a way that’s pretty unique to the two of you. What if you need that while he’s healing? How would we be able to explain everything, as well as get him used to it?” I asked, seeing the hesitation in his eyes as he nodded. “Don’t worry, everything will work out.” I said, leading him back to Frank’s room. When I went back to Dallon’s room they both looked at me.

“How’d it go?” Ryan asked.

“Good, I told him I wasn’t engaged to Ronnie.” I started, unsure how to explain.

“That’s great, so he knows you guys are together?” Dallon asked.

“Not exactly, I kind of told him we were in a polygamous relationship.” I said.

“So, he thinks he’s engaged to you and you’re both dating Ash?” Dallon asked. At my silence Ryan seemed to put the pieces together.

“You didn’t.” Ryan said.

“I had to Ry, you didn’t see what I did when I went in there. Ash needs help right now; the kind of help Frank was able to give me. And Frank, Frank needs to heal; he was so happy, I couldn’t be the one to take that away.” I explained.

“So, you’re making yourself unhappy instead?” Ryan asked, wrapping his arms around me.

“I’m not truly unhappy when I have you.” I said.

“Okay, can someone please explain what’s going on? Because I’m lost, and I’m pretty sure whatever I missed is important.” Dallon said.

“He’s letting Frank think that he really is dating Ashton, and basically told him that Gee is dating us.” Ryan explained.

“Shit.” Was all Dallon could say in response.

“Yeah, so, I have a lot to do to make that seem true when he is released from the hospital. And now that you’re getting released, I know I can count on both of you to help me through it.” I said, looking over Ryan’s shoulder to Dallon.


	33. End Up Here

**Ashton’s POV**

When Gerard brought me home, the first thing I did was go through and lock all of the doors and windows, before settling in for a fitful night of sleep. When I woke up, I put on a pot of coffee, did a line, and started organizing the house. There was a knock on the door a little while later, I figured it was Gerard, but was surprised to be engulfed in a hug as soon as I opened the door. “God, I was so worried about you. Where have you been?” Michael asked.

“I was just staying at a friend’s house, out of town.” I said, thankful that he couldn’t see my face to see any trace of a lie.

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Michael asked as he finally pulled back.

“I don’t know, I’m sorry.” I said, locking the door again before leading him into the house as I continued my organizing.

“Gerard called me last night. He said I should wait until this morning to come over since you were so tired yesterday.” He explained and I nodded. “He also explained what happened with Frank. Does he really think you guys are dating?”

“Yeah, he woke up not able to remember things and for some reason he thought we were together. Gee seems to think that it’s best to let him think that until he starts getting some of his memories back.” I said.

“So, what does that mean? Like, are you going to be over there more now? And what about your actual boyfriend?” Michael asked.

“Actually, Gee is bringing some of Frank’s stuff here; he’ll be staying here, and we’ll probably just go over there to visit or something, I’m not really sure yet. As for Ryan, I’m not really sure, Gerard said he would take care of explaining everything to everyone.” I said, feeling guilty over the fact that I hadn’t thought to ask more questions or think this through.

“I talked to Luke and Cal, I didn’t really tell them much. I told them that Frank woke up and can’t remember some things, and I told them you were back but that you wanted things to stay calm. They made me promise to tell them more when I told them that I would know more today.” He said. _It made sense why he was the only one here now._

“I appreciate it Mikey, I don’t think I could deal with that right now. I’m hoping to know more later today too.” I said before a knock at the door interrupted our conversation. This time I knew it was Gerard and smiled as I opened the door, before getting a little confused to see Ryan S. and Dallon with him.

“Hello boys.” Gerard said with a smile. “Perfect timing with you being here and all Michael, could you help Ryan bring the things in from the truck? And Ash, why don’t you let Dallon know where you want everything? Then he can supervise those two while we talk.”

“Okay, come on Dal.” I said, leading him to the guestroom next to mine. “I can worry about making sure everything is actually organized later, it’ll give me something else to focus on while I’m home, but for now everything can go in here.” I said before going back and joining Gee on the couch. When the guys came back in, I got Michael’s attention. “He’s in the guest room that Luke used to crash in when he would stay over.”

“So, I wanted to go over some things before Frank is able to come home.” Gerard said. “Like talk about what we’re both comfortable with, as well as what Frank may expect from a relationship.” I listened as he spoke, and when the guys were done, we went to the hospital.

I had a lot to think about and almost missed when the doctor told us that as long as he continued doing well, Frank could come home the next day. My mind raced all day as I tried to come to terms with the fact that he would actually be leaving and staying at my house. When I returned home, I busied myself with making sure that everything was perfect and was how I wanted it, falling asleep before I could finish. The next morning, I jumped awake to the sound of the doorbell ringing. I checked my phone to realize it had died and stopped in my room to plug it in before answering the door, seeing it was Gerard.

“Hey Gee.” I said with a small yawn. “How’d you sleep?”

“Better than I have in a while actually, knowing he’s getting out of the hospital today. You look like you could use some more sleep though.” He said, a little worried.

“Yeah, I was up pretty late organizing. I still have more to do though.” I said.

“Well, why don’t I help you finish up, then we can head to the hospital.” He said with a smile as he headed to my room, only to frown when he realized it looked the same.

“His stuff is in the next room.” I said.

“That’s not gonna work, he’s not going to believe you two live together but stay in different rooms.” He said as he walked to the correct room. He finished putting things away, moving things around, before going to the closet and taking out some of the clothes. “We’ll keep some of each of your guys’ things in each room, it’ll be more believable.” He added as he took the clothes back to my room and laid them on the bed. I went through my closet quickly, choosing some things and taking them out, before hanging up Frank’s things. “Perfect.” He said once we were done, placing a quick kiss to my cheek.

My leg was shaking as we drove, I hadn’t even realized until Gee reached over to place his hand on it. “Sorry.” I whispered.

“Don’t be, I’m nervous too, but we’ve talked about this. You guys can come over, and we’ll be over all the time. We’ll make this work.” He said, leaning over to place another kiss to my cheek before getting out. When we walked in, we immediately saw Alecia and Gerard got her attention.

“Oh great.” She started with a smile. “You guys are here, I just need you to fill out some paperwork and he’ll be ready to go. He’s pretty excited to get out of here.” She added as she slid a clipboard and pen to Gerard.

“I think that’s everything.” He said a few minutes later, flipping through to double check before handing it back to her.

“Thank you. It was so nice to meet you, I just wish it was under better circumstances. I’ll get all this entered in the computer and let you know when he’s set. Why don’t you guys go to his room and help get him ready to leave?” She said.

As we walked to Frank’s room, I noticed Gee fiddling with his shirt near the collar. “Gee?” I asked.

“Hm, yeah?” He asked.

“Are you okay? You’re playing with shirt.” I said.

“I got his ring back from Alecia yesterday.” He explained, pulling it out from under his shirt where it hung around his neck to show me before hiding it again. “I didn’t want it to be with the rest of his stuff when he got it back.”

About an hour later, we were given Frank’s belongings and told we could leave. Frank seemed happy until we got in the car, he wouldn’t say anything until Gerard dropped us off with the promise to see us later this afternoon.


	34. Happier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, is anyone else absolutely in love with Frank's new song "Young and Doomed"? And when he references My Chemical Romance, I literally died.

**Ashton’s POV**

“So, we live here?” Frank asked, looking around once we were in the house.

“Yeah, the bedrooms are upstairs, follow me.” I said, leading the way. “This one is yours, mine is next door.” I said once we had reached the guest room, his room now. “Usually we just share though, we both have things in both rooms.” I added, remembering Gee’s words from this morning. I watched as he slowly looked around the room, taking in everything before I heard my phone ring from the other room. “I’ll be right back.” I said, getting to my phone and answering it just in time. “Hey Gee.”

“Hey Ash, how are things?” He asked, though I knew he had something else on his mind.

“Good, I think. He’s in the other room, taking in everything. What about you? Are you okay?” I said.

“Yeah, I was just thinking, you know how we were planning on coming back over a little later?” He asked, sounding slightly hesitant.

“Yeah?” I asked, unsure where he was going with this. I startled a little when I felt fingers trailing along my hips and lips at my neck.

“Well, I was just thinking, if you didn’t mind of course. We could make it like a welcome home party for Frank. We can bring whatever is needed over of course.” He said. I was finding it hard to concentrate on his words because of Frank’s actions.

“Um, yeah, yeah that sounds good. I’ll let him know. When were you thinking?” I said, biting my lip to try to control myself.

“Well it’s already two, so I was thinking maybe around four?” He suggested.

“Sounds perfect, I’ll text the groupchat to let everyone know.” I said.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it covered. You just make sure things are ready for company there.” He said, sounding relieved. “We’ll see you soon.”

“See you soon.” I said, hanging up only to get turned around and kissed. I dropped my phone back on the nightstand, ignoring the incoming texts that I knew were from the groupchat, in favor of wrapping my arms around his shoulders. I let myself get lost in the feeling for a moment before I pulled away, biting my lip. “Come on, we gotta go start setting up. Everyone is coming over soon to see you.” I said, leading him downstairs.

He kept trying to distract me as I was setting up, causing me to laugh at some of his antics. “Will you stop?” I asked with a laugh as I handed him my phone with a number already dialed. “Just call and order like eight pizzas.”

“Eight? What are you trying to feed an army or something?” He asked confused.

“There’s a lot of people.” I answered with a laugh. “You’ll meet them all again soon. Now come on, call while I finish up.” There was a knock on the door, and I gave him a pointed look as I went to answer it. As I opened the door, I finally heard him on the phone.

“Ash.” Zack started as he hugged me. “God, I didn’t know if I should believe him or not. I’m so happy to see you.” He looked over my shoulder and saw Frank before lowering his voice so only I would hear it. “So, that other thing is true too?” I nodded. “Weird.”

It didn’t take long for everyone else to show up, usually with some kind of alcohol. Once everyone was comfortable, we started with introductions, Frank sometimes showing recognition of a name he had heard one of us mention. “So, do we still do what we used to do at parties?” Frank asked Ryan and Gerard, who nodded. “Awesome, I’ll get it out.” He added, going over to the safe and punching in a code twice, getting annoyed when it wouldn’t work. “Did I change the combination?” Mikey and I looked at each other, not sure what to do until Gerard got up and went over to him. With one hand on his back, Gee leaned over him and pressed in the correct combination. Frank looked at him for a second before pulling away and turning back to the safe, getting everything out. Gerard looked hurt for a second, before masking his emotions and joining us again.

“It’s our anniversary, zero-four-one-zero.” Gerard said, low enough that only Mikey and I could hear. Frank was done a few minutes later and came back over sitting next to me as he started prepping everything. Even though he tried not to show it, I could tell that Gerard was hurt when Frank decided to avoid him for the rest of the night.

“What was that about?” I asked later that night, after everyone had left.

“What was what about?” Frank asked.

“Why were you ignoring Gee all night? You guys used to be really close before your accident, and I could tell that it upset him.” I explained.

“I wasn’t ignoring him.” He said, not meeting my gaze.

“Yes, you were, come on look at me.” I said, placing my hand on his cheek and guiding his face so he would look at me. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“No, I can’t. You’ll hate me, I’m a shitty person.” He said, trying to look away again.

“What are you talking about? You are one of the least shitty people I know. Please, whatever is bothering you, just tell me.” I said, moving so he had no other choice but to look at me.

“I remembered something, on the way home from the hospital.” He explained.

“Well, that’s great. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I asked.

“Because I couldn’t, you’d hate me. I, fuck Ashton, I cheated on you. I don’t know how many times, or for how long. All I know is when I got into Gerard’s car, I got a flashback of hooking up with him in it.” He said looking torn. “And tonight, the way he was touching me. Fuck, I’m so sorry, that’s why I started avoiding him.” I started giggling, trying to control myself when I realized how upset he looked.

“Is that all?” I asked. “Frank, it’s okay, I know all about that.” I said, still giggling a little bit.

“You what?” He asked confused.

“It’s okay, you weren’t cheating. I knew about your thing with Gee the whole time. We had an agreement, it’s completely fine.” I said, placing a soft kiss to his lips. He deepened the kiss, occasionally biting on my lip, before pulling away just far enough to speak.

“We should probably take this upstairs.” He said before connecting our lips again.


	35. There's Your Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay, I was very sick last week and very disoriented because of it.

**Ashton’s POV**

I woke up with a small stretch and looked up to see Frank was still asleep. With a small smile, I slowly slid out of bed and went into my room where I had left my phone to charge. After checking to make sure it was fully charged, I unplugged it and called Mikey. “Hey Angel, is everything okay?” He asked when he answered, sounding a little worried.

“Hey Mikey. Yeah, everything’s good, better than good actually.” I said, a small smile on my face as I made my way downstairs to make coffee.

“That sounds promising.” He said, hinting at me to continue.

“Yeah.” I started, glancing up the stairs to make sure Frank was still sleeping before I sat on the couch and continued. “I called him out on ignoring Gee after everyone left.”

“What? Why did you do that?” Mikey asked, his tone anxious.

“Because I could see how much it was bothering Gee. Anyway, he told me why he was.” I said, bouncing on the balls of my feet a little.

“This outa be good.” Mikey said, slightly defensive.

“It is actually, he told me he was cheating on me.” I started.

“That’s crazy, how could he cheat on you if you guys aren’t even really together?” He asked, seemingly not having caught on to the bigger meaning.

“Mikey, he thinks he is. And he thought he was cheating on me before the accident, because he remembered hooking up with Gee in his car.” I explained.

“Oh my god, he remembered something?” He asked excited before his tone changed. “Wait ew, I ride in that car.” I started giggling at his reaction.

“I just think it’s really sweet that the first thing he remembered, out of anything, was Gee.” I said, the smile not leaving my face.

“So, what did you tell him when he told you.” He asked.

“Well, I told him the only thing I could think of. That it wasn’t cheating, I knew about it and it was okay.” I said before realizing I had another call and looking to see who it was. “Hey Mikey, I have to go, I have another call. I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Okay Ash, I’ll talk to you later. I’m happy about the breakthrough.” He said before hanging up.

“Me too. Later.” I said before switching calls. “Hi.” I said quietly.

“How’s my favorite little slut this morning?” Ronnie asked sounding amused.

“I just woke up a little while ago.” I said, biting my lip as I could feel my mind start slipping.

“Well, why don’t you get your ass ready and I’ll come over?” He asked.

“I, I mean you can’t. Um, Frank’s here right now.” I said, anxious.

“You are a little whore, aren’t you? Did you fuck him last night?” He asked, when I stayed silent, he continued. “You did, didn’t you? Fucking whore. Then get ready and I’ll pick you up.”

“I can’t, what if he wakes up? I need to be here.” I tried.

“Why? So you can fuck him again? I said get your ass ready.” He ordered.

“I, I can’t. I’m sorry.” I said, my hands starting to shake.

“You’re pissing me off. I fucking told you to do what I said, when I said, didn’t I? Then why aren’t you?” He asked, I stayed silent, knowing that anything I could say would only make this worse. “You’re going to regret this, just wait until I see you again.”

“Please, I’m sorry.” I tried.

“Shut it you fat, worthless whore.” He snapped before hanging up. I started shaking as his words set in, pulling my knees to my chest as I got lost in my head. I couldn’t focus on anything other than the words racing through my mind until I felt an arm on my back, causing me to flinch away violently and sink further into my mind.

 

**Gerard’s POV**

Mikey had just finished explaining to me about the phone call he had had with Ashton and I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. I couldn’t believe that of all the things he could have remembered, he remembered that. It had happened the day we got the car, we were both so happy to actually be moving on with our lives. My heart began racing as my phone started ringing and I noticed it was Frank. I decided to play it cool and took a deep breath as I answered the phone. “Hey Frank, feeling any better?”

“I need you to come over.” Frank said, his voice full of anxiety.

“Wait, why? What’s wrong?” I asked, already rushing to the hall to put on my coat and shoes, Mikey doing the same.

“I, I don’t know. I woke up and he was just sitting there, staring at the wall. He acted like I wasn’t I even here, like he couldn’t even hear me. Then I touched him, and he flinched away from me.” He said. I couldn’t remember the last time I had heard him sound so worried.

“Shit, we’ll be right there. Don’t worry, it’ll be okay.” I said, hanging up before explaining to Mikey as I started the car. “Ashton’s not in a good place, we need to get there as soon as possible.”

“What do you mean? We just talked a little while ago and he sounded great.” Mikey said, sounding worried and confused.

“Well from how Frank explained it, something happened between when you talked to him and when he woke up, because he’s freaking out.” I said, trying to figure out what I was missing.

“He said he had to hang up because he had another call, but he didn’t sound that upset about it. Do you think it could have something to do with that?” He asked.

“Maybe, let’s just hope that whatever it was, it wasn’t anything that we can’t fix.” I said, parking the car and getting out. “Ready?” I asked, knowing neither of us really were. Mikey nodded and we made our way up to knock on the door, quickly being let in by Frank who pointed over to the couch. We walked over to see him clutching his knees to his chest and shaking. He stared straight ahead but didn’t seem to be seeing anything. “How long has he been like this?” I asked.

“I don’t know, I called you like five minutes after I found him. When I got up, I came downstairs and got a coffee, then tried to talk to him. When I noticed he was out of it, I tried wrapping my arm around him, that’s when he flinched away. I tried talking to him, but when I realized he wasn’t listening, I called you.” Frank explained. I watched as Mikey tried to get him to come out of his head without much luck.

“Please angel, please look at me. Whatever’s going on in that mind of yours, let me help you, please.” Mikey was pleading now. Suddenly I had a thought.

“Try kissing him.” I said to Frank.

“What?” They both asked.

“It helped once, it was a little bit of a different situation than this, but maybe it could help again.” I explained.

“Um, okay.” Frank said. Mikey moved out of his way and I could see hesitation in the way Frank was moving, he was afraid of Ashton flinching away again. The reaction was almost instantaneous; after only the briefest moment of Frank kissing him, Ashton had his hands fisted in Frank’s shirt and was kissing back.


	36. You Make Me Wanna

**Ashton’s POV**

We were all sitting on couch now, Dallon and Ryan had joined us before long. My mind was still racing, but I was at least able to realize what was going on around me. I wasn’t sure what was playing on the tv, but it seemed like no one was really paying attention to it anyway. Ryan was going between texting on his phone and talking to Dallon, Gerard was trying to get Frank to open up more, and Mikey was on his phone but also adding to Frank and Gerard’s conversation every so often. “I’ll be right back.” I said as my phone started ringing and I walked out to the kitchen to answer it.

“Don’t say a damn thing until I tell you to, got it slut?” Ronnie asked as soon as I answered. I stayed silent, knowing that’s what he wanted. “That’s what I thought. Now, I’ve had some time to cool off since our phone call earlier and I’ve decided I’ll let you start making it up to me. You have two choices, neither of which you’ll particularly like. The first choice is you can say goodbye to your friends and walk out that door, I’ll come pick you up and you’ll do as I say. The second choice is you blow Ryan, which shouldn’t be too hard for you since you’ve already let him fuck you at least twice. Now, what’ll it be?”

“I, um, can I ask what the first one would entail?” I asked nervously.

“Whatever, and whoever the fuck I say, no questions asked.” He said.

“The second one.” I said softly. “Just um, why him?”

“I figured you’d pick that one, and because you still have to make it up to him for being so rude to him at the hospital. You have one hour, otherwise the choice is out of your hands.” He said before hanging up. I grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and walked back out to join everyone back on the couch. I drank some of it as I decided how to do this, both times it had happened Ryan had been high. I decided to start with the obvious choice and leaned over to whisper in Ryan’s ear.

“Do you wanna do a line? I’ve got some upstairs.” I whispered.

“I’m good.” He said quietly to me. “If you want to go up though, I’ll cover for you.” I looked over to see Frank deep in conversation with Gerard and Mikey and decided to get bolder.

“But I don’t want to go alone.” I said, sliding my hand across his thigh until he grabbed my wrist. He finished what he was doing on his phone before turning his gaze to me.

“Don’t test me.” He said, pushing my hand away.

“What if I like testing you?” I asked, placing my hand on his leg again and causing him to glare at me. “Fine.” I said, biting my lip as I pulled away. “Dal?” I waited until he looked at me, which wasn’t long considering he had been focused on what I had been doing with Ryan. “Can you come here for a sec? I need to show you something.” I didn’t wait for a response as I started heading upstairs, knowing he was right behind me. When we got up to my room, I shut the door behind us and sat him on the bed before grabbing my bag from the closet. I cut out two lines, doing one before setting the other one on the desk.

“Ash, if you just brought me up here to.” I cut him off with a finger to his lips.

“You wouldn’t like it anyway.” I said before kneeling in his lap.

“What are we doing?” He asked. Instead of answering him, I leaned in and kissed him. I moved to kissing his jaw as I heard a throat clear behind me. “Fuck, Ashton stop.”

“Dallon told you to stop, so stop.” Ryan ordered. “Dallon, I’ll deal with him and be back down shortly.” I climbed off Dallon’s lap and he went back downstairs, leaving Ryan and I in the room alone. “You wanted my attention, now you’ve got it.” After noticing the glass I had left on the desk, he looked at me again. “You were expecting me to come up here weren’t you?” I nodded and he shook his head before going over and doing the line. “You’re unbelievable. What? You just needed someone to control you for a little while?”

“Something like that.” I said, sitting him on the bed and kneeling in front of him as I started opening his pants. I bit my lip as I shifted his pants out of the way before leaning down and taking him in my mouth.

“Fuck, just like that.” He said. I moaned as I felt a hand grab my hair before it was yanked back suddenly, and I was left staring up at Frank who looked pissed.

“Frank, calm down, it’s.” Gerard started before Frank cut him off.

“You fucking knew this was happening, that’s why you were trying to distract me, isn’t it? Get the fuck out, all of you.” Frank said. Ryan went to stand up but got pushed back down. “Not you.” When he was sure Gerard wasn’t there anymore, he looked back down at me. “Hands behind your back, now.” As I did, I heard the sound of him undoing his belt and pulling it off. I wasn’t sure what he was doing until I felt him wrap the belt around my wrists and tighten it. “When I come back, it better be to both of you in the same position you’re in now.” Frank said before walking out of the room, returning a moment later and leaning down so our faces were only a few inches apart when he leaned my head back. “You should have told me that you wanted him, we could have worked something out. Now though, you went behind my back and you’ve pissed me off, and I’m sure you know how well that’s going to go for you.” He tied a blindfold over my eyes and kissed me before pushing my head back forward. “Get back to sucking, and you better be doing a good job.”

“Fuck. Oh fuck.” Ryan said, tangling his hand in my hair and I heard him take in a shuddered breath. I let Frank position me the way he wanted, not expecting the first slap that landed against my ass, causing me to moan.

“Knew you’d like this, gonna make you moan like a whore.” Frank said landing another slap.

“Was that okay?” Frank asked as he sat on the edge of the bed. He had just come back in after sending everyone else home.

“Mhm.” I said, already starting to doze off.

“Come on baby boy, you know I need vocal confirmation.” He said, shifting so I could feel his breath across my neck.

“It was good, I liked it.” I said sleepily. He pressed a kiss to my shoulder as he laid behind me, one of his arms wrapped over me.


	37. It's Over When It's Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay. I was so busy yesterday that by the time I had a chance to sit down and make sure everything was ready to post, I just passed out. I hope you enjoy it.

**Ryan Seaman’s POV**

_I felt bad lying to Gerard to leave the house, but I couldn’t tell him the truth until I knew what exactly was going on._ I pulled into Ronnie’s driveway and turned off the car, staring up at the door for a moment before I moved. _He wouldn’t do something like this, right? My mind is just playing tricks on me._ I shook my head to clear my thoughts before getting out of the car and knocking on the door. “Hey.” He said with a smile once he opened the door, stepping out of the way to allow me in.

“Hey.” I started as I walked in, leaning against the back of the couch.

“So, what did you wanna talk about?” He asked, grabbing a couple beers and handing me one.

“I wanna meet that guy of yours, what was his name again?” I asked, hoping he would give me some answers.

“I never mentioned his name. It’s not important anyway, it’s not really working out.” He said, taking a drink from his bottle.

“I still want to meet him, at least get a good look at him. I just don’t feel right, knowing that I’ve fucked him without even seeing his face.” I tried.

“I don’t think that’s such a great idea, we’ve been fighting a lot and I’ve hardly even seen him myself.” He said, shaking his head as he took another drink.

“God damn it Ronnie, I said I want to meet the fucking guy, set it up already.” I said, my aggravation getting to me.

“And I said no, get that through your head.” He said, getting annoyed himself.

“Is it no because it’s not a real relationship and you’re forcing him into shit?” I asked.

“What are you insinuating?” He asked, stepping closer.

“Was it Ashton? It seems real convenient that you had your supposed boyfriend here while Ashton was missing, and it’s ending now that he’s back. And Ashton came back looking a lot like your new boyfriend, same hair color and everything.” I said, in his face now.

“That’s really circumstantial Ry, I think you’re being paranoid.” He said with a sigh.

“I’d be worried of the same thing, except something happened yesterday that reminded me more of what happened that night. That, and the way he’s been acting since he’s been back. He gets really quiet whenever you’re around, and he keeps taking phone calls in the other room.” I said, pausing for a second before continuing. “It’s pretty close to not only what happened after you beat the shit out of him, but how Gerard used to act sometimes.”

“You would know all about how Gerard used to act wouldn’t you?” He sneered.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I asked.

“It means that I know about that whore fucking you behind my back when we were dating.” He said, catching me off guard. _How did he know about that?_

“Don’t call him a whore.” I threatened.

“He is a whore, a filthy whore that would fuck anything with a dick. He spreads his legs with just the slightest compliment.” I couldn’t listen to him say another word as I pulled my hand back and punched him in the face. He started laughing before wiping some blood from his lip. “The only person who spread their legs faster was Ashton. All I had to do was call him a whore and get him high and he was ready.” I punched him again before speaking.

“If I found out that it was Ashton, or you do anything else to either of them, I’ll fucking kill you. I’m done with your shit.” I said, slamming the door as I walked out. I was seething as I drove, I glanced at my hands at a red light only to see them so tense around the wheel that they were white. Before the light turned green, I made a decision and changed my route, pulling into the familiar driveway in no time. I didn’t have to wait long for the door to open. “Hey Jaime, is Tony around?”

“Yeah, he’s in the living room, you good?” Jaime asked, sensing that something was off.

“Not really, I need a little something to help take the edge off.” I explained.

“Perfect timing, he just re-upped.” He said. We walked into the living room to see Tony with some blonde girl sucking his dick. “Hey Tony, Ryan’s here.”

“Sup Ryan.” He said, glancing at me before turning to the girl. “Great job, but let’s get back to this in a few.” He said, fixing his pants up when she pulled away. She gave a quick wave to Jaime before heading into Tony’s room. “You look like shit. Sit, tell me what’s up.” He said, starting to cut out a few lines.

“A lot of shit is going on right now that’s really stressing me out.” I started, sniffing up the line when he handed it to me. “For starters, my boyfriend was in a car accident not too long ago.”

“Shit, he okay?” He asked.

“Yeah, he’s doing alright. He knows Gerard, you remember him, right?” I asked.

“Ronnie’s ex? The hot one?” He asked after a moment of thinking.

“Yeah.” I started.

“Shit, he had a great mouth.” He said before I had a chance to say anything else. “God, I remember this one time.” I cut him off before he could continue.

“Well anyway, my boyfriend is friends with Gerard and his fiancé. His fiancé was in the car too.” I explained.

“Shit, that’s gotta be rough.” He said.

“Yeah, it’s messed up. Well, after that I started talking to Ronnie again. I just came from his house, we got in a fight and it’s stressing me out. You know how he is; you can’t get a straight answer from him even with a gun to his head.” I said, still feeling stressed.

“Yeah, but he’s usually got your back when you need it. It’s good to hear you guys are talking again, he was a wreck when you left. He started lashing out a lot more without you to even him out. I’m not saying that whatever you guys were fighting about wasn’t justified, just saying that maybe you should hear him out. Maybe it’s not how it seems, don’t let one argument ruin this friendship again.” He said, making me feel bad as I thought of what I must have put him through.

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” I said, my mind had probably just playing tricks on me. “Anyway, could I get a g?”

“No problem.” He said, measuring out a bag and handing it to me. “Just give me fifty, you got enough to worry about right now.”

“You sure?” I asked as I took out the money and handed it to him.

“Yeah, take the rest and take your boyfriend on a nice date or something. Speaking of which, I expect to meet him. He anything like any of your exes?” He asked.

“I’ll see what I can do about letting you meet him, but I don’t know that he’d be willing to do any of that.” I said, unsure of how Dallon would even react to Tony.

“Damn, what a shame. Oh well, just have to keep an eye out myself.” He said sounding disappointed.

“Yeah.” I said, a little distracted as I thought about some of the things he had done in the past.

“Shit, you know someone, don’t you?” He asked, reading me as easily as he always had and making me chuckle at his tone.

“I mean I might, but it’s kinda complicated with him right now. I’ll see what I can do about that, okay?” I said.

“Thanks, I look forward to it. Is he hot?” He asked.

“Uh, yeah, I mean he’s pretty good looking.” I said, rubbing the back of my neck.

“Damn, you’ve fucked him, haven’t you?” He asked.

“Once or twice.” I said, feeling a little embarrassed that he had figured it out.

“I definitely need to meet this guy then.” He said.


	38. Famous Last Words

**Ryan Seaman’s POV**

“Hey darling, can we talk?” I asked when I walked into Gerard's house.

“Of course Ry, what’s up?” He asked and I couldn’t help but glance at the others anxiously.

“I meant alone.” I said, though it sounded like a question.

“Oh, yeah, of course. Come on.” He said leading me to his room. We both sat on the bed and I thought about how I could word this. “Is everything alright?” He asked after I had been silent for a while.

“Yeah.” I said, thinking about what to say before I continued. “Uh, sorry to bring this up, but do you remember Jaime and Tony?” I saw a few emotions flash through his eyes before he spoke.

“Of course, how could I forget them? I might not know them as well as I did, but I still hear about them every so often. Our friend Vic and his brother Mike are pretty close with them. You went over there yesterday, didn’t you? That’s where you were when you wouldn’t tell me?” He said. Although he phrased it as a question, it was more of a statement.

“Yeah, I went there. We chatted for a while, got high. That’s why I was gone so long. Tony wants to meet Dal, I told him I’d talk to him about it.” I said, dragging out the details so I had longer to work out what I would say.

“Does he know that Dallon isn’t into that?” He asked.

“Yeah, I told him that Dal wasn’t like that.” I said, he immediately could tell I was holding something back.

“But?” He asked.

“He knows me almost as well as Ronnie used to. As we got talking, he was telling me that he was looking for someone, and kind of got it out of me that I might know someone. I told him it was really complicated right now, but you know how he is.” I said, drumming my fingers in an effort to relax my brain.

“Meaning Ash, right?” He asked, though he already knew the answer. When I nodded he continued. “He’s not a bad guy, one of the nicer ones that Ronnie hung out with actually. He wasn’t ever mean and never hurt me or anything, he was just kind of demanding and a bit crude.”

“And could make you feel uncomfortable.” I added.

“That’s because I wasn’t really into some of that stuff. Ash might be, but you’re right it is kind of complicated with him. Since he and Ryan broke up, he seems to be a bit more scattered. Plus, whatever else has been going through his mind since he got back.” I stayed silent as he spoke, not wanting to mention my thoughts in case they were wrong. “Plus, things seemed a little off between Frank and him yesterday.”

“What do you mean? They seemed fine the other day.” I said, confused.

“Yeah, but we hung out yesterday while you were gone, and it seemed a little strained. Not immediately, but I know Frank, something’s up that they didn’t want to tell anyone. They’re supposed to be coming over in a little while, so I’m sure you’ll see for yourself.” He said.

“I hope it’s nothing too serious.” I said, causing him to nod in agreement. “So anyway, what do you think I should do?”

“About Tony?” He asked and I nodded. “I’m not sure, maybe try inviting him over to hang out as a group. That way it’ll be less pressure for anything to happen, and you can also introduce him to Dallon without there being much of a chance for Dallon to feel uncomfortable.”

“Thanks darling, I don’t know what I’d do without you.” I said, leaning in to give him a quick kiss.

 

**Ashton’s POV**

We sat outside the familiar house for a few minutes in silence before either of us could force ourselves to say anything. “We need to act normal; Gee was giving us weird looks yesterday.” I said quietly.

“What are you talking about? We’re fine.” He said, not looking at me.

“That’s bullshit and we both know it, if we were then we’d already be inside.” I said, shaking my head.

“Something just doesn’t feel right, this doesn’t feel right, nothing feels right.” He said causing me to feel guilty. “Don’t get me wrong, the sex is great and everything, it just feels like we don’t really click.”

“Of course.” I said, feeling my anger spiking. I slammed the door as I got out and made my way up to the door, plastering a fake smile on my face as I knocked. Mikey was the one to open the door and immediately pulled me in for a hug. “Is Zack here?” I whispered.

“No, but I’m sure he’d come over if you asked. Pete, Patrick, Dallon, Ryan, and Gerard are the only ones here right now.” He said. I nodded and followed him in, taking the empty spot beside Pete and laying my head on his shoulder. He paused in his conversation with Patrick for a moment to wrap his arm around me, making me feel a little better. I closed my eyes as I felt his thumb rub gentle circles against my arm, not even opening them when I heard a door. The words kept rushing through my head, no matter how much I tried to push them away. The words were deafening, I didn’t even realize anyone was talking until I felt Pete tap on my arm and I opened my eyes to see everyone staring at me.

“What?” I asked, not meaning for it to come out as rudely as it did.

“I asked what’s going on between you two.” Gerard started. “And don’t you dare tell me nothing, this is worse than it was yesterday. You two are sitting across the room from each other, and you’ve been zoning out for a good five minutes.”

“I’m fine.” I said simply. Gerard glanced at Ryan quickly before speaking.

“Obviously you’re not, come on, talk to us.” Gerard started before turning to Frank. “Frank?”

“I don’t know what’s going on.” Frank said, causing me to let out a humorless laugh.

“Bullshit.” I said, making everyone look back at me. “Fine, you all want to know what’s going on, this train wreck charade of a relationship is over.” I said, getting up and starting for the door.

“Wait, why?” Gerard asked, causing me to stop to glance back at him then Frank.

“All I’m good for is sex, so why should I be in any kind of relationship?” I asked.

“I never said that.” Frank said, annoyed.

“You told me the sex was great, but everything else is weird. So, you did in fact say that.” I said before walking out of the house. I didn’t realize anyone had followed me until Mikey stood in my path and pulled me in for a hug.

“You know why he feels like things are weird.” Mikey said soothingly as he rubbed my back.

“That doesn’t mean that the words don’t hurt.” I said against his shoulder.


	39. Young and Doomed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay, I have been so busy this week and this is like the only time I have free and my cat is about to give birth, so I'm only barely free now lol. Well, hope you like the chapter, love you all.

**Ashton’s POV**

After Mikey convinced me to come back to the house, we just went to his room. We were laying in his bed, my head on his chest as he rubbed my back. “Why did Gerard even think this was a good idea anyway?” I asked quietly, feeling as though I had messed everything up.

“I don’t know, he thought that maybe you two could help each other.” He said, glancing down at me. Before I had a chance to say anything else though there was a soft knock on the door. “Come in.” Mikey called.

“Hey.” Ryan S. said as his blue hair came into view. “I was wondering if I could maybe talk to Ashton for a second.”

“Of course.” Mikey said, moving so he was in a sitting position to give room for Ryan to sit down.

“Actually, I meant alone.” Ryan said with a questioning tone.

“Oh, uh yeah, sure.” Mikey said before turning to me. “Is that alright angel?” I nodded and sat up as he left the room. Ryan sat on the bed next to me before speaking.

“He cares for you deeply.” Ryan said, sounding a little distracted.

“He’s my best friend, of course he does.” I said, playing with my fingers.

“So, what did he say when he found out you were at Ronnie’s while you were gone?” He asked.

“What? But I thought you forgot.” I said, confused and starting to get a little upset that he was bringing it up now after letting it drop for so long.

“I fucking knew it, I’m gonna fucking kill him.” He said angrily.

“Wait, what? No, you, it’s not.” I didn’t know what to say and just kept stumbling over my words as I tried to fix it. _This was a trick and I can’t believe I fell for it. Ronnie is gonna be pissed at me._

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” He asked, cutting off my rambling.

“It’s not what you think.” I said, unable to look at him.

“So, what is it then? You were there willingly? You chose to leave everyone that cared about you? You chose to be tied to a bed and locked in a room as he beat you and raped you? You chose.” I cut him off before he could say anymore, unable to listen to the words spilling from his lips.

“He didn’t rape me.” I said simply.

“God, he’s got you so brainwashed. It doesn’t matter if you willingly chose to sleep with him before, if he ever forced you to have sex when you didn’t want it then he raped you.” He said, making me shake my head.

“No, he never. It was never rape.” I said, trying to block out the thoughts. “There was always a choice.”

“And was this choice ever given when you were sober? Or was there even really ever a choice, or was it just threats?” He asked.

“Get out.” I said, not able to deal with him or what he was saying.

“Answer my questions.” He pushed.

“Get out.” I screamed. “Get out. Get out. Get out.” I broke down and started crying as soon as he left the room. I couldn’t think about the words he had said, even as they raced through my head with nothing else to stop them. A hand on each of my shoulders finally pulled me out of my head and I felt numb as I looked up at Pete’s face, inches from my own.

“Are you okay?” Pete asked.

“I’m fine.” I said, wiping the tears from my face.

“Ash.” He started before I cut him off.

“I said I’m fine.” I said, finding it only too easy to put a smile on my face with how numb I felt. “It was just a misunderstanding, I’m sure that he didn’t mean it.”

“Gerard and Mikey brought Frank out of the house; he didn’t know what to do after everything, so they decided it was best to talk to him.” Pete said, deciding to change the subject.

“That’s for the best, it would only hurt them both in the long run. He should never have said we were together in the first place, if he hadn’t then this wouldn’t have happened.” I said, nodding.

“We all have our own problems and our own shortcomings, none of us should be blamed for them. He thought that what he was doing was for the best.” He said, his thumb moving to wipe a stray tear I had missed.

“But it wasn’t, was it?” I asked.

“If you’re blaming him for what happened with you and Ryan.” I cut him off with a humorless laugh before he could finish what he was saying.

“Ryan and I were falling apart well before this train wreck happened. You think I didn’t see everything going on between him and Bren? You think I couldn’t sense that he was pulling further away from me and getting closer with him? And I didn’t do anything to fix it, I just continued pushing him away. It’s for the best.” I said. _I should have done something; I shouldn’t have pushed him away like I did._

“Then what are you trying to say?” He asked.

“I’m saying that he should have never lied to Frank and I never should have gone along with it, none of us should have. I have my own things to deal with, least of all was trying to act like there was a relationship where there never was before.” I said, feeling stupid for ever going with it.

“But how many of those things seemed lessened while you knew you had someone else to lean on?” He asked.

“That’s the thing though Pete, I should never have allowed myself to forget about or put off any of it. It should have all been front and foremost in my mind at all times.” I said, looking around for a second before speaking again. “I need to get out of here. I need to fix things.”

“I can’t let you do that.” Pete said, holding me in place.

“No, Pete, you don’t understand. I need to get out of here.” I said, feeling overwhelmed.

“No, Ashton, you don’t understand. You need to stay here. Ryan said you needed to stay here, and you know how Gerard is. He said you need to stay here at least until they get back. Please, just trust me. Just let them get back before you try going anywhere.” He said and I nodded.

“Could I just be alone for a sec? I’ll be out in a minute.” I asked, giving in.

“Of course, thank you.” He said, pressing a kiss to my forehead before leaving me alone. I took out my phone and stared at it for a second before unlocking it and scrolling through the conversations. Once I reached the one I was looking for I stared at it for a moment, my thumb hovering over the call button.


	40. What's So Good About Picking Up The Pieces?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry for just disappearing like I did everyone. I suffer from horrible depression and it's been just awful lately, to the point that I had absolutely no motivation for anything. I managed to pull myself out of it a bit and start writing again, I was able to write this one and the next one, as well as start the one after that. Unfortunately, nothing new for Good Times yet though. So, without further ado, here you go, I hope you like it.

**Ashton’s POV**

My thumb hovered only a moment longer, before I heard shouting from the living room. I locked my phone and slid it back into my pocket, making my way out to see what was going on. Apparently, at least Gerard was back, as he was now arguing with Ryan. Everyone else seemed to just be watching on, not wanting to get in the middle of it. “Well, how about you just ask him how he feels about it then Ry? It’s only fair.” Gerard said, drawing everyone’s attention to me. I felt my chest tighten at the unexpected attention and seeked out the one person I needed, yet knew wasn’t here.

“I need to get out of here.” I said before doing the only thing I could think of, I ran. I had only made it a couple blocks before realizing that no one was following me and slowing myself down to a walk. I knew there was a park around and allowed my eyes to wander, trying to find any signs of it. I regretted my decision immediately when I happened to look into a store window to see Ryan and Brendon. I didn’t know how to feel as I forced myself to turn away, but not before running into someone who had been walking with their friend. “I am so sorry; I wasn’t paying attention to where I was walking.” I rushed out. _I had so much on my mind, that I could barely tell what was going on around me, even without my eyes wandering like they had been._

“Nah, it’s my bad. I looked at my phone and got distracted, but I guess I have something new to distract me now, huh?” He asked looking me over. Words got stuck in my throat as everything ran in circles around my mind.

“I could use a distraction.” I finally managed to say.

“I’ll catch up with you in a few, okay?” He said to his friend.

“We’re supposed to.” His friend started before he cut him off.

“I know, tell him that I’ll be there soon. I should make sure our new friend here is okay after I so carelessly ran into him.” He said. His friend looked ready to argue, but before he could the guy continued speaking. “Tell him I’ll be there in a half hour, an hour tops.”

“If you’re not, it’s your head on the chopping block, I’m not dealing with either of their tempers.” He said before shaking his head and walking off.

“So, I never caught your name gorgeous.” He said, turning back to face me.

“It’s Ashton, but you can call me Ash. What should I call you?” I asked.

“Well, I’m pretty particular to daddy. But, being as we just met, how about you just call me yours?” He asked, making me laugh.

“Okay, I’ll give it to you. Out of all the pick-up lines I’ve ever heard, that was one of the better ones. Now, how about a name?” I said with a small smile.

“Tony. So, were you off to somewhere specific before I ran into you, or just enjoying the walk?” Tony asked.

“I needed to cool off for a little while and get away from my friends for a minute. What about you though? It seemed like you were in the middle of something important.” I said, biting my lip in worry that I was holding him up.

“Was just going to visit a friend of mine and drop something off, but he won’t mind if I’m a little late. Why did you need to get away from these friends of yours?” He asked.

“It’s nothing really, should I let you get on your way then?” I asked.

“If it’s nothing, then at least let me get you back to them so I know you’re safe. I’d hate to have some creep decide to pick you up.” He said. I struggled to keep in a shudder at how familiar that statement was.

“And how do I know that you’re not some kind of creep?” I asked making him laugh.

“I guess you don’t, but come on, just let me walk you back.” He said. I glanced back at the shop before turning back to Tony and nodding.

“Yeah, okay. They’re probably not too thrilled that I took off like I did, so I should probably head back now anyway.” I said. _Gee would probably lay into me as soon as I got back, so I might as well get it over with._

“Do you wanna talk about whatever’s messing with that pretty little head of yours?” He asked as we were walking, when I had apparently been silent for a little too long.

“I shouldn’t, really, it’s too much.” I said. I looked over to see him giving me an expectant look and sighed, before starting to tell him at least the basics of everything I had going on in my life lately. About a block from Gerard’s house I finally ended my tale. “Thanks, we’re almost there.”

“No problem, how about I give you my number in case you need someone to talk to again. No one should have to deal with all of that alone.” He said. I smiled a little as I unlocked my phone and handed it to him. He handed it back a moment later and placed a kiss to my cheek. “Never hesitate to call, I always have time for a cute guy. Now, let’s get you back.”

“Here we are.” I said as we reached the house.

“Ashton.” Gerard yelled, running out of the house and towards us. “God, I’m so sorry we were arguing. We were so worried when you ran out like you did.” He pulled me into his arms before turning his attention to the person beside me. “Wait.” Before he had a chance to finish, Tony spoke up.

“Jaime, Ryan? I didn’t know we were going to the same place Ashton, shit small world, huh? So, Gerard? You look a lot better than last time I saw you.” Tony said giving him a once over.

“Yeah, a lot of things have changed.” Gerard said as Ryan walked over, putting his hand on Gee’s back.

“I can see that. Good, I always kinda knew Ry had a thing for you. Well, what do you say we go in and catch up? There’s some things that some people might not agree with.” Tony said, confusing me a little. _My mind was still racing, and I couldn't help but feel like I was missing something._

“Come on Angel.” Mikey said, not even giving me a moment to comprehend what he was saying before he was leading me to his room and prepping a needle. “You need something to slow your mind, don't you?” I nodded and watched his movements. I placed a lazy kiss to his lips in thanks as I felt the drug kick in. “We should go back out now that you're a little calmer.” He stared at me for a moment when I didn’t say anything in response before he spoke again. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I, you’re right, we should go back out.” I said, already starting to head back out. He placed a hand on my shoulder, making me pause. “I’m fine Mikey, my head just hurts a little, it’s nothing.” I sat between Pete and Tony, ignoring everyone’s conversations in favor of letting my mind wander. I wasn’t sure when I had shifted, but suddenly I felt someone’s hand in my hair. I opened my eyes to see Tony carding his fingers through my hair almost absentmindedly.

“Shit Mikes, how much did you give him?” Gerard asked, causing everyone to look over.

“A little more than usual, but I didn’t think it was anything he couldn’t handle.” Mikey said.

“I’m fine.” I said. I hadn’t felt this relaxed in days, I didn’t need anyone to worry. I felt my phone go off, signaling a text, but chose to ignore it until it started ringing. I quickly rejected the call when I realized it was Ronnie, only for him to call again almost immediately.

 


	41. Say It Ain't So

**Ashton’s POV**

I could feel my anxiety start to rise again as I noticed everyone staring at me. “I, I should take this.” I said quietly as I got up and made my way to the kitchen.

“You know better than to ignore my calls.” He said when I answered the phone.

“I, I’m sorry. There’s people here.” I said quietly.

“How many times have I told you that that doesn’t fucking matter? You fucking pick up when I call.” He said angrily.

“Please, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean.” I cut myself off when I heard the voice behind me.

“Everything okay?” I turned to see Tony looking at me before he walked over to wipe a tear I hadn’t even realized had slipped down my cheek.

“I’m fine, I’ll be right back out.” I said, trying not to let my voice crack.

“No one is worth your tears.” He said low with his hand still on my cheek.

“You know better than to fucking ignore me. I don’t care that someone else is.” Ronnie yelled, suddenly getting cut off as Tony took the phone from my hand and ended the call. I bit my lip anxiously, flinching when it started going off again.

“Ignore it.” He said. I looked down at it, noticing it was Ronnie again before looking back to Tony.

“I really shouldn’t.” I said, keeping my voice low.

“Answer it if you want, but I won’t wait around to be ignored. I came here to meet the cute _single_ guy Ryan told me about, not to waste my time with someone who’s with someone else.” He said, turning to leave when I didn’t immediately respond.

“Wait.” I said, grabbing his arm to stop him and causing him to look over his shoulder at me. “I, you really came here just to meet me?”

“Yeah, now did I waste my time or not?” He asked as he finished turning to fully face me. I shook my head and clicked the ignore button. “Block the number.” My hands shook as I went into the settings and did as he said, even knowing Ronnie would be pissed. “It an old boyfriend or something?”

“Or something.” I said quietly, biting my lip in anxiety.

“Let me get him out of that pretty little head of yours.” He said, leaning forward until our lips were almost touching. “Just tell me if it’s too much.” He added before connecting our lips. He let out a small growl when I got my hand caught in his hair, accidentally pulling it.

“Sorry.” I said, pulling back just enough to speak.

“Don’t.” Is all he said before connecting our lips again, rougher this time. He hooked his hands behind my thighs, lifting me and wrapping my legs around his waist. I groaned as I felt the counter dig into my back. His mouth moved to my neck before long and I let my head fall back before we heard a throat clear, causing me to look up to the doorway where Tony’s friend stood looking amused.

“Wait, stop.” I said, breathless, though not sounding convincing. He kept kissing and nipping at my neck, causing his friend to chuckle.

“Tony.” He started before Tony cut him off.

“Jaime, I swear to fuck, I will kill you if you don’t shut the fuck up.” Tony said, still not moving from my neck.

“Yeah, well, sorry to kill your buzz. Gerard sent me to make sure you don’t fuck in his kitchen. So, come on, let’s go back out to the living room.” Jaime said, sounding like he was trying not to laugh.

“I wasn’t about to fuck him in your kitchen.” Tony said when we went back to the living room.

“Wouldn’t be the first time you fucked someone in someone else’s kitchen, so I really wouldn’t put it past you.” Gerard said with a shrug.

“Living rooms are more my style sweetheart, thought you’d remember that.” Tony said with a grin. “Now, who’s down? I know Ryan, Jaime, and Gerard, who else?” He asked taking out a bag of a familiar substance.

“Not Gerard.” Frank said before anyone else had a chance to say anything, causing most of us to look at him in shock.

“Nah, he likes this.” Tony said, amused. “Don’t you Gee.”

“He doesn’t touch it anymore.” Frank said with certainty. The rest of us stared at him, surprised at him remembering something.

“So, just Ryan, Jaime, and I?” Tony asked.

“Ashton does it too.” Ryan said, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“What?” I asked, confused for a second before my mind caught up with the conversation. “Oh, uh, yeah.”

“Damn baby, fuck, the things I could do to you.” Tony said, looking me over until Gerard snapped him out of it.

“No fucking on the couch either.” Gerard said giving him a look.

“Not yet maybe.” Tony said, glancing at me again.

“Not this couch.” Gerard said, leaving no room for argument.

“Tony.” Ryan said, getting both their attention.

“Shit, right. Anyone have anything? Or are we going to the kitchen and doing this on the counter?” Tony asked. Gerard reached over and pulled out their supplies from the end stand before handing them over. He prepped us each a line with a practiced ease, doing his own before holding it for me to do mine. My eyes stayed locked with his as I did it until I felt the familiar burn. When I looked back to him, he had already handed it to someone else. He slid his hand behind my neck, pulling my face to his and kissing me again.

“What the hell did I say about fucking on the damn couch?” Gerard asked a few minutes later.

“Sorry Gee.” I said as I pulled away.

“We could get out of here for a little while.” Tony whispered in my ear, trailing his lips along my neck. “I could show you the time of your life.”

“Or we could just go to my house. It’s empty, so you wouldn’t have to kick Jaime out of his own house.” I said with a shiver.

“Sounds like a plan gorgeous, let’s get out of here.” He said, getting up and holding a hand out to help me up before turning to the others. “We’ll see you guys later. Not sure when I’ll be home Jaime, don’t wait up” I directed him to my house, telling him to pull into the garage when we got there.

“My cousin lives next door and I’d hate for him to come over, trying to figure out who owns the car he doesn’t recognize.” I said as we walked into the house. I took his hand, leading him up to my room, pointing out a couple rooms on the way. He stopped suddenly, without a warning, causing me to get jerked back slightly. “You good? My room is the next one.” I said, nodding towards a door a little bit further and on the other side of the hall.

“Let’s go in here.” He said, already pulling me in.

“But this is my parent’s.” I started before he cut me off by kissing me against the wall.

“C’mon, it’ll be hot.” He said when we finally pulled apart. All I could do was nod in response. He pushed me back onto the bed before pulling off his shirt and tossing it off to the side. “I want you screaming my name.” He said low as he crawled over me, kissing his way up my chest as he pulled my shirt off.

“So where do we stand?” I asked, buttoning my pants back up once we were finished.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I’d love to do this again.” He said, mouthing at my neck. I nodded, leaning my head to the side to give him better access. “Mm, then how about this? I’m gonna jump in the shower quick. Why don’t you go downstairs and get us drinks? When I get out, we can each do another line and discuss this further.”

“Sounds like a plan.” I said, turning and pulling him into a deep kiss. “Don’t keep me waiting too long.” Once my shirt was back on, I made my way downstairs with a small smile on my face, heading straight for the kitchen in a daze.

“So, you aren’t busy? You’re really gonna regret blowing me off all day.” A familiar voice said from the living room, snapping me out of it. I jerked my head over to see Ronnie sitting on the couch looking pissed.


	42. Sweet But Psycho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I was gonna wait to post this on Friday. However, I'm doing pretty well on writing chapters and my impatient ass wanted to give you guys this chapter.

**Ashton’s POV**

“I, I’m sorry. Please.” I started, getting cut off when he slapped me. He grabbed me by the jaw roughly making me look at him before he spoke. His fingers dug in hard enough to bruise; I was sure that if he had longer nails, I’d be bleeding. His voice was deadly as he spoke.

"I've had it with your damn excuses, I don't want to hear it. If you knew what was good for you then you’d shut your fucking mouth and start making it up to me before I beat the shit out of you.” He threatened, only about an inch from my face. I was shaking so badly that it was like I was practically vibrating, and I couldn’t keep the tears from falling. “If you want to fucking cry, I’ll give you something to cry about.” He let go of my face only to slap me. Between the force and the fact that it had been unexpected, I fell to the ground, clutching my cheek. “Now if you wanna keep opening your mouth then I have something useful you can do.”

“P, please just. I can come to your house later. I just.” I glanced up the stairs, fear coursing through me that Tony would come down while he was still here and get hurt.

“You fucking whore, you have someone up there right now don’t you?” He paused for a moment like he was awaiting an answer, but I knew better. I bit my lip to keep from making any noises as he pulled my hair back and moving to speak in my ear. “How would he feel if he came down here to see you sucking my dick? Or better yet, should I go up there and see how tight his ass is? You have a decent taste in guys so I’m sure he’s at least slightly attractive. I bet he’s a top too if he’s fucking you, I’m sure I could change that.”

“Please.” I choked out, just wanting his words to stop.

“Go ahead, I love hearing you beg, it’s like music to my ears.” He said as he licked a tear from my cheek. “And there really is nothing sweeter than your tears. Now, slut, why don’t you tell me why I shouldn’t fuck you right here?” He trailed the fingers on his free hand across my neck before gripping tightly enough to start to limit my airflow. “Or, better yet, I could just choke you out right now. How would you like that?”

“Ashton? You still down there?” Tony suddenly yelled down the stairs, making Ronnie’s head shoot up to look at the stairs.

“How the fuck?” He seemed to ask himself as he pushed me away and stood up. The only thing rushing through my head was to get as far away from Ronnie as I could, so I backed up as quickly as I could until I felt my back hit the wall. I could already feel it getting harder to breathe.

“Oh, hey Ronnie. What? Did Jaime tell you I was here? You could have just called, I was actually.” Tony’s words trailed off and I looked up to see him staring at me, looking pissed. “You better fucking get explaining.”

“I’m so sorry, I.” I started before Tony cut me off.

“Not you,” He said before to turning to Ronnie. “you. Ashton, go out to the car.” When I didn’t immediately move he turned back to me. “I said, go out to the fucking car.” I flinched at the tone of his voice and ran as fast as I could to the garage, climbing into his car before I finally let myself break down and start crying again. Before long I felt a hand wipe the tears from my cheek before pulling me in for a kiss. I could still feel the dampness on my cheek, but I didn’t care as he started driving. The whole ride seemed like a blur as I tried to calm my mind, I only started snapping out of it when he spoke. “Come on.” He said, taking my hand and leading me into the house. “Anyone care to fucking explain?”

“What the fuck? I think you’re the one with explaining to do.” Gerard snapped as he stormed over. “What the hell did you do to him? You walk in here; covered in blood and thinking you can demand explanations? We fucking trusted you, only for you to hurt him. I’ll fucking kill you.” It took a moment for the words to sink in, and as they did I grew confused. I looked to Tony and finally noticed the blood covering his hands and arms, his face was still turned to the others, but I could still see traces of it on his neck. I looked down at my arm and saw that where his hand had been there was traces of blood. My hands shook as I reached to touch my cheek, only to pull my fingers back to see blood on them as well.

“If you touch him, I will not hesitate to break your fucking arm.” I looked up to see that Tony now held Mikey’s wrist.

“Don’t fucking touch my brother.” Gerard seethed.

“He’s shaking.” Mikey said, looking between the two of us.

“Tony.” I whispered, causing him to let go of Mikey’s wrist. _I needed to see what the others saw._ He turned is face to me, showing me a few bruises already starting, a cut along his cheek, a cut on his lip, and blood in varying places on his face. “I.” I didn’t get to say anything more before he pulled me in and kissed me.

“I’m fine, you’re safe.” He said quietly so only I could hear him as he leaned his forehead against mine, helping me from slipping back into my mind.

“Well Gerard, I don’t think Tony is the problem.” Jaime said, causing us to look to him.

“You’re right Jaime.” Tony started. “Get Mike and Jack here, they might wanna get Justin too. I’ll give them the details when they get here.” Jaime had his phone out, already typing before Tony even finished speaking. “Now, the rest of you have about five seconds to begin explaining what the fucking deal is with Radke.” I saw Ryan and Gerard glance at each other. “Four.”

“Wait, I uh. You should go clean up first Tony, you’re covered in blood, then we’ll explain.” Ryan said. Tony looked like he wanted to argue before just nodding and letting Ryan point to where the bathroom was. “Without Ashton, he’ll be fine with us. We won’t touch him.” He added when Tony went to reach for my hand.

“Don’t.” Jaime said a few seconds after we heard the door shut and I noticed Mikey had taken a step closer to me. “I’ve known him longer than anyone, besides maybe Mike. He really won’t hesitate to break something, he had that look in his eye.”

“He’s my best friend.” Mikey defended.

“You think Tony gives a shit? Ronnie is a good friend of ours, and I’m assuming from his words that most of the blood on him belonged to Ronnie. So, I can guarantee that being as he doesn’t know you, he’d be willing to kill you if you touch Ashton right now.” Jaime explained. “I don’t know that he’d let anyone.”

“As much as I hate it, he’s right Mikey. Tony has some issues with anger, this is just for now, okay? Now Ashton, what the fuck happened?” Ryan asked, making me realize why he wanted me to stay out here. My anxiety spiked briefly, and I glanced towards the bathroom door. “Did he hurt you? At all?”

“No.” I almost yelled before realizing how loud my voice was and lowering it. “No, he, I. No.”

“Then what happened?” Gerard asked.

“I, I don’t know.” I said, my voice cracking as I tried to think about what I could remember.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Frank asked sounding annoyed.

“I mean that I don’t know.” I snapped, flinching at the sound of my own voice. “I, we were having a good time. I went to get us drinks and he was there, he was sitting on the couch, waiting for me.” A door opened and I looked up to see Tony coming back out. Somehow without the blood, it almost seemed worse, maybe because I knew what was left was his now.

“Well, let’s all move to the living room and we can get to chatting.” Ryan said trying to diffuse the situation.

“You mean explaining.” Tony said, cutting in. I went to sit beside him and instead was pulled into his lap. I felt much calmer as he wrapped his arms around my waist, so calm in fact that I flinched when I heard the door open.


	43. The Impression That I Get

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, who's ready for more of this roller coaster?
> 
> Also, I don't know how many of you all write, but nothing pisses me off more than when I'm writing something and get writer's block. I really enjoy writing and when I'm working on only one or two things and all of a sudden I have no idea what to write, it really upsets me. So, instead of starting yet another long story, I finally decided that I'd find some prompts and write one-shots (possibly two-shots) to get me out of my funk. I printed out a bunch of prompts and some pairings and decided I could draw one of each out and challenge myself that way. Would anybody be interested in reading any of these? If so, I'll start a new work and post them all in that. I already have a couple written, only a little over 1000 words apiece and all bandom pairings. 
> 
> Well, without further ado, here's the chapter.

**Ashton’s POV**

Vic walked in with two guys that I didn’t recognize, and I immediately pressed further into Tony’s arms. “Michael, what the fuck is your brother doing here? I don’t remember asking for him.” Tony asked, annoyed.

“Sorry, he heard the address and knew the place, he said he was coming. Kellin is picking up Justin on the way.”  Michael said, glancing at me but not saying anything else.

“So, are we just all gonna here and act like Ashton doesn’t have blood on him?” Vic asked. Tony must have shot him a look because suddenly he glanced away and continued. “Okay, was just asking.”

“Don’t worry, it’s not his.” Gerard said.

“Oh yeah, because that makes it better.” Vic said sarcastically.

“Michael. Shut your brother up or I will.” Tony said coldly. “He’s already pressing his luck by being here when I didn’t want him.” I turned, pressing my face into his neck and he seemed to loosen up slightly. “He’s going with you Mike; I hope you know that.” A knock at the door startled everyone out of the tense atmosphere that had come over the room and I soon heard Kellin’s voice.

“What happened to who? What’s wrong?” He paused for a second before continuing. “Shouldn’t Andy and Oli be here? Or is it not that kind of trouble?” I heard someone whispering something I couldn’t quite make out and slowly pulled my face away from Tony’s neck so I could see what was going on again. Beside Kellin stood another guy I didn’t recognize that I guessed was Justin and I saw Vic whispering to Kellin.

“So, that’s why you wanted me?” Justin asked as he looked me over and I felt Tony nod. “I don’t see any obvious cuts, so I’d say I’m safe in assuming the blood isn’t his?”

“We had a bit of an altercation with someone else, as far as I know Ashton isn’t bleeding anywhere.” Tony said. Justin came closer cautiously, probably waiting for Tony to have a negative reaction. When he didn’t, Justin turned to me with a smile and held a hand out.

“Hey, I’m Justin. If you come with me I can get you all fixed up, how does that sound?” Justin asked. I bit my lip and stared at his hand for a moment, anxious that it would strike me if I moved.

“Would you feel better if I was in the room too?” Kellin asked calmly. When I looked towards the voice I noticed he was beside Justin again and I nodded a little, making him smile. Justin grabbed a bag from the doorway before leading us to the kitchen.

“Mike and Jack, I was gonna send Jaime with you, but Vic has been so kind as to volunteer his time. You guys are going to Ashton’s house, I’m assuming Vic knows where that is. Clean up the mess. If he’s still there, make sure he’s not. Then I want all the locks changed.” I couldn’t help but listen in to what Tony was saying until Justin snapped me out of it.

“Could you take off your shirt? It looks like most of the marks and blood aren’t hidden, but I want to make sure.” Justin asked. I nodded and took it off slowly. I heard the front door shut and I couldn’t help but listen to what was being said again.

“So, long story short, Ash met Ronnie and Ronnie was a real ass. Taking advantage of him and treating him like shit.” Gerard said, trying to avoid going into actual detail.

“No, I want the whole story, from the beginning.” Tony said, sounding impatient.

“Okay, uh, well I guess Ash met him because.” Gerard started before getting cut off.

“I said the whole story, meaning starting back with what the hell happened between the two of you.” Tony said. Gerard started speaking but I couldn’t pay attention to what he said when I flinched as I felt a wet cloth touch my arm. I looked down to see Justin gently wiping the now dry blood from my arm.

“So, Ashton right?” Justin asked with a smile and I nodded. “A beautiful name for a beautiful person.” I started pulling my arm away before I even realized what I was doing.

“I uh, I think.” I tripped over my words trying to think of what to say and glanced out towards the living room only for Justin to let out a small laugh.

“Don’t worry, I’m not attracted to you.” He said. I gave him a look and he continued. “Shit, that came out wrong. Uh, I’m demisexual, so like I’m not hitting on you or anything. I can just appreciate someone’s looks, and I think you and Tony look good together.” He had a slight pink tint to his cheeks by the time he finished speaking. He had also moved to wipe the blood from my face, so I waited until he was finished to speak.

“Is that why Tony trusted you to touch me? He got mad when Mikey tried to.” I said causing him to smile a little.

“He got upset with Mikey, isn’t he like your best friend though?” Kellin asked. Justin ignored Kellin’s question as he spoke, but I nodded in response.

“That’s probably part of it. Trust has a lot to do with it too though. He’d probably let Mike too, maybe Jaime. Honestly I’m surprised he let Kellin stay out here, it’s probably because he seemed to relax you a little. Tony can be a bit much sometimes, and definitely takes some getting used to, but he’s great.” Justin said, pausing to take a look at the bruises. “Kellin, could you grab me some ice please?” A moment later Kellin handed him an ice pack and he held it against the bruises on my jaw and cheek. He went through his bag for a second before handing me a bottle of ibuprofen. “Take this for the swelling, are you in any pain right now?”

“Not really.” I said, swallowing down two pills with a bottle of water Kellin handed me.

“Okay, let’s get you back out there then.” Justin said, leaving his bag where it was as he led me back to the living room once I had my shirt back on. “Your turn Tony.” He said, interrupting the conversation.

“I’m fine, I’ve had worse.” Tony said, not even looking at him.

“Tony.” Justin demanded, making Tony finally look at him. “You think I don’t know that you’ve had worse? I’ve patched you up from worse. All Ashton needed was an ice pack and to get cleaned up, you on the other hand need more. So, get your ass in this kitchen.” Tony muttered something under his breath as he stood up. He paused on his way to the kitchen when he reached me.

“I want you to sit with Jaime, I’ll be back out in no time. I know you don’t know him but it would make me feel better.” He said low enough that only I could hear, and I nodded.

“Tony. Kitchen.” Justin ordered.

“I’m fucking coming.” Tony said annoyed as he continued walking. I bit my lip as I joined Jaime on one of the couches and glanced towards the kitchen, realizing I couldn’t see them from where I sat. I chewed on my lip as I started to zone out.

“So, looks like you guys are getting along.” Jaime said, getting my attention.

“Hm, what? Oh, yeah.” I said, distracted.

“I could show you some pictures of what he looked like when he was younger if you’d like.” He said. When I nodded he started going through his phone. “Here he is with Mike, the rest are him and I.” As he slid to the first of himself with Tony we heard Tony from the kitchen.

“Shit, you did that on purpose you fucker.” Tony snapped making me glance out, even though I knew I couldn’t see anything.

“Well maybe if you were more careful, or I don’t know, didn’t try hiding this from me, then I wouldn’t have to be so rough.” Justin snapped back.

“What?” I started before Jaime cut me off.

“Don’t worry about it, he’s fine.” Jaime said before drawing my attention back to the phone.

“You know what, fuck you Hills.” Tony said a few minutes later as he came back out.

“Love you too Perry.” Justin said, coming out as well. “It’s why I treat you so well.” Tony shot him a dirty look before turning to look me over.

“Sit in my lap again.” He said. I nodded and stood so he could sit where I had been then sat in his lap as he wrapped his arms around my waist again. “So, that’s everything then?” He asked the others.

“Yeah.” Gerard said, sounding guilty.

“What aren’t you saying Ryan?” Tony asked a moment later. I looked up, locking eyes with Ryan, silently begging him not to say anything.


	44. Breaking The Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't already checked out my one-shots book, please do it now.
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/19158076/chapters/45535771

** Ashton’s POV **

“Ryan.” Tony pushed, causing Ryan to finally look away from me and towards him. I couldn’t hear anything over the sudden rushing in my ears. It seemed like slow motion as I saw Ryan’s mouth form the words ‘I’m sorry’. I shook my head as I pushed away from Tony, making my way to the bathroom, using the wall to keep myself steady. _This couldn’t be happening. Please, god, say this is all just a horrible dream._ I locked the door before letting myself fall to the floor. _I can’t do this._ It felt like my throat was closing and the room was spinning. I started getting the familiar feeling of bile rising into my throat and made it to the toilet just as it forced its way out.

I don’t know how long I was in there before I felt someone behind me, holding me and rubbing my back. As the rushing in my ears died down, the first thing I heard was Tony’s voice telling me that everything would be okay as he pulled the hair back that had fallen into my face. The next thing I heard was yelling from the other room. “Why are they yelling?” I asked, realizing how rough my voice sounded.

“You feeling better now? Or do you think you’re going to be sick again?” He asked, ignoring my question.

“I think I’m good now.” I said after a second. He helped me up and poured some water in a cup, handing it to me. I drank some of it before speaking again. The more I listened, I realized that it was Dallon and Gerard yelling. “They shouldn’t yell at him; it wasn’t his fault.”

“He should have said something as soon as he found out, and especially not tried keeping silent about it today.” He said as I brushed my teeth to get the taste out.

“If it was up to me, he wouldn’t even have found out.” I said, walking out the open door. “Wait, how did you even get in here? The door was locked.” I added, pausing in the doorway.

“I picked the lock.” He said, like it was nothing. I went out to the living room to see Dallon standing in front of Ryan yelling at him and Gerard looking pissed, everyone else seemed to be just watching on, not wanting to get involved.

“Stop yelling.” I said, not getting heard over Dallon. I sighed and walked over, standing between Dallon and Ryan and raised my voice. “Stop yelling at him.”

“Get the fuck out of the way Ash, he fucking lied to us.” Dallon said, his voice still loud.

“Don’t fucking speak to him like that.” Tony threatened, coming over to stand by me.

“He didn’t fucking lie to any of you, so quit your god damn bitching. If you want to be pissed off at someone, it should be me.” I snapped. _He didn’t need to be blamed for not saying something about a thing I never wanted found out anyway._

“I said get the fuck out of my way.” Dallon yelled, more pissed off, as he pushed me out of the way. Before I could even respond, Tony had reached back and punched him.

“Don’t you dare fucking lay another finger on him.” Tony seethed, looking ready to hit him again.

“Why the hell did you just punch him?” Ryan asked, upset.

“Shut the fuck up Ryan, I should punch your fucking ass too. It’s far from over between us, and just because I think he should continue yelling at you, does not mean that he can touch Ashton.” As Tony was yelling, I heard the front door open, not that it stopped him. “As far as I’m concerned all of you can fuck off. If I say that no one is to so much as touch him, I expect that you fucking understand that that means you sure as hell don’t push him just because he told you to quit your yelling.” Vic cut him off before he could continue.

“Who the hell do you think you are, acting like you’re in charge around here? Why should anyone listen to you over anyone else?” Vic asked, making Tony turn to him with a fire in his eyes.

“Michael.” Tony said, making Mike look at him. “I have given your brother more fucking chances then I give most, because of you. If he keeps it up, _you_ are going to be dealing with me.”

“Are you threatening him now?” Vic asked, making Mike turn to him and put a hand to his chest.

“Vic, please, shut the fuck up.” Mike said, his tone almost pleading.

“Mike, he just.” Vic started before Mike cut him off.

“No, you have no idea what you’re talking about, so stop. I’m not getting shit because of someone else.” Mike said, not letting Vic say anything else.

“You never told him.” Tony said after a second. “Where the hell did he think you went all the time with me when we were in school?”

“You mean that club you guys were in?” Vic asked, actually making Tony let out a laugh.

“It was a gang.” Tony stated.

“Mike wouldn’t join a gang.” Vic said, shaking his head. Tony just raised an eyebrow.

“Well he did, and he’s actually my second. So, shut the fuck up about things you know nothing about.” Tony said before lowering his mouth to whisper in my ear. “That doesn’t bother you, does it?” I thought it over a second before shaking my head. _It definitely explained some of his behavior, and why everyone listened to him._ He placed a kiss to my shoulder, and I could feel him smile before he spoke to everyone again. “So, now that everyone is on the same page. You touch Ashton; you deal with me. You run your mouth; you deal with me. If you have to deal with me, I can deal with you on my own, but I don’t need to. And you,” He pointed to Vic. “if you keep shit up, then your brother will deal with me. Got it?”

“Everyone is crystal clear now.” Mike said, shooting Vic a look when he noticed he was about to say something.

“I do have a question.” Kellin said, speaking up after a small pause.

“Mike, being as he’s Vic’s friend, if he pisses me off it’s on you too.” Tony said before motioning for Kellin to continue. Kellin looked a little concerned but still too curious to not ask.

“Okay, so like, the people you called here today are all part of it right?” Kellin asked and Tony nodded. “Even Justin?” Another nod. “How though? Justin, we’re friends, we’ve been friends since like middle school. There were never any signs of anything and you’re not really violent or anything.”

“That is all one hundred percent true Kells, but we all have our own strengths. Mine is pretty much to patch everyone up. I’ve had to be in a couple fights, but usually I just help afterwards.” Justin explained. “I completely understand if you think differently of me now, but I am still the same person I’ve always been.”

“Is this something else you knew and just chose to keep from us?” Dallon asked Ryan, his voice full of attitude.

“Actually, I knew too. It was none of your damn business Dal, that’s why you didn’t know.” Gerard said, full of sass. “Effectively it’s similar to all of our dynamic with Frank. Theirs is just a little different, more structured. So, to reiterate what Tony said to Vic, shut the fuck up about things you know nothing about.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please take the time to let me know what you think, it means a lot.


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